


I don't Like You, But I Love You

by the_things_nobody_asks



Series: With You [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Catra (She-Ra) Is a Tease, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Human Catra (She-Ra), Hurt/Comfort, Hurts So Good, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jock Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Love, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Adora (She-Ra), Past Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Slow Burn, Teenage Drama, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:55:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 78,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24871135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_things_nobody_asks/pseuds/the_things_nobody_asks
Summary: Adora always wanted younger siblings. Catra doesn't exactly seem to be what she had in mind.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: With You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797382
Comments: 714
Kudos: 1564





	1. Meeting You

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first chapter of the second part of the series "With You" (the prequel to When the Music Stops). This is meant to give insight into their childhood together -sort of their coming of age story, if you will. There will likely be descriptions of abuse at some point -I will try to give warning. 
> 
> Please note that there will (eventually, somewhere) be descriptions of sex between "underage" characters. The intent is not to sexualize children or teenagers. These characters are going to be depicted as competent (albeit somewhat emotionally immature) young adolescents, old enough to consent to each other. Let's face it: teenagers have sex. it's normal, and that's exactly the point -to explore the complex emotions and concepts -like fear of rejection, insecurity, homophobia, love, vulnerability, compassion, etc -that people struggle with during this time period of their lives -ESPECIALLY with a first love as complicated as theirs.

Adora didn’t understand. “What’s adopted mean?” 

Her mother sat across the counter, cutting her sandwich the way Adora liked. “Well, normally, when a couple wants to have a baby, it grows inside a Mommy’s tummy for a while, and then when it’s ready, they take it out.” 

“Like oven dinner?” Adora’s stomach grumbled watching the sandwich. Her mom made the best PB & J. 

She laughed. “Yes, dear. Kind of like that.” She put the plate down on the table in front of Adora and went to the fridge to get a glass of milk. Adora waited, proud of herself for being good. “But you, my angel, didn’t come from my tummy. You came from somebody else’s. That’s what adoption means.” 

Adora thought about it for a moment. “Well whose tummy did I come from?” 

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know.” 

Adora took a bite of her sandwich, chasing it down with her milk. She wanted to ask why she didn’t know, but they had talked about that before. Her mom didn’t know everything but apparently that was okay. She said that’s normal. Most people just try to pretend like they know everything when they don’t. “Is that bad?” 

Her mother shook her head. “No, it just means you’re special. You see, I couldn’t have a baby in my tummy, but I wanted you so badly that I searched all over to find you.” 

Adora wiped off her milk mustache. “Why come you couldn’t have a baby in your tummy?” 

“It’s hard to explain, but someday when you’re older we can talk about it.” 

Mouth full, Adora nodded. “Okay.” She finished her sandwich, humming to herself while her mother took a phone call in the other room. She was always on the phone. Adora knew her mom was an important lady because of how many people needed to call her. When she returned, she started to take Adora’s plate. Adora’s fingers held the plate more firmly, refusing to let go. “I can do it, Mama. I can do it. Let me.” She held the plate as tightly as she could, using her elbows on the seat of the chair to help lower her toes down to the floor. She didn't want to drop another plate like she did before. That made her feel bad. Her mom wasn’t angry though -she said she just didn’t want Adora to cut her feet on the glass. 

“So, love. The reason I wanted you to know that is because I want to know what you would think of getting a younger brother or sister.” 

Adora got down from her tiptoes after setting the plate on the edge of the sink. She put her hands on her hips. “Well I been asking this whole long time for one of those. I’m already six years old!” 

Her mother crouched down, her eyes crinkling in the corners like they always do. “I know you have. Do you remember those people who have been coming over sometimes to talk to us?” 

Adora thought for a moment and then nodded. She had spoken to a couple people who asked her things about her mom and how she likes this house. They were kind of strange people, but they were nice. “Yes, I renember.” 

“Well they’re going to help me find you a younger sibling.” 

Adora jumped, clapping her hands. “Oh boy! When? Tomorrow?” 

“Well, probably not tomorrow, but soon.”

Every day after that, Adora asked her mother if today would be the day, and her answer was always the same: soon. But that was frustrating. Soon was supposed to mean you blink and it happens. Adora was starting to think that soon really meant ‘when you’re older’, which was one of her least favorite things to hear. She already was older! She was already big enough for school this year. Then, finally, one night her mother sat her down before bed. 

“Remember how we talked about you getting younger siblings?” She stroked Adora’s hair from the edge of the bed. That was always Adora’s favorite part of the night -when her mother would sit next to her and rub her back or touch her hair. Sometimes she would even sing something. Adora didn’t exactly think she was a good singer, but it was a lilting sound anyways. 

“Yes. Is it happening now?” 

“Well, not yet. But I found a nice lady who is going to help me make it happen, probably sometime next year. In the meantime, you’re going to get to practice.” Practice? Like, how she practices soccer? “A girl is coming to stay with us for a while -she’s a bit younger than you. You’ll be like a big sister to her.” It was almost like her mom could read her thoughts. Sometimes it was pretty crazy how she answered the questions Adora never asked out loud. 

“When is she coming here?” 

“Tomorrow.” 

Adora felt her eyes get wide. “Really?” 

“Really. Now try to get some sleep.”   
But how could she possibly sleep? She was too awake thinking about what it was going to be like to have a little sister. They could roll in the mud together and play tag and build forts. This was going to be amazing. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

People came and went from their house all the time, but something was different about these people. Some of them were cops and some of them were dressed like fancy business people. Catra didn’t like them. Her mother was crying and yelling something at one of them -a man with a stupid looking mustache. Some lady came and tried to talk to her, asking her all kind of stupid questions about her parents. Catra didn’t want to talk to her, so she didn’t. The lady eventually gave up, but said that Catra’s dad was going to have to be away for a while and that Catra would have to go somewhere else. 

“You can’t make me!” 

But eventually they did. She was dragged out by the woman and another one of the men, crying and screaming. Her mother didn’t even look at her. Sometimes she thought her mother didn’t care. She wished she had a different mother. No she didn’t. Catra wished she had no mother. That would be the best. No grown ups to tell her what to do. Nobody wants to make her go to school. 

By the end of the drive, Catra had stopped crying. She didn’t like that the lady driving kept looking back at her in the mirror. She didn’t want anyone to see her cry. They passed the neighborhoods she knew where other kids were outside playing. She never played with them but sometimes she wondered what it would be like if she did. Then there were big buildings that went way up high -way more impressive than the little house she lived in. They looked so shiny and new. Catra thought that maybe someday she could live there too -up high like that. She was fascinated by the drive. The city seemed to never end -it just kept going. She had no idea it was so big. 

“Catra, I know this is probably really scary, but the lady you’re staying with is very nice. She’ll take good care of you. She has a little girl about your age -maybe you two could be friends.” 

Catra tapped her hand against the window. How nice could somebody be who would steal her from her parents? This part of town looked nothing like where she lived. There were pretty flowers and trees, and the houses were big. Some of them looked like castles with big windows. The car started to slow in front of a light yellow house. All around the yard there was a shrub that Catra knew she could hide in. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. 

“We’re here.”   
Catra’s stomach did something she didn’t like. It felt like she might cry again. She didn’t want to go live with strangers. She didn’t like her house, but at least it was her house and her things and her parents. The tall business lady opened her car door, but didn’t touch her. “Sweetie, please. I promise it’ll be okay. These people are very nice.” 

She glances back up to the pretty yellow house. She knew she didn’t have a choice -nobody ever listened to what she wanted. It was a pretty house but it was still a trap. She sniffs and gets out of the car. The lady seems relieved, but Catra feels worse somehow now that she’s standing on the pavement. The front door opens and a little blonde girl bounds out of it towards them. She was in shorts and a t-shirt that looked like it was for boys. She had the biggest smile and big blue eyes -she looked so happy. It annoyed Catra. 

A woman stepped outside behind her. She looked older than the business lady. “Miss. Ether, good to see you again.” 

“Good to see you too. I see you’ve brought our guest of honor.” 

The little blonde girl had skipped and was now very close, the older woman also moving in. The business lady had grabbed a bag of Catra’s things from the back and was standing behind her. Catra was trapped. “This is Catra.” 

The other girl stopped a few feet away. “Catra! That’s a funny name.” 

“Adora, be nice.” Catra didn’t care though. She was used to it. 

The little girl took a more timid step forward, her eyes going big as she gasped. “Wow! Her eyes are different colors. Look Mama! Isn’t it pretty?” Pretty? That was something she hadn’t heard before. Other kids called her weird. They always asked what was wrong or what happened to her eyes. She hated that she was different. “My name is Adora.” 

Catra didn’t say anything. Instead she just watched the other girl. SHE was pretty. She looked like the good little girl her parents wished she was. Catra hated it. It almost made her feel kind of good that Adora looked sad when she didn’t answer. “Do you want to play?” Again, she didn't answer. Again, Adora seemed sad. A hand came down on her from behind. 

“We’d better get her things inside, shall we?” 

Catra was glad Adora didn’t try to talk to her on the way in. The inside of the house was even bigger than the outside. There was a big open staircase with one of those things kids in movies use as a slide. And there was a vase of flowers on a little wooden table in the hall. It looked so big, and this was just a living room! It was crazy. They walked through the house slowly. Catra was in awe the whole time.

They climbed the stairs after seeing the whole downstairs. Adora took off running. “Can I show her my room? Can I?” 

Catra didn’t know why she was asking when she was already doing it. Adora opened a door to a room full of colors, with drawings all over the walls and a window seat, with her own bookcase. There were toys scattered over the floor. I knew it. This girl is spoiled. She gets everything she wants. Now Catra was even more annoyed. “And look at this! You get to sleep with me!” 

The blonde girl runs to her bed and pulls on what looks like a drawer handle. A whole other bed comes out from under the bigger bed. Catra is amazed and even angrier at the same time. The older woman looks down at her. Something about her gaze makes Catra want to shrink away. “This is only temporary. We have a guest room for you, but it’s not very fun right now.” 

They go to see that next. It’s got light grey walls, a little chair in the corner, a desk, and a big adult bed in the middle. She didn’t want to stay with that other girl. “I want to stay here.” The adults look at her surprised. She just repeats herself and points. “I like this one.” 

“Okay, you can stay here if you want.” 

Adora looked kind of sad again. When the adults weren’t looking, Catra stuck her tongue out at her. She gasped and blinked with her stupid pretty blue eyes. Catra decided she liked upsetting this girl.


	2. Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora's seventh birthday doesn't go how she wants with Catra around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think these chapters will be pretty short at first -their experiences will get more emotionally complicated as they get older. Hopefully that means, for the first while, I'll be able to whip these out pretty quickly :)

After the walkman incident, Adora really didn’t know how to act. Catra still never really talked to her or wanted to play. She had started to kick her under the dinner table, and pull her ponytail sometimes. She didn’t understand. What was she doing wrong? Little sisters were supposed to be fun, but Catra was mean. 

The only time they ever really got along was before bed. After they each got a bath, Adora’s mom would read them stories and put on puppet shows as “The Fantastic, Magical Madame Razz”. Adora’s favorite show was one where she beat up these bad guys with a “Razzle-Dazzle” move. This one bad guy was brainwashing people and the Magical Madame Razz had to stop them with her magical broomstick. Adora used to practice the razzle-dazzle in the mirror sometimes in case somebody ever broke into the house and tried to brainwash them. She would be ready. 

Every morning, Adora’s mom would send her off to the bus and then she’d take Catra to school. The kids would ask who the other little girl was and Adora wasn’t sure what to tell them. Her mom told her that Catra was Adora’s ‘Foster-Sister’, which really just meant that she was staying with them for a little bit while her parents got better from something. But that seemed like a lot to say. Oh well. It was the truth. 

Adora was very excited for her birthday coming up -all of her friends would be there -but she wasn’t sure about Catra. If Catra wouldn’t even talk to Adora, there’s no way she would talk to Adora’s friends. They were totally different. Catra didn’t even like to read story books. All Adora’s friends loved to read story books. She didn’t want Catra to feel left out of their games together. 

She decided her mother would know. “Well, maybe try thinking of activities she would like to do?” 

“Hit things.” 

Her mother looked down at her funny. “You think so?” Adora nodded. “We could get a pinata.” 

Adora smiled. “With candy?” 

“Of course.” 

“Yay, yay, yay!” Adora loved pinatas. “But shhh. We won’t tell her, it’s a surprise.” 

And it was. When the day came, they explained to Catra what it was and how it worked and her eyes got real big. They spun her around and gave her the bat, and boy did she swing. Once she started though, they couldn’t get her to stop. She ended up breaking it open and spilling all the candy before anyone else had a change to go. But for the first time since she’d been with them, she laughed. It was a squeaky sound, but Adora liked it. She wished she could make Catra laugh more. It was almost enough to make up for the fact that Adora didn’t get to swing at her own birthday pinata. Almost. 

Satiated with candy, she actually stuck around for the other games -pin the tail on the horsey and musical chairs. She and Adora were the only two left in musical chairs. When the music stopped, Adora happened to be right there in front of it. Catra pulled her right out of the chair by the shirt and threw her on the ground, sticking her tongue out before she sat down. “H-hey, that’s cheating!” 

“Is not!” 

“Is too!” Now Adora was getting upset. Catra wasn’t playing fair. 

Her mother clapped her hands. “Let’s all have some cake.” 

And what a cake it was. Her mother brought out a rainbow unicorn cake, with a real horn! Adora gaped at it with her mouth open. “WHOAAAA!” This was her favorite part -making a wish. All of her friends and the other parents start to sing. 

‘Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!’ 

What do I want to wish for? What’s the best thing? She closes her eyes and thinks real hard.

‘Happy Birth-Day, Dear Adoraaaaaa.’

I know! 

‘Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuu!’ 

There were cheers and giggles from her friends around the table, loud paper blower noises -but Adora knows what her wish is. She takes a deep breath. 

I wish that Catra and I get along better. 

She starts to let the breath out but hears somebody else blow on the candle flame first. Right as she opens her eyes in surprise to see Catra’s smile, she feels a hand shove the back of her head and her face goes right into the cake. There’s a few gasps around the room and then laughter from the other kids. She picks her head up slowly, barely able to see through the goop covering her eyes. But what she does see is her pretty birthday cake, ruined, smudged all over. And Catra stole her wish and now it wouldn’t come true. Why? 

She can’t help the tears that start to fall and the little cry that escapes her throat. “Catra’s mean!” 

She starts to try and wipe the goop from her eyes, but it only makes it worse, which makes her cry harder. Zackary, her friend from soccer puts his hand on her shoulder. “Oh no! Adora’s crying.” 

The laughter stopped, and Adora felt like everyone was looking at her, but in a bad way. She lets somebody start to wipe away the frosting. It’s Hannah’s mom. Her mother is nowhere to be seen and neither is Catra. Eventually she’s able to stop crying. Cole, one of the other little boys says, “Well is it good?” 

Adora licks some frosting from the corner of her mouth, wiping the rest away with her sleeve. It’s very sweet. She sniffles and nods. “Uh huh.” 

Hannah’s mom leans down. “Well then why don’t we dig in?” 

Adora nods. She really did want to eat it. She gets the first piece -she takes the one with the horn -and even the first bite. It’s real good. Her mother eventually returns and Adora notices Catra sitting in time out in the other room, moping. “Is it good, Adora?” 

She smiles up at her mom, feeling a bit better. “Yes, Mama.” 

So they chatter and make-believe and eat their cake. Adora keeps looking back at Catra. She’s curled up in the chair, resting her chin on her knees. Adora had never been in time out before -it looked awful. Adora’s mom leaned down and spoke softly. “I think we should bring her a piece of cake. What do you think?” 

Adora thought about it. Catra was mean. Why should she get cake? She looked back at her mom and knew this wasn’t going to be one of those times where she was supposed to say what she really thought. Sometimes she just had to do what she was told because her mom knew what was best. But again, she seemed to read Adora’s mind. “Remember: sometimes people do mean things because they’re hurt. They don’t really mean to do mean things.” 

Yes, she remembered. She just didn’t understand. Why couldn’t she just be nice? Still, they got up together and Adora walked the cake back into the living room where Catra was sitting. “Here.” 

Adora held the cake out to her. Catra didn’t take it at first, then she reached out slowly. “What do you say, Catra?” 

She glared back at Adora’s mom. “Thank you.” 

“And?” 

“Sorry.” She paused. “About the cake.” 

Adora didn’t think she looked very sorry, but at least Catra didn’t shove it in her face again. She was content to just go back to her friends at the party. She could still have fun. But that night before going to sleep, as they were both brushing their teeth under her mother’s watchful eye, she couldn't help but wonder if Catra really did steal her wish. Maybe it went through. Maybe they would start to get along better. Or maybe it would get worser. She didn’t know.


	3. Dancing Hues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra's first dance class experience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody mentioned this in a comment on When the Music Stops but I figured I'd address it formally: Catra has Synesthesia, where basically she perceives colors all the time -from people, words, sounds (music), etc. It can make learning really difficult because numbers and letters and words all get associated with colors, and they aren't always consistent.

Catra held onto the shoes like her life depended on it. They were soft and light and, best of all, hers. They fit her perfectly and nobody else, and she didn’t get them used from some dusty bin. They were really hers. She’d never been given a gift like that before. Catra couldn’t understand why Adora’s mom was so nice to her when all she’d been was bad -well...she’d been herself, which was bad, so...yeah, she’d been bad. She couldn’t help herself from picking on Adora -something about her was just so stupid. She was so...so...blue. That was the only way she could think to describe Adora. Blue. But then the blonde girl got her dance class...so maybe Catra did feel a little bad that she’d been so mean. 

They walked through the double glass doors into a big, bright, beautiful studio with smooth wood floors and other little girls in ballerina outfits with their hair up. Some of them stopped and looked at her. Catra immediately knew they thought she looked funny. They all had fair skin and smooth hair up in buns -they looked...clean. She was in the only dress she owned -which she hated -but at least it was a dress. Her kinky, curly hair was uncombed and she knew it was sticking out. She didn’t feel clean, and she knew those other girls didn’t think she was either. A pit formed in her stomach as Adora’s mom helped her put her shoes on.

“Now dear, I’m going to have to go out to my car to make a phone call, but I’ll be right outside, and I’ll come back in when I can.” Catra nodded. 

A tall woman in a black leotard pranced out from another room. She clapped her hands and the other girls started to form a line. “Alright ladies, we have a newcomer joining us today.” Catra didn’t like her voice -or the stiff way she walked…”Catrina, would you please introduce yourself.” 

All of the other girls turned to look at her, waiting for an introduction. “M-my name’s Catra. Not Catrina.” One of them seemed to gasp. Apparently that wasn’t the right kind of introduction. 

The woman pinched her mouth together. “I understand you’d like to be called by your nickname, but in this class we go by our rightfully given names.” 

Catra felt an impending sense of doom, as if opening her mouth would simply cement her inevitable fate of getting kicked out of this class just for being herself. She kept her mouth shut and stood in line, the girl next to her gave her a nasty up-and-down look. There were two Emily’s, two Samantha’s, Rachael, Sarah, Brittany, and herself. It was an understatement to say that Catra felt out of place here. The movements they learned were rigid and repetitive. Over and over again, they did the same movement. The woman leading the class was an ugly shade of red -all the other little girls were some variation of orange and yellow, except for two on the end that were greens. 

It wasn’t until the end of the class that Catra had any inkling to return here again. The music started and they were to repeat a sequence three times. Only, halfway through the first one, she forgot what the next part was and so she just kinda made up her own -partially with stuff they learned, partially with whatever her body wanted to do. She wasn’t as sharp with her movements as the other girls, but she didn’t care. She got lost in the feel of the music and her body just knew what it wanted to do -the colors were so beautiful. When the music stopped and she finally opened her eyes, everyone else was staring at her. Some of the other girls were laughing, the older two girls had their arms crossed.   
The class ended and she walked back to Adora’s mother, who had seen the little dance. She was smiling, which made Catra smile. The teacher reached her first though, and she knew she was in trouble. This was it. She was going to get kicked out. “Your daughter is not very disciplined.” 

“She’s five years old.” 

“Yes, well, ballet requires focus that she doesn’t seem to have. That being said, she clearly has a talent for creative movement. It would certainly do her good to start here, but I imagine she will really excel in contemporary dance.” 

Contemporary. Catra didn’t know what that meant, but if it meant she didn’t have to be so stiff all the time, she would do it. And even though she didn’t fit in here and the other girls didn’t like her and she couldn’t remember the steps, she really wanted to come back and dance like that at the end again. She told Adora’s mother that in the car on the way home. “Well then I guess you’d better keep going and show those stuck-up girls how it’s done.” Catra smiled out the window. She would show them.


	4. From Racing Games to Table Scraps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra actually play together, and a little bit of insight as to what it's like for Catra at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody on IG drew a scene from this and it made me so happy <3 It was supper cute. Speaking of! I've got a few ideas of my own so keep an eye on mine >:)

Adora hears a thud from somewhere downstairs and stops coloring. This could be it -she may need to use the “Razzle-Dazzle” on some evildoer -she walks slowly down the hall, ready to attack any invader. She knows her mother is outside right now on the phone, which just leaves her and...as she reaches the top of the stairs, she see’s Catra, picking herself up off the floor. Oh boy. Catra didn’t seem to be afraid of anything. In the last couple weeks, she’d gotten stuck up a tree, chased by a dog, and fell over on the other side of a fence that was too high for her to climb. What was she up to now? 

She picked up...a couch cushion? It was -it was the couch cushion! Catra dragged the brown cushion up the stairs, simply saying, “Move” at the top. Adora stepped aside. 

“What are you doing?” 

“S’it look like?” Catra huffed, flopping herself down on the big pillow. “Sledding.” 

Adora’s eyes went big. “You can’t do that!”

Catra glanced up at her and gave a toothy grin. “Says who?” And with that, she launched herself down the stairs, hitting every bump. “Whoo-hooooO!”

“You’re not supposed to be doing that.” 

Catra looked up the stairs with a frown, but shrugged. “Move.” She plopped back down on the cushion and slid again. Adora watched her a couple times. It did look fun...she walked downstairs and picked up the other cushion. When Catra saw her come around the corner, she smiled. Adora smiled back. They climbed the stairs together. 

“How do I do it?” 

She watched how Catra positioned herself one more time. “You just hold and do it.” 

That became a mantra in her head as she lowered herself down onto the cushion. Just hold on and do it. But if didn’t feel very stable. What was she supposed to do with her feet? How do you steer? Catra made it back up the stairs. “Scaredy cat!” 

“Am not!” 

“Are too!” 

Adora frowned. She was not a scaredy cat. She wiggled her way to the edge of the stairs. But when the cushion started to tip, she did feel afraid. It felt like she was going to fall on her face. Then she started moving and her stomach dropped -faster and faster. Her grip tightened with every new thump, but she kept her eyes open because she wasn’t a scaredy cat. She hit the floor and quickly came to a stop. She did it! 

She turned to Catra with a big smile on her face, thinking Catra would be as excited as she was or tell her good job, or at least that she wasn’t a scaredy cat. But Catra was at the top, looking impatient. She could practically hear her say “move” again. At least she wasn’t scowling anymore. “Isn’t it fun?” 

Adora nodded, watching Catra come down. It seemed like she moved extra super fast that time. When she got up, she was smiling, which made Adora smile. She liked Catra better when she smiled. “C’mon.” So they went down the stairs, over and over again. Sliding and hollering. Adora really got the hang of it by the end -she was going super fast too. She pretended it was a race car. 

“You go first this time.” 

Adora zoomed down the stairs, actually feeling herself turn the slight curve of the stairs. She sat up and turned to ask Catra if she saw that. But when she turned, Catra was already at the bottom of the stairs, sitting criss-cross on her cushion. It happened so fast, Adora didn’t have time to respond. It hit the floor, stopping almost immediately with a squeak, Catra was thrown forward, wide-eyed -her head conking right into Adora’s, making contact with her nose and mouth. 

They both made pained noises. Catra made another noise. Holding her head, she looked up at Adora with tears in her eyes, which then got wide again and she froze with a gasp. It was at that moment, her nose numb, that Adora recognized the small hard thing on her tongue as a tooth. Her loose tooth came out! She dropped her hand from her face to retrieve the tooth when she saw the blood. For some reason, now the pain registered and she started crying. Catra ran away, leaving her alone there. Adora cried twice as hard. Catra must really hate her. 

“Oh-oh-oh. Adora, dear.” Adora looked up through teary eyes to see her mother, Catra right behind her, still clutching the front of her head. She didn’t leave me. She went for help. 

__________________________________________________________________________________

When Catra had to go home, she wasn’t sad, but she definitely wasn’t happy either. She was...disappointed. She knew her father wouldn’t be there. He had killed another man and would have to be in jail for a long time. That meant it would just be her and her mother. Catra would rather stay with Razz and Adora. Her father was the fun one, even though he did get angry sometimes. At least he let her eat some of his food. Her mother never made food. 

She stepped inside and her mother greeted the business lady, being so polite and so happy to see Catra. But she knew it was all fake. “Ohhhhh, my little kitty cat!” Catra hated that nickname. The nickname she was apparently named after. Her mother just wanted a little girl she could call ‘kitty cat’ so she named her ‘Catra’. Her mother named her something stupid, which she got made fun of for, because she wanted a pet. 

The moment the business lady was gone, her mother went back to her game of solitaire on the computer. “There’s some food on the counter. You’re welcome.” 

Catra walked slowly to her room, dragging her bag behind her. She passed the kitchen, where there was a mostly-eaten box of chinese food. Her stomach churned at the familiar smell of her mother’s leftover takeout. As she dropped her bag and sat on her mattress on the floor, one hand rested on her stomach, full from the last meal with Razz and Adora. They were nice people. Catra wondered what it would be like to grow up in a home like that.


	5. Other Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more insight into Catra's childhood struggles. 
> 
> A.k.a: me being soft for hearing baby Catra say "lellow" instead of "yellow".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning: child neglect/abuse

Catra had been milling about the house for a few days, maybe more, practicing her dance steps and pretending she was somewhere else. She didn’t know where she would go. She didn’t even know where it was possible to go. Her mother came and went for work. By trial and error, Catra learned how to make herself instant oatmeal and mac-n-cheese, until they ran out of milk. Then she just munched on whatever she could find.  
One day, there was a knock on the door. Catra’s mother happened to be home and answered it. It was the cops. “Good Morning, Ma’am.” 

“What do you want?” 

“We’ve received word from your daughter’s school that she hasn’t been seen in more than a week. The teacher said she’s called your home a few times with no response. Is your daughter home?” 

“I haven’t received any calls. The phone has been broken for about two weeks. My daughter is right here.” Her mother opened the door enough so that Catra could see the men there. They loomed large in the doorway. One of them stooped to see Catra under her mother’s arm. He waved. Catra didn’t wave back. 

“Are you aware that you will receive a fine if you keep your daughter home from school?” Uh oh. Her mother was in trouble? Catra hated when her mother was in trouble, because that meant Catra was really the one in trouble.

“Of course, Officers. My little Kitty Cat has been terribly sick these last couple days.” She looked back at Catra with an expression Catra knew meant she just needed to do what she was told. “Haven’t you, Kitty?” 

Catra knew she was still little, but she felt small. What was she supposed to say? She just stared, wide-eyed. “Yes.” 

The officers didn’t seem to believe her. “Alright. Well...use somebody else’s phone and call the school to let them know that. They’ll be expecting a doctor’s note when she returns.” 

“A-a doctor’s note? Why would she need a doctor’s note? I’m nursing her back to health right here at home.” 

“Compulsory Education Laws, Ma’am. Long absences like this require documentation. She can’t just be skipping.”

Ope. Her mother didn’t like that. “Didn’t you hear me? My baby is sick, not skipping.”

“All the more reason to see a doctor?”

“We don’t believe in conventional medicine in this household. How dare you try to force pills onto my little girl! That is foul! This is OUR RIGHT.” 

“Well then I suggest you go see a naturopath, a voodoo lady, or the leader of a prayer circle -whichever health specialist you prefer -because the school needs a note excusing her absence from a practitioner of some kind, or you’ll see us again holding a fine with your name on it. Goodday.” Catra didn’t know what all of that meant, but she could see her mother gripping the back of the door. She was seething. 

The other man in blue stayed, watching Catra intently. Then he turned to her mother. “Make sure she gets back to school as soon as she’s well.” And they were gone. The second the door closed, Catra’s heart sunk. Her mother had her by the arm before she could even think. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! You think you can just lay around the house all day?! Huh? You’re supposed to be at school! SCHOOL! Christ’s sake, now I’m in trouble because you don’t have your fucking shit together! You think money grows on trees? Now we’ve got to take you to the fucking doctor. Do you have ANY idea how expensive that is?!” She was thrown into the closet in the hall, the door closing behind her, sealing her in the darkness. It was constricting. 

The truth was, Catra didn’t know where the bus stop was because they moved right before she went away to be with Razz and Adora. She didn’t even know how to get to school from here. But her mother wouldn’t listen to that even if she tried to tell her. So tomorrow she would have to walk around until she found it. But wait...when did the bus come for school, anyways?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..  
School got better -once she found the right one, that is. She followed a group of kids to a bus the next day, but she didn’t recognize the building at all. When she got there, she couldn’t find her classroom, so she sat and talked with the janitor named Ron for a while. He was a nice man. He was going to take her to a big office with a bunch of adults to figure out where she lives, but she told him she knew how to get home just fine, which was true. She told him what she really wanted was to find the right school. So he made a few phone calls until finally, he got Miss Heidi on the phone. Catra liked her. 

“Catra! Thank goodness! I’ve been so worried about you. Where is your mother? Who is that man you’re with?” 

“It’s okay Miss Heidi. It’s just Janitor Ron. He’s helping me.” 

“Where are you?” 

Ron said “Green Hill Elementary School.”

“If she stays there, I can come and get her around 2:30. Catra, can you wait until then, sweetie?” 

So she waited with Janitor Ron and they talked about his dog Bucky. Miss Heidi picked her up and took her home. In the car she asked Catra why she had gone there. Catra told her she was looking for the bus but apparently took the wrong one, and then she didn’t know the name of her school. Miss Heidi got some paper and a pencil out of her car and started writing. Catra felt a pit in her stomach -not the usual hunger kind, but the kind where she knew she was about to be embarrassed. Miss Heidi gave her the piece of paper. Catra stared at it for a moment, trying to figure out what the colors meant. Sometimes they were really helpful, like with directions. But she couldn’t read this too well. 

“What does it say?” 

“Lets spell it out together.” 

Catra Tried. “C-E-D-A...R...M-I...L…”

“You’ve got it. It’s another L.” 

Catra tilted her head, watching the two shapes side-by-side. “It’s the wrong color.” 

Miss Heidi seemed confused. “What do you mean?” 

“It’s not an L color.” 

She smiled. “I didn’t know L’s had colors.” 

“They all do.” 

“Hmm… What color is this?” She pointed to the A. 

“Lellow.” 

“And what about this?” She pointed to the E. 

“Green.” 

“And this?” She pointed to another letter that looked like an E, but it wasn’t the right green. 

“I don’t know.” 

“It doesn’t have a color?” 

Catra shook her head. “I don’t know that one.” 

Miss Heidi thought for a moment. “I don’t see any colors, Catra. It all looks grey to me.” 

Catra stopped to think for a moment. She’d never considered that not everyone saw the colors. “Not with your eyes, Miss Heidi. The other colors.” 

“Other colors?” 

She nodded. Her teacher looked at her for a while longer. “Do you remember how to count to ten, Catra?” 

She thought about it. “Yes.” 

“Can you tell me?” 

“1-2-3...4-5-6-7...8...9...10”. 

Her teacher clapped. “Yay! Good job. Now…” She started writing something down again. “Can you read me these numbers?” 

Catra stared at the paper. Again, something wasn’t quite right. “6...The rest of these are wrong, Miss Heidi.” 

“How are they wrong, Catra?” 

She held the paper up to her teacher to see. “It’s not the right colors, see?” 

The young women shrugged. “I guess you’re right Catra. I just didn’t see it. If I tell you the name of the school, will you remember it?” Catra nodded. “You go to Cedar Mills Elementary School”. Catra nodded again. “Will your mother take you to the right bus stop?” 

Catra shook her head. “She says I’m old enough to do it myself.” 

“I see.” Miss Heidi looked unhappy. “Well if I draw you a picture of how to get to your stop, could you find it? Are you good at knowing pictures, Catra?” 

“Yes.” 

She scribbled some more things down and gave Catra a drawing. “This is your house here.” She pointed to a little house drawing. “If you walk outside and go left, you remember which way that is, don’t you?” Catra nodded. “Okay, so go that way, and count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 roads down, and that’s where the bus stop is.” 

Catra stared at it, committing that to memory. She folded the paper once and put it in her pocket for safe keeping. “Thank you Miss Heidi.” 

“You’re welcome, sweetie.” Catra started to get out of the car. “And Catra?” She stopped. “Do you always see those other colors?” 

Catra nodded one final time. “Yes. I always do.”


	6. Born Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sadness and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE these two. Their lives together, experiences and thoughts play out like a movie in my head. I just wish there was a faster way to get it all down into words because it's KILLING ME to take the time to write all this nitty-gritty stuff when I know that good-good gay-disaster angst is coming up shortly. *sigh*
> 
> I guess you'll all just have to wait too :/ Sorry bout it.

Catra looked small when they saw her next. Maybe it was because Adora had grown a whole two inches since then, so almost everybody looked smaller to her. But she didn’t think that was it. Catra just looked small. She was just as shy as the day she first came to stay with them all that long time ago. She didn’t want to play with Adora, but there were other children at the park, so Adora didn’t mind too much. 

They had picked her up after school one day and took her to a special kind of doctor because she was having trouble learning her letters and numbers and things like that. Adora didn’t understand why Catra’s parents weren’t doing it. Adora’s mother said the person they were going to see was a friend because they couldn’t actually take Catra somewhere since she wasn’t part of their family. 

The special doctor lady had Catra do a bunch of things that Adora did in class, like read and practice letters and numbers, and then she did some other things with blocks and toys, asking her a bunch of questions. It kind of looked like fun. Adora wished she could do it too. 

When they were done, the lady came back over to them, Catra right behind her. “Well I obviously can’t do a formal diagnosis in this case, but it sounds like she’s got a specific form of synesthesia, called grapheme-color synesthesia. It’s a condition that tends to develop in early childhood. It basically means that she’ll perceive something like a flash of color with different sights or sounds. It can make memorization really easy because she can find patterns or make maps, if you will, but it can also be really confusing if the colors don’t always match up.” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “So, right now, it seems like sometimes the colors she perceives from sight don’t match up with ones she gets from sound, which makes learning to read and write difficult because things will get jumbled up.” 

“Well what can be done to help her? I don’t think she’ll get much support at home. Her teacher called me a few weeks ago to tell me that her mother couldn’t be bothered to even make sure she got to school alright.” 

“I can send you some resources, but usually, I’d have somebody work with them on the side. She’s just got to get down a system that works for her. It’ll get easier as she gets older -she’s still very young, but she’s already really good with audition and images.” 

They thanked the nice lady and went to get ice cream before sitting down at the park. Catra looked like she’d never eaten ice cream before -she practically inhaled it. Adora wouldn’t find out until much later that it was because Catra really never had had ice cream before. She would soon discover there were plenty of things Catra never experienced. Adora went to go play while Catra sat with her mother. Adora only wondered for a second what they might be talking about -or, rather, what her mother was talking about. Catra hardly ever said much. Adora was too busy playing lava monster and swinging and being a monkey in the amazon jungle, until, finally, her mother called her back over. 

She had given Catra a little backpack, kind of like what Adora took to school with her. “Can we meet here once a week and read together? Shall we say, Friday’s at 3? Is there a nice big clock at your house?” 

Catra nodded and put the backpack on, and they took her home. The park was very close to Catra’s house, which was good if she was going to be walking all by herself. Adora wouldn’t like doing that. But Catra did it anyways. Every Friday at 3, they met in the park so that they could practice reading together. Catra still didn’t really talk to Adora. Every once in a while she would play with her, but she always ended up doing something mean, like push her down the slide or throw mud at her. Catra always went home with a backpack full of snacks. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

A year later, Catra’s mom has been using drugs again and has to go away to stop using them. Catra didn’t fully understand what that meant. All she knew was that she was never to touch “mommy’s medication”, otherwise she’d get her ass beat. Not that she ever would touch whatever made her mom so...strange -distant. She didn’t want anything to do with her mother most of the time. She was mean, and as far as Catra could tell, she wasn’t much of a mother at all. Adora’s mom was better to her than her own mother. That didn’t seem right. 

Ever since she started seeing somebody a few months ago, she’d been worse. Catra had never been in love before, but she was pretty sure that whatever Gary and her mother had wasn’t it. All the fairy tale stories Adora read said that the people knew each other for forever. Her mom hadn’t even known Gary for a whole school year before they got engaged. Her mother wasn’t even wearing an engagement ring.

Her soon-to-be husband can’t be considered a legal guardian yet in her mother’s absence, which Catra is grateful for. He seems like he’s a lot younger than her mom, which she finds strange. He’s got tattoos, like her real dad, except Gary’s are ugly. He’s got pale white skin and spiked hair that looks greasy, and he always wears a stinky cologne that’s permanently all over the house now. He actually pays more attention to Catra than her mom, but it’s never for good things. Catra’s happy to be getting away from him. 

More business people come to take her back to Adora’s house -one of them is the same as before. The house looks the same -like something from one of the stories they read. But this time, when Catra walks in, she doesn’t feel that it’s so strange. It’s different from what she’s used to, but nice, and she is used to being around Razz and Adora now. It’s frustrating how good Adora is at reading -and everything else. Even though she’s just a year older, she’s already going into the first grade. Catra had to go through Kindergarten again. It was stupid. 

On the weekends, Catra has to sit through Adora’s soccer games. Sometimes she just wanders around and finds good rocks, but other times she actually watches. She thinks it’s funny when other kids fall down, especially when they trip over the ball. She wishes Adora would trip over the ball, but she never really does. Adora is too good to do that -of course. She is pretty fast. Catra doesn’t think she would stand a chance in a race against her -not that she’d ever want to do that. Adora is much bigger than her. 

At the end of games, Adora’s teammates all get together and have snacks together. Catra tried to sneak some gummies, but got caught by one of the other siblings of one of the players. “Hey! You can’t have those!” 

She was ready to run. “She can have mine.” Adora had come up behind her, drinking from her cool water bottle. Catra didn’t have a special water bottle. 

“Oh.” The brown-haired girl softened. “You know her Adora?” 

“She’s my foster sister.” Catra stared at her. They weren’t sisters. They had different parents. She shrugged and took her gummies elsewhere. Whatever. It got her free snacks. 

Maybe they would get along better if Adora wasn’t so...Adora. She was always asking to play when all Catra wanted was to be alone. She was always upstaging Catra at anything and everything they did together, just because she was bigger and stronger and she didn’t see colors. The only thing Catra could do better was dance -Adora was a terrible dancer, and it filled Catra with utter glee. But it wasn’t all bad when Adora just watched her dancing. She would just sit and watch, sometimes she’d even go to practices to watch. Catra didn’t understand why, but it made her feel good. Except for when she messed up. When Catra messed up, Adora would try to tell her it was all great when it wasn’t and made her mad like nothing else. 

The time they got along the best together was watching TV together, mostly because it was a silent thing to do. Adora still tried to talk through it sometimes.Tonight they were watching the Swan Princess. Catra liked the first song, where the boys played pranks on the girl who followed them everywhere, but somehow she still won things. It felt oddly like her and Adora. But then of course, she turns out to be beautiful in the end, just like Adora would be -perfect at everything. Catra munched on her popcorn grumpily, wishing she could turn Adora into a goose rather than a swan. 

Catra’s birthday was the event she thought might change the way she felt about Adora. Catra had never had a birthday party before. There’s five other kids there she recognizes from her Kindergarten class -not that she had ever really liked any of them. The one who blew snot bubbles was alright. But there’s a blow up obstacle course and a pinata shaped like tiger, which is her favorite animal ever. They have a chocolate ice cream cake and there’s even presents! Her very own birthday presents. At the end of the day, it had all been Adora’s idea.

Why? Why was she so nice? Why did she care? Catra thought about it for a long time that night before going to bed. At seven years old, Catra discovered some people were just born good like that.


	7. Holiday Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra's first Halloween and Christmas <3 (SO CUTE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Catra's first Christmas destroyed me in the best way.

Halloween was always one of Adora’s favorite holidays -mostly because she got to be whatever she wanted. This year, she was a knight. Her mom helped her and Catra make their costumes. Catra’s was much simpler. She was in a black leotard with black tights, a tail, and ears she wore as a head. With her hair unbrushed and everywhere, Catra looked like a dark lion -it was kind of cool and it suited her. Adora’s mom was helping her do the makeup part. Adora was glad she didn’t have to do any of that. 

The blonde wore a helmet and breastplate armor they got from the store, but she made her own greeves that she painted gold. The best part though was her sword -also gold, with a beautiful blue gem in the middle. She pretended it was a magic stone taken from the nest of a dragon. Catra called her stupid but she didn’t care. Adora liked using her imagination. Besides, the armor made her feel brave, like she could do anything. 

Adora’s mom finished with Catra’s makeup -it looked very real! Catra looked like one of those kittens with different colors all over because of her eyes. They were each given a pumpkin basket and sent off into the neighborhood. They walked down the steps, both excited. “I can’t believe your mom lets you do this.” 

Adora shrugged. “We’ve done it every year.” Plus, she was already eight years old, and her mom said this neighborhood was safe for her to be alone in. 

“Lucky. I never been trick-or-treating before.” Catra had begun swinging her basket. She wasn’t usually this talkative, but Adora wasn’t complaining. She liked when Catra was in these moods. Plus it was nice to see her having fun and actually smiling. She wasn’t always happy. 

“How come?” 

They approached the first house, following a small group of women with some really little kids. “I guess I could if I really wanted to. My mom wouldn’t care.” 

Catra’s mom didn’t sound like she cared about much of anything from what she understood of Catra’s home situation. They knocked on the door, excited to see what the person on the other side might throw into their buckets. A couple dressed as deer opened the door, smiling down at them. “Trick-or-treat!” 

“Awww, what a cute cat!” 

“And a brave knight!” Adora stuck out her chest. 

They each got a fistful of candy. Once they left the porch, Catra immediately looked into her bag. “WHOA! Lookit how much there is!” She had the biggest smile on her face. 

“Just wait till you see the house at the end of the street. They give two handfuls.” 

Catra took off, her tail swishing behind her. “Let’s go!”

Because they were running, they cleared the neighborhood before it even got dark. With buckets heavy and full of sugar, they ran all the way back home. They sat down on the livingroom floor and dumped their loads into piles on the floor. Catra somehow already had a couple pieces of chocolate in her mouth before all of it hit the floor. 

“If you sort it, then you can really see what you have.” Adora began making little piles of different kinds of candy. 

Catra was just picking up handfuls and letting it fall back down between her fingers. “Whatever. I can already see it all.” She grabbed a jolly rancher and put it in her mouth. 

Adora shrugged and continued sorting. That was just always the most logical thing to her. She briefly considered asking if Catra wanted to trade, but she already knew Catra would say no. “How come you wanted a boys’ costume?” 

Adora looked up at Catra. “Knights are cool.” 

“And for boys.” 

Adora furrowed her eyebrows. “Says who?” 

“Everyone. Duh.” 

“Nuh-uh.” Did everyone really think that it was strange she was a knight? 

“Yeah huh.” 

Adora had always been more interested in ‘boy’ stuff. She hated pink and loved blue. She liked superheroes and bionicles and hotwheels cars and legos and dinosaurs, not dolls and dress-up games. It only occurred to her that those things maybe weren’t good when somebody brought it up, then she felt weird about it. But she didn’t want to lie, and she really didn’t want to like those other girly things instead. She didn’t know why she liked boy things. She just did. 

Sometimes that was really frustrating. She liked playing sport games, but other adults used to tell her that she shouldn’t. For the most part, her other teammates thought it was cool, like when she played hockey for a year, or when she was on a baseball team. She was really good at those things, and it was fun. Why did it matter so much to other people that she was a girl? 

She looked at Catra, watching her pick through candy. Catra was girly, but she was a different kind of girly than other girls she knew. She wasn’t so over-the-top with everything pink, and she didn’t mind the mud or climbing, but she liked pretty things and painting her nails -something Adora absolutely hated. One thing was for sure though: Catra liked what Catra liked, and she didn’t care what anybody else thought. 

“Besides, you’re more like a princess than a knight.” 

“What? I am not!” 

“Are too! You always do what you’re told.” 

“Do not!” 

“Do too!” 

“I DON’T.” 

“Whatever, princess.” Catra seemed totally unbothered. Adora was seething. She was NOT a princess. But there was no use in arguing with Catra anymore. She wasn’t going to stop. She had now sorted her pile of Candy into two large piles. 

Adora crossed her arms over her chest. “I told you it was best to sort the candies.” 

Catra shot her a sassy look back. “No, I just sorted into chocolate and not-chocolate. Those are the only two things that matter.” Catra’s lips and tongue were a bright red from the sucker she’d just finished crunching on. Catra was a pretty girl. 

How could they be so different? 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………......................................................................................................................

Catra had never understood Christmas -not until this year. There was a light snow on the ground, thick enough to walk in and make angels. Catra had never done that before. Back at her house, there really wasn’t any yard, just cement everywhere, so the snow turned quickly to a dark grey slush -it was a bitter kind of cold. This, on the other hand, was fluffy and soft and Adora built her a snowman with arms and everything! She’d never built a snowman before. Catra liked throwing snowballs at Adora, but she did feel kind of bad when one got her in the eye. They went inside after that and had hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream. 

The house was fully decorated, with green tinsel around the ceiling, and delicate gold and silver ornaments hanging off it. Adora and Catra had made snowflakes out of paper and stuck them to the windows. There were nutcrackers and snow globes and little houses, and the biggest Christmas tree Catra had ever seen in the corner near the window. It was fun to decorate. She’d never done that either. She practically got lost trying to get some of the bead things around the bottom.There was a little train that went around tracks at the base of the tree. Adora had pretended she was the train person, picking people up and dropping them off for the holdays. Catra made fun of her for it -for being older but still playing imaginary games like that -but she had to admit, it did seem like fun sometimes. She would never tell Adora that though. 

Everything about the house just seemed to sparkle and shine -like there really was such a thing as magic. When it got dark and they turned the main lights off, Catra thought the way all Christmas lights and candles glowed was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. She almost cried, but she didn’t let anyone see it. Catra even got her own stocking to put by the fireplace -it had her name and everything. But she didn’t believe in Santa. Not really, anyways. He just couldn’t be real. And she didn’t really understand the other part, the part about God and the baby that was born -but she liked the Little Drummer Boy. 

Her favorite movie was the Grinch though. It made her laugh until her stomach hurt. That whole night, they drank hot cocoa and ate the gingerbread houses they made while they watched all of Adora’s favorite Christmas time movies. Rudolph, Santa is Coming to Town, Frosty the Snowman, and Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas. Then Catra got to put on her very own Christmas Dance Recital in the living room. Her old preschool teacher, Miss Heidi is there, and her one friend from class. Adora sits right in front and watches so intently -big blue eyes wide. Catra feels graceful when she moves -she feels at peace. When she does the final turn and sees Adora sitting there, focused on nothing but her, she feels like she really must be good. She’s never felt this good before. She’s never felt like she belonged somewhere like this before. 

That night, she couldn’t sleep. She stared up at her ceiling with shapes moving around the room from her night-light lamp. This room already looked more like it was hers -really hers. There was a drawing she did on the wall, and she had new bedding that had cute little patterns on it. She even had her own stuffed animal, Melog the cat. 

She doesn’t know why she does it, but she gets out of bed, wanders across the hall, and enters Adora’s room with Melog under her arm. 

“Are you awake?” 

Adora lifts her head in response. She nods. Catra walks closer. 

“How come you can’t sleep?” 

Adora sits up, her hair almost as messy as Catra’s. “I’m too excited.” 

Feeling unsure, Catra gets up onto the foot end of Adora’s bed. “I think me too.” Does Adora think this is strange, for her to just come in here? No. It doesn’t seem like it. She looks totally unconcerned. Sleepy, but not bothered. 

“What do you think you’ll get?” 

Catra shrugged. “I dunno.” Probably nothing. She knows she hasn’t been good, but she did try this year at school, and it didn’t do anything for her. 

“Well...what did you wish for?” 

Catra looked up at her, confused as to why she would ask. “I can’t tell you, dummy.” Then it wouldn’t come true. 

Adora shrugged. “I hope we get a puppy.” We?

Catra just knew that they would go downstairs in the morning and see beautiful presents, wrapped with bows and shiny paper and ribbon -all for Adora. There was no way she would get any presents. It put a bad feeling in her stomach. 

“Do you want to sleep here tonight? We could have a sleepover.” 

Catra had never had one of those. She heard girls at school talk about them sometimes, but she didn’t know what they were all about. Adora sometimes had them with friends, but Catra tended to stay away. Did Adora really want to have a sleepover with her? That’s what friends are supposed to do. Were they friends? Catra felt a twinge of guilt for throwing so many snowballs at her...and scribbling over some of her drawings...and breaking her favorite cup...and...a lot of other things she did. Adora was the good kid. Catra was the bad kid. Did she really want to be friends? 

For some reason, Catra felt like she was being pulled. She nodded slightly, then waited. Nothing happened. “Now what?” 

Adora blinked at her. “What do you mean?” 

“What do we do? At the sleepover?”   
Adora laughed, which made Catra feel embarrassed but it was also a very good sound. She liked when she could make Adora laugh sometimes. “All kinds of things. Mostly just talk about things and stuff.” 

“Oh. Like what?” 

“Like anything. What cookies do you think Santa will eat first?” 

Catra thought about it. She doubted Santa was even real, so she really didn’t think any of the cookies would be eaten, but her favorites were the ginger cookies. Those had to be everyone’s favorite cookie. “The ginger ones.” 

Adora nodded. “I think so too.” 

So they talked -about Christmas and school and games they liked to play. Eventually, Adora pulled back the covers and offered to let Catra in. She made fun of Adora because that was weird, but she got in anyways, and she immediately knew what the hullabaloo about sleepovers was. The second the covers fell back over her, the warmth she felt was like nothing else -even better than hot cocoa with five whole marshmallows. It made her drowsy and her eyes got heavy. She didn’t even care if it was funny for people to have sleepovers like this. She was asleep too quickly to care. 

In the morning when they woke up, they ran downstairs and paused when they saw what was under the tree. Presents. Some small, some huge. All wrapped in shimmering ribbons and gold-gilded paper of red and green and silver. The change from awe and excitement to sadness was fast when she remembered that none of them were to be hers. Adora was moving around excitedly, sifting through packages and bags, sorting them into piles. Catra just watched her. 

She haphazardly made her way to the coffee table, where they had left cookies and carrots. The carrots were gone. All gone! All but one cookie remained and the milk was half drank. “Adora! Adora, look! It’s gone!” 

Adora came over, smiling. “I knew they’d be gone. It’s like that every year.” She bent down. “There’s a note. He always leaves a note. Read it!” 

Catra held it for a moment, trying to decipher the images and colors. “Thank you for the...milk and cookies. They were very…” 

“Delicious.” 

“Deli-cious?” Adora nodded in affirmation. Catra continued. “My reindeer made short work of the carrots too. Santa.” 

“I’m gonna go get my mom!” She was gone in the blink of an eye. Adora always said ‘my’ mom, but Catra didn’t find that strange. Even though Razz was a good mom, she wasn’t Catra’s mom. 

Adora returned with a sleepy looking Razz, her hair frizzy and crazy from sleeping on it. “My, it looks like Santa brought you girls a lot of presents.” 

Catra looked at the piles again. Yeah, there certainly were a lot of presents. Adora put one in her hands. It was a small box with shimmery paper and an icy blue bow on top. Adora was already tearing into a different one. “Aren’t you gonna open your present Catra?” 

She looked up at Adora and Razz, who were both watching her. “My present?” 

“Yes, dear.” 

She looked back down at the box in her hands. There was a little silver sticker at the top that read: ‘From Santa, to Catra”. 

To Catra. 

Maroon. Catra. That was her color. It...really was her name on the box. This was for her -this was HER present. 

She looked back up at them. “I have presents?” 

Adora laughed. “Of course you do.” Of course? Like it was just natural. “That pile is yours.” Her eyes followed Adora’s finger to the second pile. It looked like she had even more packages than Adora. It had to be a mistake. She ran to the pile, checking the names on the silver sticker. Maroon. Maroon. Catra. Maroon. None of them were blue. 

She tore into the small box in her hands and the tears started to fall. It was a music player. She got her very own music player. “Catra, what’s wrong?” 

She tried to wipe them but they just kept coming. “I-I n-ever had presents before.” Adora came and sat down next to her, patting her shoulder. Catra didn’t pull away like she normally would. “I wasn’t good this year.” 

Adora furrowed her eyebrows. “Yes you were.” 

She couldn’t bring herself to look at Adora. “I m-made you cry a lot.” 

Adora kept her hand there. “I forgave you, silly.” 

Catra sniffed. “Why?”

“Cause that’s just what you do.” 

Catra wiped her eyes with her PJ sleeve, finally looking up at her. “You don’t hate me?” 

“Of course not!” Of course. There it was again, like it was so normal. “C’mon. Open your presents.” 

Catra nodded, unsure at first that she should really be allowed to do this. But each present seemed more exciting than the last. She got headphones for the music player, some clothes, a hula hoop, some movies, her favorite candy, new colored pencils, a pretty bracelet, and a suitcase, so that she could bring more things with her if she ever had to come back. Her stocking was full of all kinds of goodies too. 

“Wait...there’s something behind the tree…” Adora disappeared behind the tree and came out with the most beautiful bicycle Catra had ever seen. It was a deep purple with white markings, and there was a basket in the back and a bell on the handle bars. Catra gasped. “It’s for you, Catra.” 

She squealed. “Is it really?! Is it really for me?!” 

Adora showed her the tag. Maroon. She jumped up and down and ran around it and rang the bell at least ten times. Her very own bicycle! Razz let her ride it around the house all morning. It wouldn’t be until their teen years that Catra would discover it was Adora who asked ‘Santa’ for Catra to get a bike.


	8. Two Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snippet of insight into both Adora and Catra's childhood. (hint: Catra doesn't really get to have much of a childhood).

Even though they fight a lot and Catra could be mean, things had gotten better by the end of this last time. Adora was glad she seemed to be happier -she certainly laughed a lot more. It was hard to watch her go. Adora’s mom said the reason Catra got so mean again during that last week was because she didn’t want to go back either. She said that Catra was hurting and that’s why she pushed Adora down the stairs, because she doesn’t know how to handle her anger. Adora didn’t understand that -not being able to handle a feeling - but she was sure it was difficult. 

Every once in a while they write letters to each other, although Catra has handwriting that’s really hard to read so she doesn’t always get what Catra is trying to say. For the most part, they talk about school or being at home. Catra’s mom sounds terrible -like she’s not much of a mother at all. Catra doesn’t like the man her mother is marrying either, which is sad. At least she has her bicycle so she can go other places. It sounds like she uses it a lot. Sometimes, Adora’s mom drives her to the park near Catra’s house and they see each other for a bit, although there’s no guarantee Catra will be in a good mood that day. One time, she didn’t even show up. Adora wrote her a letter and asked why but Catra didn’t respond to that one. 

The truth was, being at home without Catra was a bit less...well...just less. Adora had grown accustomed to somebody else being there whenever she got home from practice. Even though they didn’t always play together -Catra wasn’t always in the mood -she was still there. Now whenever she’d get home from school, her mom would be at work all day and Adora would just have to entertain herself. The house just felt a little bit more...empty. Was it really like this before? 

She started spending more time practicing outside with her soccer ball and talking to other friends from school on the phone. She really liked being in first grade. It was a lot more fun than kindergarten for some reason -probably because she got to read whatever books she wanted. And they got to do more exciting things during P.E., like the scooters and the rope climbing. Adora liked being the only girl in her class who could keep up with the boys during P.E. class. 

She was also the only girl who could catch them during tag -they didn’t like that so much, for the most part. But the boys who were her friends thought it was fun. Some of them said they had a crush on her, but she didn’t feel the same way at all. In fact, she was almost the only girl in her class who didn’t like any of the other boys. It’s not that she thought they had cooties or anything, she just didn’t think they were cute. 

One time, at the grocery store, her and her mother were on the way out and they passed a woman with platinum blonde hair that was cut short and styled, and bright green eyes. Adora thought she was beautiful. She turned her head to watch the woman as they passed. For a moment, Adora thought, ‘maybe I like girls’. But that was silly. She continued out of the store with her mother and didn’t look back. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Being at home was like living in a completely different world from the Ethers’ house. Now that Catra was almost 9, she has to fend for herself -more than she already did, that is. Her mother still just kind of goes through life as if she doesn’t exist, unless she needs somebody to blame for something. Only then does Catra get acknowledged. Maybe that’s why Catra doesn’t care, maybe it’s not. She doesn’t know. All she knows is that it’s up to her to make sure things get done. 

The only reason she keeps going to school is because she knows -now -that it’s illegal not to go to school and teachers take attendance. She’s tired of seeing cops all the time. She’ll be happy if she never has to see another police officer ever again. If they aren’t there to talk to her mother or Gary about something, they’re there for the neighbor about drugs or their yelling or gun shots, the list goes on. She has come to understand that the neighborhood they live in isn’t considered a good one, and the job her mother works isn’t a respected one. Catra has already vowed that she’ll be nothing like her mother. She’ll still do illegal things, but she won’t get caught. Catra’s too smart for that. 

She’s already got a system down. There’s 13 stores within a short biking distance of her house. 2 of them are convenience stores, 2 are full grocery stores, 3 are thrift shops of sorts, and the rest are a mixed bag. She started really small last year, stealing things like candy and whatever pocket-sized items were in empty isles. She learned where the cameras were and how to block herself from view. She learned she could sell things to other kids for their lunch money, or trade them candy and flavored chapstick for other homemade food they brought. Eventually, she learned that if she used money to pay for even one or two of items, she seemed less suspicious. The trust only emboldened her to take more. Soon she’d be paying maybe two to three bucks at a time, but making double that worth in profit from what she took sold -or kept for herself sometimes. 

Eventually, she stopped taking things from the little private-owned stores because she decided she liked those owners. She would only take from the big companies she knew made stupid money -their prices were too high anyways. Once she felt like she had all the clothes and trinkets she wanted and she had a steady cash flow -enough to keep herself fed -she gave a little bit to the kids she knew needed it, the kids like her with shitty parents, but who were too scared or too good to do something bad, even if it meant their survival. But being bad is what saved her, and it made her able to do some good for others, and that was a good feeling. So how bad could it be, really?

When she writes letters to Adora, she doesn’t tell her about it. She knows Adora won’t understand. Adora just gets whatever she wants and doesn’t have to work for it -at least, not like Catra does. Sure, there are times she wishes she could just be back with the Ethers, but then there are other times where she thinks that will make her feel suffocated. This is her world. She gets to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and she handles her own shit. Nobody tells her what she can and can’t do, nobody bosses her around. Catra feels free.


	9. They Grow Up So Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora doesn't like puberty. Catra gets a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry these snippets are so short, but I feel like they're necessary in between the bigger plot points in this story.

There haven’t been any letter responses from Catra in a while. It makes her kind of sad but she knows Catra is probably busy. They haven’t seen each other in a while either. The last time was maybe a month or so ago and she really hadn’t been interested in playing. She just wanted to talk, which was fine -just less fun. Something was different about Catra. She was a bit more...shy? That wasn’t the right word. But she definitely seemed more serious. Adora couldn’t get her to laugh at all. Adora was just thankful that she didn’t seem to notice the changes Adora was going through. 

She started puberty about three months ago. It started when she grew about seven whole inches in four weeks. That part was cool, except she got these funny marks on the back of her knees and the side of her hip. Her mom said they were stretch marks because she grew too fast. Nobody told her about those! She didn’t like them but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. They were just like funny little scars. But that wasn’t the worst of it. She started to get boobs. She hated it. She didn’t want boobs. She hated wearing the dumb training bra for PE and for soccer. She didn’t want other people to know she was going through puberty. Nobody else seemed to be doing it. Well...maybe one other girl. She already had boobs that were kind of big. Some of her guy friends would talk about them. Adora really didn’t want that. 

One time, after the most recent ‘health talk’ at school, they did a gender switch. Her friend Cody came back all wide-eyed. He whispered, “did you know that girls really bleed from their...you-know-what’s?” Adora just nodded and said yes, but she wasn’t about to tell him that she’d already started having that. The bleeding wasn’t so bad -it didn’t hurt. It just scared her the first time. She was excited for when she was older and could use tampons instead of pads, then she wouldn’t have to worry about other people seeing it somehow. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
On her birthday this year, Catra gets three things in the mail: a card from the Ethers, a gift box from the Ethers, and a small white envelope with her name and address on it. She opens that one first. It’s a folded letter with handwriting she doesn’t recognize. 

Mija, 

She doesn’t understand this word -itt’s purple -but it nags at her somehow. She’s sure she has to know what it is. She googles it. 

‘Mija is a colloquial word for "Mi hija", my daughter. While it is used by parents to address their daughters, in Mexico. it is a term of endearment from someone older, and not necessarily related, towards a younger woman or girl.’

Suddenly, she hears it in a man’s voice. Mija. It’s not purple at all -it’s evergreen. This is from her father. She puts the letter down for a second and mentally prepares herself to read it. She hadn’t heard anything from her father since he’d left, but she could still hear him say that one word: Mija. He would call her to him like that and let her sit on his lap. She would pretend to color in his tattoos, although she couldn’t remember what any of them looked like now. 

She remembers him though. He’s the reason her skin is so dark, and she has his teeth. She knows because she remembers poking his pointy canine teeth. He used to pretend he was a dog sometimes when he played with her -which wasn’t often, but still, she loved it. She loved him. His voice was kind of rough sounding, and he often threw in spanish words -none of which Catra picked up. She wonders just how different life could have been if he had stayed instead of her mother. 

Mija, 

I know you barely remember me. I have changed a lot since then. I made lots of mistakes in my life (some of them got me in here), but my worst offense was leaving you to fend for yourself. I know I don’t have the right to ask, but I hope someday you’ll forgive me -for not doing right by you and not teaching you all the things I now wish somebody taught me. So I write to tell you, Mija, that the world can be cruel, but that doesn’t mean you have to be cruel too. Be strong, but never cruel. 

Papá 

She had so many feelings, so many thoughts. 

‘Leaving you to fend for yourself’...did that mean he knew her mother was no mother at all? Why did he do it -let himself get caught? Or maybe somebody ratted him out? Maybe he didn’t really do it. Maybe he was innocent! She had to know. She had to talk to him, to figure out where exactly he was and see him. Why had she never thought of that before? 

She was angry. Angry that he did something stupid and got caught for it. Angry that he didn’t make more of an effort to communicate with her -ever- up until this point. Angry that her mother was the one who remained. Angry that they’d ever been married in the first place. Why couldn’t her father just raise her on his own? She was also sad, about all of that. 

She spent the next week thinking about that letter and what it might mean. She couldn’t bring herself to steal anything for almost two weeks. Every time she thought about it, she could hear her father say, ‘Don’t do it, Mija. Don’t be like me.’ Fuck that. She didn’t know if she was anything like him! She had no idea what he was like. The last time she saw him, she was like 5. He literally wasn’t even around, and hadn’t been for a long time. Who was he to tell her what to do? But still...she couldn’t do it. It made her angry because she didn’t know why. 

It wasn’t until the next time that it donned on her. As she was paying for the gum and a gatorade, holding the t-shirt and flashlight to her body under an arm, she realized that if her father, a hardened man, could change, then maybe she could too. She could figure something out.


	10. Just Kid Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just more stuff :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad you guys have been enjoying this stuff. I think it's super cute and also very, very much needed for my soul. Their story is beautiful <3

Catra’s mom had started using drugs again and was sentenced to court-ordered rehab. This makes Adora really sad but she’s a bit excited to see Catra. Excited and nervous. It had been like four years and they’d seen each other maybe, what, five times? Maybe. Things were different now. They had taken in a pair of siblings that were 8 and 9 years old. Their names were Lonnie and Kyle. They were half-siblings. Lonnie was older by a year, and quite a bit taller than Kyle, who was just a gangly little guy. He cried at just about everything and Lonnie was the opposite -she reminded Adora a little bit of Catra sometimes. Except Lonnie was more nurturing. At any rate, Adora and Catra would have to share Adora’s room. She was almost certain Catra wouldn’t like that. There were times when Catra just needed her own space. 

This time, Catra walks by herself from the car, dragging her suitcase and carrying a small duffel bag. She’s gotten taller too, but it doesn’t look like she’s going through the same terrible changes Adora is, and that makes her feel a bit self-conscious. She dresses differently than she used to. She’s in a black tank top that looks like it’s been cut at the very bottom, skinny jeans, with a red flannel tied around her waist, and high-top converse. It also looks like she has...a...nose ring?! She wasn’t old enough for that! 

“Catra, your nose!” 

She rolled her eyes, which were the same as they always were -beautiful. “Chill, it’s fake. What are you, the piercing police?” 

Adora sighed. “No, I was just-” 

“Whatever.” Catra walked right past her and through the door. Adora glanced back to where her mother and the social worker were talking on the lawn. Guess I’ll just tell her then... Adora runs to catch up with her -she’s already up the stairs and walking down the hallway. “What the hell?” 

Adora pauses for a moment. Catra swears now? She came up behind her in the doorway to what used to be the room she stayed in. Now there were toys scattered all over the floor and Adora’s old play table in the corner, drawings all over the wall. “So we took in a couple more foster kids. We just couldn’t let them be separated.” Adora couldn’t see Catra’s face, but she could see the fist clenched at her side. She waved at Kyle and Lonnie who were at the table playing. “Kyle, Lonnie, c’mere.” 

They got out and came closer, eyeing Catra. “‘Dora, who’s that?” Kyle didn’t say anything, he just stood behind Lonnie. 

“This is Catra. She comes to stay with us too sometimes.” 

Lonnie laughed. “That’s a funny name.” Uh oh. 

“Yeah? Well you’ve got a funny face!” It was almost a yell. Kyle looked like he was about to cry. Lonnie squinted back at Catra. 

“Catra, be nice.” 

“I’ll be nice when she’s not a little shit!”

They all gasped. “Catra! Don’t swear like that.” Lonnie folded her arms over her chest and squinted harder at Catra. 

Catra lets out a noise of frustration through gritted teeth and starts to sort of stomp away. Adora follows her. “So, you’ll be staying in my room.” 

Catra stopped. “Seriously?” 

Adora scratches the back of her head. “Yeah?” She rolls her eyes again and heads for Adora’s room. “It’ll be fun! It’ll be like when we were little and had sleepovers, remember?” 

Catra makes it through the doorway, turns around -giving Adora a deadpan look -and closes the door in her face. Oh. She hears the soft click of the lock. What had gotten her so upset? Was it really so terrible that there were other kids here? Is this how Catra was always going to be now? Adora sighed and went back to play with Lonnie and Kyle. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Catra learned to love staying in Adora’s room -the room with a nice big stereo. She would blast music and make up her own choreography after school. Sometimes Adora’s mom would come and ask her to turn it down because she was on the phone. Catra would begrudgingly put headphones in, but it never stopped her. This new dance class was amazing. How had she never tried hip-hop before? It was like...like...power. She’d always liked that kind of music, but she never dreamed moving like that could be so freeing. Some of the older teenagers in her class were amazing, the way they could stop and start their bodies -it was incredible. She spent hours and hours practicing in the mirror. She’d already gotten a lot better in just a couple weeks, but man, she wanted more. 

Plus, it was a nice distraction from being suffocated all the time. Everything was Lonnie and Kyle this, Lonnie and Kyle that. ‘Play with us, Adora -wah, wah wah’. God. They never shut up! And they were always hanging all over Adora -everywhere! All the time. It was so goddamn annoying. The only time they ever got to hang out was right before bed. They talked about a lot of things, and Catra found it relaxing. But, every single time Catra thought she might get to hang out with her -alone - during the day, even just a little, nope! Lonnie and Kyle were there. So she said screw it. She wasn’t about to fight for Adora’s attention. Catra could entertain herself during the day. 

So she stayed later at dance class and she practiced for longer using the nice full mirrors. Or she hung out with her new friends. She was riding her bike past the high school on her side of town one day and she saw them outside the little mini-mart down the street, looking suspicious. It was a couple guys and a girl, glued to a funny-looking ipad thing. Catra stopped. They had stolen something -beer. One of the guys in a beanie looked up at her. “Get lost kid, before I beat your ass.” 

She just smirked at them and crossed her arms. “Go ahead and sit there if you wanna get caught. The cameras can still see you there.” They just looked at her and then searched for a camera. She laughed to herself when they found it and looked alarmed, standing up and turning away. Amatures. “If you really wanna steal shit, you have to go around the other side. There’s no camera there.” 

She rode off, knowing they were watching after her. The next time she rode past on her way back to the Ethers, they called out to her. “Hey, kid!” She stopped. “What’s your name?” 

“Catra.” 

“Cool.” She smiled. Nobody ever thought her name was cool. That’s when she knew she liked these guys. The one who always wore beanies was Reggie, the hispanic looking kid was Xavier, and the girl called herself ‘entrapta’, but wouldn’t ever say what her real name was. Apparently she was on the spectrum or something. 

They were the inspiration Catra needed to start stealing again. Here she was, almost 13, hanging with the ninth graders -and she was the baddest of them all. She was the expert thief. She was the reason they made so much money. She taught them how to do it right, and together they made a decent profit -as far as a 13 year old is concerned, anyways. Entrapta got them set up on all these websites to sell clothes online -and people actually bought them! 

She didn’t tell Adora about it -she lied and said that she stayed REALLY late for dance. Adora wouldn’t understand. The world wasn’t rainbows and butterflies all the time like she thought it was. People screw up, and Adora didn’t seem to get that. Adora didn’t see that Catra was just one of those people who always does the wrong thing -that’s how she always would be. She was just way too...positive. Not realistic. And Catra hated the expectations that came with that boundless optimism. But she had to admit, it’s part of what made Adora so...charming.   
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Catra seemed to be Adora’s good luck charm. Whenever she went to a game, Adora played really well. Every time she would look over at the stands, Catra was there. One time she even waved and that was the time Adora scored a goal all the way back, just over the halfway line. Her whole team cheered. Nobody had ever done that before. Adora knew she could kick hard but she didn’t know she could kick THAT hard. She knew it was really just because the other team wasn’t that good -the keeper shouldn’t have been that far out of the box. But it was still cool. 

After the game, a couple of scouts came up to her and her mother and gave them cards. They were coaches for the largest select league teams in the area. They wanted her to come try out for the teams! She ran and showed Catra, who gave a little smile. “Yeah, that’s cool.” But Adora knew Catra was excited for her by the way her eyes lit up a little bit. She was kind of reserved, but she was still expressive, just not in the same way as most other people she knew. 

When two of her friends came over to stay the night, they practically screamed. “Adora that’s so awesome!” 

“Congrats!” 

“When are tryouts?” 

“Well, they basically play during the off season for schools because most of them have high school girls on them. So tryouts for this year haven’t happened yet. I think they’re in like a month and a half?” 

“Cool.” 

Rachael put her chin in her hands and sighed. “Adora, I swear, if you were a boy I would totally date you. You’d be the best boyfriend.” 

Adora thought about that for a moment. But...I’m not a boy. I’m a girl. I’m me. It was strange -that wasn’t the first time somebody had told her that. “Huh?” 

Sam opened the bag of popcorn. “You’re totally right. Adora you would make a great boyfriend. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re athletic, super thoughtful. Can you just be a boy so I can date you?” 

“Nope, sorry!” The number of times she’d wished she could just magically turn into a boy...poof. No more periods or boobs. She’d be bigger and faster and stronger. She’d be more confident. She would maybe even get a girlfriend. Wait, girlfriend? Did she want a girlfriend? No, that’s ridiculous. Just because she didn’t want a boyfriend didn’t necessarily mean she wanted a girlfriend. She didn’t like girls...

“Ooh, so who are you going to the dance with?” THE dance. The big 8th grade dance. The dance everyone was nervous about because nobody had gone to one before. 

“Jake already asked me.” Sam crunched on some popcorn. 

Rachael laughed and grabbed a handful of her own. “Duh. I knew Jake was going to ask you. I was talking to Adora.” 

Oh. Adora hadn’t even really thought about it. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. Boys didn’t really talk to her much. Maybe it was the way that she dressed, or how she talked -she didn’t know. All she knew was that she wasn’t as...femanine as the other girls. She still didn’t like getting her nails painted, and she would rather die than wear one of those frilly, patterned bras that everyone seemed to be wearing -although she did like the way they looked on other people. 

“I think Albert wants to ask you out.” Rachael raised her eyebrows suggestively. 

Adora threw popcorn on her. “Oh, leave him alone.” Albert was a quirky, nerdy kid in her English class who liked her a lot. He was a bit strange, but totally harmless. Adora was just nice to him, but he seemed to kind of take that as interest. She had to shut him down...repeatedly...a lot. Poor guy. 

“But for real though. Who do you want to go with?” 

Adora shrugged again. “I don’t know! I don’t really...I don’t really care, I guess.” 

“You don’t like anyone?” 

She shook her head in response. “Nope.” She thought about it some more. “Maybe I’ll take Catra.” 

“Your foster sister?” 

Adora sat up and peeked over the edge of the bed to make sure she couldn’t hear them. She was laying there with her headphones in, blasting music loud enough that they could hear it. Yup. We’re good. She can’t hear. “Yeah.” 

“Why? She’s younger isn’t she?” 

“Yeah, but she’s a really good dancer.” Sam raised an eyebrow. “No, really. She’s crazy good.”

“You know people go there to dance with the person they like, right? Not the actually dance-dance.” 

Oh, good. Then Catra could save her from the embarrassment of being the only fourteen year old in the whole wide world to not have a crush on somebody at the moment.


	11. Thriller Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween is spooky.

This halloween, Catra decides to be Catwoman. Inspired by Halle Berry’s hotness, she gets a leather pants and a mask, and full, arm-length gloves. She can’t find a top like hers for kids, so she makes her own out of a tight black t-shirt. She makes it nearly backless, except to cover her bra, and it does the criss-cross thing in front, only it’s a bit less...chesty. Mostly because Catra doesn’t have as much chest as Halle Berry. She checks herself out in the mirror -satisfied with her own badassery. 

Adora comes in right as she’s putting on a shade of red lipstick as the finishing touch. She’s dressed in a wonder-woman costume that’s basically just a t-shirt and leggings, with a dainty metal tiara that doesn’t really fit Adora. In fact, the whole costume just sort of falls flat. Adora had really nice legs from playing soccer, but she never wore pants that showed them, andAdora really didn’t like to show off her boobs, which was dumb cause she actually HAD boobs to show off. “What do you think?” 

“Is that really what Catwoman wore?”

Catra huffed. “Well if you don’t like it, why are you staring?” 

“I’m not starring!” But she was. Her eyes had been on Catra since she walked in the room. 

Catra turned away from the mirror, giving one final glance at her costume. “Whatever.” 

“Whoa…” Adora’s jaw fell open and she was definitely staring -hard. 

“Uh, you’re STILL staring. What?” 

Adora’s cheeks turned pink -they’d been doing that more lately. It was kind of cute how bashful Adora could be. She closed her mouth but didn’t deny it this time. “Your eyes look really cool in that mask.” 

Adora always thought her eyes were cool. It was nice -refreshing, even. Some people still occasionally called her a freak or asked her what was wrong. Adora just stared and blushed. Catra totally preferred that reaction. She turned back to the mirror and tried to get a good look at them. She was pleased with the makeup she put on -she was starting to get good at eye-liner. 

“Yeah, well you don’t look so bad in your tiara either, princess.” She smirked, knowing it would get a rise out of Adora. 

“It’s NOT a tiara. It’s a crown, there’s a difference.” 

“Tiara.” She turned and walked down the hall, Adora following close behind. 

“Crown.” 

“Whatever you need to tell yourself.” 

Adora groaned right as Lonnie and Kyle came flying up the stairs. Kyle was dressed as He-man, and Lonnie was the Red Power Ranger, both carrying two buckets each. “Trick-or-treating, trick-or-treating!” 

They danced around Adora, pulling at her hands, which immediately got under Catra’s skin. Of course. How could she forget. The only reason they were going out this year was because precious Lonnie and Kyle needed supervision. Bull. Shit. Adora and Catra went out when they were that age and it was fine. But suddenly, cry-baby Kyle wants, not just one, but TWO people to hold his hand in the dark, and bam. Catra needed to babysit? Tsh. She so did not have the patience for this tonight -or ever. Maybe she could sneak off with Adora and they could egg somebody’s house later tonight. Probably not -Adora was such a goody-goody. 

They went out just before dark. The neighborhood was still full of parents walking their young kids around, lights and fake lawn props all lit up, spider webs and graves and tombstones. Of course, Adora barely paid attention to her the whole time they were going around the neighborhood. She was trying to think of a way that they could just hang out together. “Gosh, it’s getting late. We should get you home so you can count up all that candy?” 

Adora eyed her suspiciously. “Yeah!” Lonnie cheered, holding up her bucket. 

“What about you and Adora?” Catra rolled her eyes. Ugh. Shut-up, Kyle. Just play along. 

“Yeah.” Adora was still watching her. “What about us?” 

“Well we’re going to the big-kids halloween stuff. You know, not for little kids.” She widened her eyes, trying to get Adora to catch on. 

“Huh? The party starts in like twenty minutes. Besides, I told my mom we’d take them with us. Where we go, they go.” 

Catra groaned. “Fine.” She looked down at Kyle. “But it’s awfully scary. There’s all kinds of monsters there.” She laughed when he seemed to cower away behind Adora. 

“Catra, don’t scare him.” 

“It’s true! I’m just warning him about what’s out there.” But they followed her anyway. There was a house right on the edge of a cemetery a couple blocks out that was rumored to leave giant buckets of candy for whoever was brave enough to walk through the cemetery alone. When she told them about it, Lonnie, Kyle, and Adora all looked at her with big eyes. 

“That can’t be real, Catra.” 

“Well I guess we’re just going to have to find out for ourselves, huh?” 

“I guess.” Adora got less and less sure the further from home they got. “Catra, are you sure you know where you’re going? This looks sketchy.” 

It was true. Somehow, the further away from the friendly urban neighborhoods they got, the more misty and less populated it seemed. But Catra knew pretty much every road on this side of town now. She rode a different way home every day from her school. “Yes, I’m sure”. 

Still, even as she said it, the way the haze seemed to dampen the street lights was like something straight out of a zombie apocalypse film. But Catra was ready to see Kyle poop himself. She wondered about Adora too. Would she be scared? This could be fun. Finally, they reached the gateway to the cemetery. There was hardly any sounds, except for cars and echoes of some drunk people walking through downtown after hitting the bars. 

Catra was the first to step through the metal arch. Was she crazy, or did it actually seem a bit colder? Kyle and Lonnie didn’t budge. Her eyes were drawn to a pile of rocks sitting on top of somebody’s grave thing. It looked bizarre -magic almost, the way they could be stacked, single-file so high without tipping. In fact, the whole place seemed to be an eerie kind of serene. Like death. Catra shivered. Maybe this was a bad idea. “No! I won’t go!” Kyle and Lonnie were shaking their heads, hiding behind Adora.

Adora looked at her, pleading with those big blue eyes. “Catra, I think this was a bad idea. We should just-” 

“Fine! I’ll go by myself!” She wasn’t afraid. They were just being scaredy cats. 

“Catra-” 

But she was already gone. I’m not afraid. I’ll show them. She’d dropped her bucket and ran, sprinting through rows of cement stones -names of people whose names would inevitably be forgotten in time. She felt her feet getting wet in the grass, but the only other sound besides footsteps was her own breathing. She didn’t think it would be this dark. How big was this cemetery? If she just went straight, surely it would be there at the end. But it wasn’t. She hit a corner with a fence. Okay...so she’d just run the perimeter. Somewhere in the distance, she heard a sound like moaning. It’s fine. It’s probably just a homeless guy, high off his ass. Yeah, that’s it. It’s all good. 

Finally. A sad, dark little house came into view, with a porch that looked halfway rotten. She approached it slowly, looking for signs of life. Nothing. But when she squinted, she could see...something...a big white bucket...that had to be it. She paused on the first step -the way it creaked, she was sure somebody would hear her and come outside -probably try to steal her fingers or something. She saw that in a movie once. No thanks. 

A second step. Nothing. Third. Fourth. She jumped the last four and made her way to the bucket. Nobody can see you. You’re in all black. Yeah, you blend right in. But as she neared the bucket, she heard a low rumbling from somewhere in the dark, making her heart stop and she froze. It grew in pitch until -”Ahh!” She screamed as something jumped out at her.

Oh. A cat. It was a cat. The small brown and orange cat lashed its tail back and forth. Catra laughed out loud at herself, sighing. She went to the bucket and looked at the note on the top. 

Congratulations. 

She opened it and saw the motherload of all candy. It was filled to the brim with chocolate and gummies and colorful assortments of packages and boxes she knew the other kids would love. She smiled and started the trek back to the others, barely able to lift the thing because of how heavy it was. The walk back was much more enjoyable. She’d made a mental map in her head of how to get back -it was really easy. She imagined how much they would praise her and how excited they’d be. What would Adora say? 

But then she heard a scream she recognized. Kyle. She rolled her eyes at first -it was probably a bunny or something stupid like that. He freaked so easily. Then the night carried other voices to her through the mist -voices she didn’t recognize. And Adora. 

“-eave us alone!....Give it back!” 

More shouting she didn’t recognize. She dropped the bucket and ran again. When she came up over the hill, she could see two cloaked figures, both wearing horribly disfigured and bloody masks, holding Kyle and Lonnie’s candy buckets. Adora was reaching for one, but the person had way longer arms. They were a lot bigger than her. One placed a hand on her chest and shoved her back. “Little bitch!” Adora stumbled, almost catching herself but her fot slipped off the curb and fell back onto the pavement. “Stay down!” Catra’s blood boiled. 

Without missing a stride, she grabbed the first two rocks off the stack on the grave by the arch, and chucked one. It clocked the one who’d shoved Adora right in the back of the head. “The FUCK!” He dropped the bucket on the concrete and grabbed the back of his head. 

By the time he’d turned around to look, Catra had already jumped onto the short brick wall and flung herself off it onto the other guy. He let out a surprised yelp as she latched onto his back, ripping his mask off from the back, the fake claws on the ends of the gloves no doubt scratching him as they scraped upwards. Then she bashed his nose with the stone in her hand. He crumpled, clutching his face, blood already starting to spill through clenched fingers. “Uahg.” He started crying. “My nose! She broke my fucking nose, dude!” 

The other guy pulled something out of his pants. A gun. Catra froze, staring at it. “Catra!”   
Adora was on the ground still behind him. Catra had never heard her voice like that before. She gritted her teeth. She’d seen guns before. Sometimes people in her neighborhood carried them around. In other neighborhoods, people got shot if they were wrapped up in gang life. This one looked funny. It looked...fake. “Yeah. What now, bitch? That’s what I thought. Back up.” 

Catra stared. It WAS fake. It had that little plastic orange tip at the end -they just tried to paint it black -badly. It was a TOY. She laughed, swatting it away with the back of her hand like Xavier showed her how to do, and kneed him in the nuts as hard as she could. He dropped faster than the first one. The noise the gun made skittering across the pavement confirmed that it was plastic. 

Maybe it was the adrenalin, or the costume -something gave her courage to vent her anger calmly now. She crouched in front of him, picking up the toy and turning it in her hands. She grabbed his cloak and pulled up upright. His face was an ugly purple. “Here’s the deal, pencil-dick. I know what a real gun looks like. I’m not stupid. But what you just did, was REALLY stupid, because now I’m angry.” She shook him a little bit. “So, you’ve got about thirty seconds to get out of my sight before I scratch out your eyeballs and shove them down your fucking throat. Got it?” 

He nodded, dry heaving a little before getting up slowly. Catra mentally pat herself on the back -she got him good. The two of them set out across the street and around the corner at a pace Catra assumed was as fast as they could go right now with one of them cradling his junk.

She nearly jumped when Adora slammed into her, wrapping her arms tightly around Catra. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t move, but she also didn’t know if...she wanted to? It was kind of nice. Catra couldn’t remember the last time she’d been hugged, but she knew it was Adora. It had been so long though -she’d forgotten what it felt like, the warmth... 

“Oh, Catra! Don’t ever do that again!” Catra could tell she was crying. “That was so dumb. What if it was real?” 

Catra tried to hide how hard she was shaking. Now that the fight was over, her body felt sort of limp. “It’s fine, Adora.” She lied. “It was fake. I knew it was fake.” 

Adora pulled her head away, but kept Catra in her arms. “Well, I didn’t.” Her breath hitched and her eyes made Catra stop for just a moment. Two tears spilled down her cheeks from the oceans welling above. “I’m supposed to be like your big sister. I’m supposed to protect you.” 

Catra couldn’t help but tease her, and she didn’t know what else to do with her hands, so she poked the center of Adora’s tiara. “Looks like you’re the one who needed protecting this time, princess.” She was thankful when Adora laughed and came back into the hug. It had to be the best hug ever. Catra never wanted it to end. “Look...we shouldn’t tell your mom about this. She’ll probably freak.” 

She felt Adora nod. “Yeah.” Little did they both know then that that would be the start of many adventures they never told Adora’s mom about. 

Two pairs of arms came around Catra’s back. Kyle and Lonnie had come out from wherever Adora no doubt told them to hide while she ‘took care of it’. The group hug was cute for like twenty six seconds but then Catra felt like she was being overheated. It took Kyle way too long to stop crying. He only finally stopped when Catra went back and retrieved the bucket of candy. It took her and Adora both to carry it home. All the way back, Kyle held Catra’s pinky finger. She didn’t mind it. 

When they got back to the house, the Halloween party was already in full swing. Razz asked where they went and when they showed off their big bucket of candy, Catra lied and said they went to the next three neighborhoods too. She seemed to buy it. They shared the candy with the rest of the party, which at first Catra was against, but there was other food there so most of it was left over. Besides, sharing it seemed to make Adora happiest. 

Catra didn’t usually like gatherings, and this wasn’t exactly an exception. Adora had her friends there to keep her busy, and Kyle and Lonnie were playing with some of the younger kids. Catra took satisfaction in knowing she could beat every person here at bobbing for apples, AND that she was no longer afraid to put her hand in the mystery bag, which she was sure was just cold, wet spaghetti noodles, and not brains or intestines or whatever else the adults wanted them to think it was. But the best part of the night came when Thriller turned up on the playlist. Catra was in the corner, just by herself, doing her own thing. When Thriller comes on, you dance if you know the dance, because it’s just what you do. So Catra had to dance -besides, it was so easy, she could do it in her sleep. 

She just kind of let herself get into it this time. Before she knew it, most of the party was watching her dance. Some of the adults were even recording her, but she didn’t care. Adora was standing front and center, watching with that start-struck, open-mouthed stare. Kyle was pulling at her arm for her to come see something, but Adora didn’t even budge, didn’t even look down. She was too busy watching Catra -with all of her attention, just like how it used to be -yet it was a little different. It was a bit more...exciting? More...just, more. She put her own twist on the dance -a little less leg and a little more hip. When Adora’s eyes finally meet hers again, Catra smirks and Adora’s cheeks go pink. That’s it then. That’s the key. Catra just has to dance and Adora is all hers.


	12. What Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora makes the team and Catra finally blows up about needing attention. A small scuffle ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting sooooooo close to the good bits. It's hard for me not to spoil anything. 
> 
> I know a couple people have commented that they relate to Adora a lot, and I'm glad. I'm writing about her character, but a lot of it is also just from what I remember and my experiences discovering my sexuality.

Adora was incredibly nervous during tryouts. The other girls were all really good, she could tell. Before they even started doing technical drills, some of them showed off some incredible footwork -the way they controlled the ball was just bonkers. Adora was alright. She had good control and she was accurate -she could simply put the ball where it needed to go. Adora was fast though. During the conditioning portion she was the fastest by a hair, but during the scrimmages at the end, nobody could catch her. If she made a breakaway, it was bound to be one-on-one with the goalie. That was the problem. The girl she was up against was massive. She had to be at least six-foot, and she looked like she ate nails for breakfast. It seemed like whatever shot Adora took just went straight to her, no matter where she was in the box. 

No wonder they called her ‘Octavia the Octopus’ -it really was like she had 8 arms. She caught everything. “Nice try, small fry.” She was mean.

The second day wasn’t any easier. It started with technical drills and a couple games, then ended with conditioning again. By the time it was over, Adora was drenched in sweat. As they waited there, trying to rehydrate, Adora prepared herself for the let-down. The coach was a lean, bald man who sort of yelled everything -most of the select league coaches were. “Now for those of you who make the second string, don’t take it too hard. This means you’ve got some talent -it just needs to be honed a little bit more. You’ll get there.” Adora would be happy if she even made second string. She felt like she didn’t stand a chance. 

The coach grabbed a bunch of penny’s. “Those of you who I call for a red jersey are on first string.” 

Some of the girls who knew each other held hands. Two of Adora’s teammates from school looked at her like ‘good luck’. Adora’s head was empty. She wasn’t even wishing for anything because she didn’t want to disappoint herself. It is what it is. 

“Flemming...Ramerez,..Pacheco...Deardry...Mossyrock...Fenton...Bell...Cho...Pierce...Kliery...Valdez...Van Volkenburg... Jones...Ether.” A jersey was tossed at her. What? Her hands caught it. She stared at it, bright red. She got a red jersey... She was first string? Why? 

By the end of it, only a handful of girls were really sent home without any position on the team. They all had pretty nasty attitudes, so Adora didn’t feel too bad for them. Sportsmanship was important. Adora’s teammates from regular club league congratulated her and expressed how bady they wished they’d made first string rather than second, but she was excited to play with them again at the high school next season. Maybe they would all be on JV together -who knew. 

She thought about it on the way home. She wanted to be able to tell everyone all at once, and she was excited to tell Catra but she wasn’t sure how she would respond. She’d been sort of...off lately. Over the last two weeks or so, she’d started to kind of shut down a little bit more, like she was reverting to when she was little and didn’t know how to deal with her emotions. She was super snappy and kind of mean to Kyle and Lonnie, which wasn’t exactly new, but it had been worse lately. And anytime somebody expressed excitement for Adora going to high school next year, she got weird. Adora just wished they could talk about whatever it was like normal people -it was kind of annoying, really. 

Adora helped her mother make broiled pork chops with spinach and grape salad and sweet potato fries for dinner. She really liked cooking. It was really relaxing, even if it was something she just did on her own -although it was admittedly much more fun with other people. It was something she and Catra could do together easily, and they could just talk and eat all night. Catra strode through the door right as the pork chops came out of the oven. “Perfect timing dearie!” Her mother said. Catra had been staying late a lot recently for dance. The teacher let her use the studio pretty much by herself. No wonder she’d been getting so good recently. 

They all sat down and dug in. Kyle and Lonnie went for the fries first, and Catra was pretty much done with the pork chop before Adora had taken a bite of salad. She had two loves in this world: meat and sweets. This dinner was a perfect combination of the two because the chops were broiled in apple cider and brown sugar. Adora knew it was one of Catra’s favorites. She’d be lying if she said it wasn’t part of the reason she wanted to make it.

They took turns going around the table talking about their days -what was one exciting thing they did and why. Catra said hers was that she finally picked a song for the studio showcase this year, which she was finally going to be able to participate in. Adora was thankful for that. She knew it killed Catra not being able to go because she hadn’t been able to consistently make practices before. Kyle made a new friend at school, named Rogelio, and Lonnie got 100% on a history project she was working on. 

“Adora, what about you?”

This is it. Adora pushed a grape around nervously. “Well...I made first string for Bright Moon Select.” 

Razz clapped excitedly. “Good, good! I’m so happy for you, love.” 

“What’s that?” Kyle was looking at her quizzically. 

“It’s-” 

Catra cut her off. “It’s a cult for people who eat, live, and breathe soccer.” 

“What’s a cult?” 

Adora glared at her. “It’s not a cult.” Catra just raised her eyebrows in response, resting her cheek in her hand on the table. “It’s like...it’s like a special soccer team for people who are pretty good at it so they can get better.” 

“My friend’s big sister does that. She wants to do it when she’s older.” Lonnie chimed in. 

“Who’s that?” 

“Monique Smitha.” 

“Oh, I meant her sister, but it’s probably Chrissy Smitha. I know her.” 

Lonnie nodded. “Yeah, I think that’s her name...she’s not very nice.” 

Adora smiled. She definitely had a mean streak on the field too. Hair and jersey pulling left and right. “Yeah, she can be like that sometimes.” 

“I wouldn’t want her on MY team.” 

“Well, I don’t think she’ll be on my team actually. She didn’t make first string. She’s on second.” 

Lonnie’s eyes went big. “HA! You’re better than Chri-ssy. You’re better than Chri-ssy.” She sang. “I’m going to brag to Monique tomorrow at school.” 

“Oh, don’t do that. Be nice.” 

“So, Adora dear, when do practices start?” 

She took her first bite of pork chop. Mmm -they came out perfect! She was pleased with herself. “Three weeks from now, which is good cause club will be over by then, but I’ll have to figure out how to balance that with track practices, since both are 5 days a week. Meets are on weekdays though so that leaves weekends for games.” 

“Well, you’ll be able to drive yourself soon and that’ll make getting from place-to-place a lot easier. You won’t have to wait on me all the time.” 

Catra made a noise. “Tsh.” She’d hardly touched her salad. “Must be nice.” 

Adora ignored her. Why was she being like this? So...ugh. “Yeah, I’m excited to drive myself.” 

Catra muttered into the table. “I bet you are.” 

That’s it. “What was that?” 

Catra dropped her fork, sitting back against her chair. “You just have it so rough, don’t you?”

“I wasn’t even complaining. I was just excited about this new opportunity.” 

Catra gave her that look -’whatever’ was written all over her face. “Yayyyy.” She sneered sarcastically. 

UGH. Why? “Catra, what is your problem?” 

“Which one?”

“Why is it suddenly SO terrible that I’m joining a select team?” 

“I don’t give a shit what you do with your time.” Ouch. Okay, that stung a little bit.

Adora didn’t have time to tell her not to curse in front of the younger kids. She was going to get to the bottom of this, right here, right now. “Then why are you so upset? Why are you responding this way?” 

“Tsh.” She forced a laugh. “I’m not upset -I literally don’t care. Not everyone is completely obsessed with you and everything you do, Adora.” Where is this coming from? Adora blinked at her for a moment. “Ooh, sorry Princess. Didn’t mean to burst your bubble.” She hated when Catra was like this. She pushed her plate forward slowly and stood up from the table. “I’m full.” She got up and walked somewhat briskly out the front door. 

Adora stood, pushing her chair back. “I’ll handle this.” She didn’t wait for her mother’s response -she was already through the livingroom and at the door. Catra was headed for her favorite climbing tree from when she was younger -something must really be wrong. She hasn’t climbed that tree in years. She used to climb up as high as she could and sit there until she was good and ready to come down on her own. 

She turned and saw Adora coming behind her and started to run for it. Dammit. “Catra!” If she made it to the tree, Adora wouldn’t be able to keep up with her -she was like a monkey. Adora sprinted, closing in just as Catra reached the base of the tree. She didn’t have time to slow down before grabbing her, and she didn’t want them to slam into the tree, so she wrapped her arms around Catra, kind of slamming into her, and twisting to avoid the trunk. They tumbled to the ground together with a shared ‘oomph’. But Catra was quick to squirm away. 

Adora grabbed one ankle and she tripped back down. “Ow. Fuck. Let GO!” 

“No! Not until you -hn -talk to me!” Catra kicked at her wrist. It hurt, but Adora sort of clamored her way up Catra -they tumbled and squirmed a bit more before Catra somehow got away. Adora was bigger but Catra was weak by no means, and she was agile. Adora had to catch her again, this time sitting on her hips and pinning her arms above her head. “JUST -hhgn- just TALK to me. PLEASE! What’s going on?” 

Now they were both breathing heavy and Catra had her head turned to the side, trying very poorly to hide her face. She was crying. There was definitely a tear on her cheek. Both Adora’s grip on Catra’s wrists and her voice softened. “Catra -” It was a mistake. Catra made a quick move and slipped her arms out of Adora’s grasp, but she was able to recover. She simply wrapped her arms and legs around Catra, now on their sides, Catra’s face buried in Adora’s chest. Catra tried to wriggle free a few more times before she finally stilled -then they were just breathing hard, Adora holding them pressed together. She felt Catra’s hands grab fistfulls of her shirt, nails digging in slightly. 

“Catra...please, let me in. What’s going on?” 

She took a few quiet breaths -Adora could tell she was trying not to sob. Her voice was strained and quiet. “I have to go back.” For a moment, the sentence didn’t make sense, but then Adora understood. “I have to go back soon, Adora.” The way Catra’s voice broke killed her. “I can’t get emancipated until I’m sixteen, but even then, I’d need my mom’s permission and there’s no way in hell she would do it.” Adora simply just held Catra firmly to her chest. 

“I know…” She waited. She knew if she just gave Catra the space, she would open up. 

“You’ve got new foster siblings that want to spend every fucking second with you, and you just...you just do it, and you’re going to the high school next year and playing soccer all year round, and track...and you’re going to be involved in so many things...I just...you’re going to forget about me and I’m never going to see you.” Catra’s hands pulled a little harder at her shirt. 

“Catra...that’s not true. I couldn’t forget about you even if I wanted to. You’re my oldest friend.” Catra sniffed against her, still kind of shaking in a heart-wrenching way. “Besides, once I can drive, I can always come and get you, and we can go places together.” 

“Promise?” 

Adora rested her chin on Catra’s head, and she nuzzled into Adora slightly. “I promise.” 

They stayed that way for a few minutes. Catra hated crying and Adora knew she wouldn’t want to show her face until she was done. Eventually her hands seemed to relax, and Adora also relaxed her python grip on Catra’s body with her limbs. Finally, Catra pulled away and gave a slight, haphazard push. “Get off, freak.” 

“Oh, you liked it.” 

Adora was pleasantly surprised to see that Catra was actually blushing. “Whatever.” 

“I’m surprised, I thought you’d put up more of a fight. You were pretty easy to take down.” 

“Easy my ass! It just wasn’t even worth the effort.” She pushed Adora, walking back towards the house. 

“Whatever! I’m just way stronger.” 

“Are not.” 

“Are too.” 

“I’ll actually try next time.” 

“Sure.” As they approached the door, Adora lightly tapped Catra’s arm. “Hey, uh, speaking of spending more time with me…” Gulp. Why was she suddenly nervous? Just ask her, dummy. 

Catra raised her eyebrows. “Yeah?” 

Oh man, why was this awkward? “Well there’s...my school is doing...well, we’re having a thing and I wanted to know if you would go...with me, to the thing, to the dance.” She felt a wave of heat move from her chest up to her ears. 

Catra laughed, a sound that Adora found she couldn’t get enough of. “What, couldn’t get your boyfriend to ask you?” 

“I don’t have a boyfriend. Boys are dumb at this age. Besides, I thought it would be more fun with you.” 

Catra shrugged. “Alright, fine. I’ll be your date.” 

The word ‘date’ seemed to ring in her ears a bit longer than normal. Adora shook her head. “It’s not a date, it’s just like...we’re going as friends.” 

“Duh. That’s just what it’s called, idiot.” There was no malice in her words though. 

When they re-entered the house, all was well in the world again. It was like a barrier was broken, somehow. Catra was always more comfortable with Adora’s touch than anyone else’s, but soon they would find wrestling re-matches were a fun way to settle play-arguments. Adora liked them because she always won. Well, that and whatever the electrifying feeling was when she was staring down at Catra, smiling underneath her and breathing a bit heavier. Sometimes they ended their fights in Adora’s bed, and they would fall asleep holding hands. Catra just seemed so much more comfortable with closeness compared to before -she would even bite Adora when she wanted attention, which she found wholly obnoxious, but it could also be cute. 

The last few weeks before she left though, there was also something UNcomfortable when they were close that Adora couldn’t quite place her finger on. It would be like this: they would be playing and wrestling and it was fun and exciting, and then it ended and they would still, and it felt like they were both just waiting for something. Like, ‘what now?’


	13. Wild Card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some insight into their time living apart for the next year and a half. Spoiler: Catra does something unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S GETTING SO GOOD GUYS. I'M DYING WRITING THIS. THE DRAMA.

Sure enough, Catra did have to go back home. Her mother barely acknowledged her and seemed very...empty. Meanwhile, Adora’s mom got her a phone for Christmas and paid for her to have minutes each month. Catra hid it from her mom and Gary -well. She knew they would take it and use it for themselves. Neither one of them seemed to ever have a working... anything. Catra sure as hell wasn’t about to help them out. By the time the washer and dryer quit, she was already used to taking her clothes to the laundromat, so their ineptitude as functioning adults didn’t impact her in the slightest, other than living in a house she found absolutely disgusting. There were old boxes of takeout food everywhere, empty beer cans and bottles of cheap vodka, dirty clothes.

The alcohol bottles were her mother’s and the beer cans were Gary’s. Both of them would get louder as they became more intoxicated. Her mother would get more...happy wasn’t quite the right word for it, but perhaps less depressed. Gary would get belligerent. Catra knew better than to be around when he was that way, but he really never hit her hard enough to leave a bruise, which was lucky. She didn’t want anyone to know. Of course, Adora would find out eventually -she knew that -but the longer she could put it off, the better. Catra basically just used her house as a place to lay her head at night, and sometimes not even that. 

She texted Adora often, but she did end up being really busy for the next few months, so they couldn’t see each other for very long when they did meet up in person. Catra did go to the eighth grade dance with Adora, and it was totally lame. Nobody actually knew how to dance, which wasn’t surprising. Catra hadn’t expected much, except there were two guys who could move, but they were total show-offs, and they weren’t even that good. Adora really couldn’t dance for shit. She had no rhythm and no confidence, but she looked nice. She wore a tight-fitting light blue dress that made her eyes pop...and her ass... and one of her friends curled her hair -which, Catra thought was a bit much to be honest. She was happy when the ringlets later fell and softened into golden waves. 

A couple guys tried very awkwardly to dance with Adora, which she even more awkwardly declined. Catra had to laugh -Adora was so innocent. Even though Catra was younger, she knew that guys just wanted to grind on literally anything. Did Adora really not understand that she had an attractive body? Why was she so dumbfounded by the number of boys who tried to ‘dance’ with her? And why was she not interested in them? They talked about it later and she said she just thought it was weird and she didn’t have time for a boyfriend anyways. Catra certainly believed that. They both agreed that it was an awkward event and they snuck away. Somehow Catra found the way up to the roof of the building and she convinced Adora to go along with it -that would become a habit. It was nice to just have time with her alone again, time where her attention wasn’t on anything else. Nothing else really mattered when they could just be together -not the bullshit at school, not her mom, not the fact that Catra would never be anything but a kid from the wrong side of the town, none of it. 

When she couldn’t spend time with Adora, Catra was either rushing through useless homework so she could dance and listen to music, or she was with Reggie, Xavier, and Entrapta. They had really grown on her, and the quartet had become incredibly efficient at stealing and selling merchandise. Not only that, but apparently, Xavier’s older brother’s were kind of involved with one of the gangs on the east side of the city, and they didn’t blink an eye when he asked them for alcohol or stuff to smoke. It started with cigarettes, which Catra didn’t really like -they reminded her of her mother. She just had one every once in a while if she was drinking with them, which happened at least once a week now. Eventually they would move on to smoking pot and taking dabs. 

That summer was fun in a very different way. Catra was back to feeling independent again -it was like living a completely different life from being with the Ethers. She was without restrictions and on her own but she felt so...good about it. SHE called the shots. She’d tried to explain it to Adora at a sleepover one night but she just didn’t get it, and there’s no way she could, considering Catra wasn’t telling her half of what she was actually spending her days doing -like that she tried weed for the first time. Their lives were just so...different. It was like Catra was living a double life. Sometimes it felt strange -wrong almost. Whenever Adora was around, she just didn’t fit with this life -they didn’t fit together unless they were alone. Then they were in their own world. 

Even if Adora didn’t know Catra’s day-to-day life, Catra was sure she still somehow knew her better than anyone ever would. They could talk about literally anything -and they did, for hours and hours. Sometimes, when Adora first got her permit that first summer apart again, even though she wasn’t supposed to drive anyone else, she would come over and pick Catra up and they would just drive around talking until they found somewhere to stop for a while. They wouldn’t go home until two or three in the morning. Sometimes Catra just went back home with Adora to stay the night. Adora was her best friend, the biggest, goofiest dork in the world -HER dork -and nothing could change that. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….........................................................................

The rest of that year went by incredibly fast. Adora had trouble keeping track of what day it was sometimes. Two-a-day’s would do that to a person. Soccer was difficult and there was somewhat of a steep learning curve with this new team -who worked well with who, how they communicated best, their strengths, their weaknesses, where she fit into all of that -but she did considerably well. Everyone seemed to like and respect her -even Octavia, eventually. She made it work by just doing more intense track workouts for less volume so as not to get any overuse injuries in season. But she hardly had any down time. On days that she didn’t have driver’s Ed, she filled the pre-practice gap with homework so that she had at least a tiny bit of time after everything was said and done for the night before going to bed, which she always used up on Catra. If she wasn’t texting her until early hours of the morning, they were together. 

One night Catra texted her a bunch of really incoherent messages, talking about how everything was so amazing and out of this world and the colors were in more than one dimension. Adora thought it was strange and said that it almost sounded like she was on drugs. Catra simply replied ‘I am’, and didn’t respond for the rest of the night. Adora didn’t really sleep that evening, and as soon as she was able, she drove to Catra’s house to chew her out. Eventually she apologized, but not very sincerely, and she wouldn’t tell Adora where she even got the weed from. Although, Adora was happy weed was all it was. She knew some of the seniors at Bright Moon did cocaine at parties sometimes. She really didn’t want Catra to get into anything like that. Plus, she knew the rumors about kids at Horde High were way worse -that’s where Catra was going to school next year. Adora was incredibly thankful Catra had absolutely sub-zero interest in ‘the preppy kids’, as she called them. They were supposed to be the worst of the worst at Horde High. 

Catra seemed to be doing fine in classes though, which was always amazing to Adora. It was like she didn’t even try and she did fine, despite having a so-called learning disability. Adora had to work her butt off to memorize things and names and dates and anatomy stuff. Catra could just use her colors to remember things. It was kind of cool, like an academic super power almost. Catra would often jokingly brag about it but she was actually really modest about her intelligence. In fact, Catra was surprisingly modest about a lot of things. Or maybe insecure was more the word. To tell the truth, Adora never really knew with her. Catra always carried herself with such confidence, such a cool demeanor, but if you really engaged with her, under the surface she was very down to earth. 

The only thing she wasn’t modest about was dance. Good lord. It took Adora an embarrassingly long time to recognize what had changed about Catra that year -she’d become a shameless tease. But once she saw it, she couldn’t UN-see, and she sure as hell couldn’t keep her eyes to herself. Catra made damn sure of that. Her eyes held a kind of raw energy that captivated a room and she seemed to know it when she danced. Now, she seemed to move with the sole purpose of hunting for attention -as if she had to work hard to get it in the first place. It was an unsettling feeling really, to be on the receiving end of Catra’s performances, even casual ones. It made Adora feel...kind of...dirty. Guilty? Catra was her best friend. She was supposed to be like a younger sister -and she was a girl! But sometimes Adora swore that Catra made her feel the way other girls describe their male crushes, which...just couldn’t be right.

It was maddening to watch her do ‘couples performances’. They were incredibly suggestive and they both always looked so into it, and they were both just stupid good, and Adora knew that was all part of the performance, but it still made her stomach turn in a sickening way. Or sometimes, Catra would lock eyes with Adora and her internal organs seemed to twist themselves very differently. She often found herself wishing she were more coordinated in that way, at least, enough to dance with Catra like that. Whoa. That was a new thought. 

In fact, there were a lot of new thoughts and feelings the entire next year. Adora was never sure what exactly to do with herself around Catra. Sure, sometimes it was fine and just like it always was growing up. They still had back and forth banter because Catra was sassy, and play fights, and they still kind of wrestled, but it was different. That feeling of ‘what now?’ just seemed a million times stronger -neither one of them really put much effort into the struggle. Scratch that -there was no struggle anymore. It was like they both just wanted to be close but neither one of them could own up to it. Half the time, Adora felt like she just couldn’t get words out, or the right words anyways, and then Catra would make fun of her and that just made it worse, which she seemed to take utter delight in. She could still be mean, but it was totally different. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….......................................................................................

Eventually the guilt got to her. She couldn’t lie to Adora anymore about where she was getting the money, and she knew it would break Adora’s heart if she ever found out she was kind of a little thug. They quit stealing and made it into a legitimate small-time business with the money they had saved up. They went thrifting for used but clean brand-name items and resold them for stupid cash. People with money were legit dumb. She stumbled upon a really old Prada belt at St. Vincent’s that cost her like five bucks, and some lady bought it off their site for sixty-five dollars. Some things didn’t turn out that much profit, but some did. It was more work than stealing, and brought less money in, but she didn’t have to lie to Adora about it and that’s all that mattered. 

Catra had always cared what Adora thought of her, but for some reason, now she REALLY cared. What would Adora think of her hair this way? What about this top? Does she like the look of high-tops? Catra always dressed to impress, but she only felt weird about it sometimes, like if Entrapta asked why she was putting on so much makeup today. She would think for a second...then realize it was because she was hoping to hang out with Adora later. She told herself that she just wanted to look fierce because she needed to be able to hold up her own and compete with Adora’s natural beauty. 

She was so dumb. If it wasn’t so painful sometimes, it would be more funny how oblivious Adora was. She would be walking around in tight-ass spandex and a sports bra, all sweaty and abs out after practice, confused as to why there were football players clocking her from across the field.

“Earth to captain obvious? He totally wants to wants to stick his dick between your thighs.” 

Adora blinked her big blue eyes at Catra. “Don’t say that so loud!” She half-whispered, turning around. “That’s weird.” 

Catra gave her a once up-and-down. Adora was a power athlete, she was strong -way stronger than Catra. That’s why she always came out on top and won whenever they had a wrestling match. Well...that and Catra really enjoyed Adora’s weight on top of her. These days they were far and few between -unfortunately. It was almost like Adora was scared to get close to her without a LOT of goading. So what did Catra do? She goaded the fuck out of Adora. 

“Nuh-uh. I’d totally fuck your thighs.” And there it was -it was really that easy. Adora would light up like a match, her face turning bright pink. Her only response was to spray water at Catra. Perfection. 

Catra loved watching her play. Last year, her select coach switched her from a striker to center defense, and both teams she played on had been scored on maybe once or twice throughout the entire season. Adora was like a wall. It seemed like she controlled the whole field from all the way back there -she was so fast. She was always in the first or second heat in the one, two and four-hundred open races, and no matter what, she was always the best sport on the track or the field. She was unequivocally good. That’s just how Adora was. 

Catra, on the other hand, was not. That's probably part of why Catra only had three friends while Adora seemed to have a bajillion. Plus, Catra wasn't involved at school at all and Adora was. The amount of differences sometimes was enough to make her question reality in an existential kind of way. She was pondering exactly that one day while she was going to meet Xavier and Reggie and Entrapta in the bleachers after school. She was going to be really sad when they all graduated and left her behind. They were juniors this year and she was just a freshman, but they were really her only friends. Then again, it’s not like any of them were really planning on going anywhere after they graduated...IF they graduated. She was pretty sure Xavier had flunked his math class twice now. 

When she came around the corner, it didn’t take long to know there was going to be trouble. She saw the head bitch of the cheerleading squad running her mouth off at them for who knows what.  
Reggie was just calmly eyeing her. “That’s funny, I don’t see your name on it.” 

“Your weirdness is hurting my eyes, and I can’t not see while I’m flying.” She waved her hand. “Shoo!” 

Catra walked down the steps. “Oh, fuck off, Heather.” 

The dark-haired cheerleader squinted up at her. “I’m sorry? My name is Lauren.” As if Catra was supposed to know that already. 

“Right, sorry Brittany.” 

“Lauren.” 

Catra rolled her eyes. “Like saying it again makes me care any more?” The girl looked taken aback. “Love to break it to you, but nobody gives a shit, Tiffany.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“FINALLY. You’re excused.” 

The other girl laughed, fake-ly, clearly getting flustered. “Listen, bitch. I don’t know who you THINK you are-” 

“I THINK I’m the bitch that’s about to sit…” she dropped her backpack, “...right here. Thanks.” 

The other girl wagged her finger. “No, you and your freaky little misfits are going to leave. I won’t have you stirring shit up at MY practice.” 

Catra made a comically sad face. “Aw. My feelings are hurt.” The cheerleader squinted at her again. “But man,” she clucked her tongue, “it sure is hard to believe you need this entire field for you and your little dance group. Unless...you really suck ass that much.” The girls behind her gasped. “You should really clean up your routine, Amber. Nobody likes it sloppy.” 

“You CLEARLY don’t understand how much talent it takes to be on this squad. We took second place at the championships last year.” 

Catra laughed, feeling emboldened. Her friends were just watching, occasionally looking at each other. “Bitch, please. I could do what you do with my eyes closed.” 

Now the other girl laughed, turning back to her little squad mates or whatever they’re called. “That’s hilarious. I would love to see you try.” 

So Catra did their basic cheer. She had it memorized from the first and only time she’d ever attended a pep rally. She did it sickly sweet, voice dripping valley-girl wannabe sarcasm. “Give me a C. Give me a A. How ‘bout a P. And now a T. A-I-N-S. GOOOOOOOO CAPTAINSSSSSSSS!” Then the facade falls and she dead-pan’s it. “Yeah, I reeeally need talent for that bullshit.” 

“That was literally the easiest cheer. You wouldn’t last five seconds into one of the longer routines.” 

But Catra did. She watched Lauren do it once and then proceeded to make it through the whole thing without faltering. She yawned afterwards. So she tried another one, and another. All perfect. The other squad members were whisper-yelling behind hands to each other. Catra felt powerful putting this pompous-ass bitch in her place. Soon she was pulling out floor-stunts. Simple pikes, handsprings, a roundoff. Catra did them with ease, cocking an eyebrow at her afterwards. The older girl was speechless. 

“So are you going to keep pretending like you really need the whole field, or…?” 

She just scoffed and stomped away. Xavier and Entrapta and Reggie were all just staring, open-mouthed when she returned. “Dude...what the actual fuck was that?” 

“Where did that come from?” 

“I didn’t know you could do that.” 

“Yeah, that was kind of sick.” 

They took a corner of the field and were perfect content to be left alone. At least, until miss bitchy-booty came back with Heather’s 2 and 3. “Uhg.” Catra groaned. “Do we really need to go through this again?” 

This time, the two girls from behind spoke. “We’d really like for you to join the squad.” 

“Yeah.” 

Catra threw her head back and laughed. “I think we’ve had a misunderstanding. In what fucking world would I want to join your cheer squad?” 

The cult leader was chewing her lip. “You’re a freshman and you’re already as good as some of our senior flyers. We’re losing, like, half the squad this year so we need fresh meat. Plus, you are fairly…attractive...even if it is in a moody, grungy sort of way.” Catra laughed again, a bit harder. It seemed to actually pain this poor girl to say that. She looked down at her ripped skinny jeans -she was hella bumming it today too!

“Right, that’s all why YOU need ME. What I’m not hearing is why you think I need YOU?” 

The girl uncrossed her arms in frustration. “Hello? Social status?” 

“Does it look like I care?” 

“Ugh. You’re a FRESHMAN. We can...get you things.” 

“I may be a freshman, but I’m no virgin Mary. I can get my own THINGS.” 

That seemed to make Lauren smile. “Alright, fine. Look, this team needs a wild card like you, both socially, and for the routines. Take it or leave it, but the option is there for you to use to your advantage -whatever that means to you.” 

Catra thought about it. Use to her advantage...The whole interaction did make her feel like a boss-ass bitch. Her friends all looked back at her and shrugged. Catra called after the girls as they were walking away. “Hey Heathers! I’m in.” 

Wait till I tell Adora.


	14. Some Like it Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora being a dumb gay disaster for Catra (in the shower).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: spicy (not yet smutty).

Adora runs down the stairs, nearly tripping over the hallway rug. She flings the door open and there she is. Catra had straightened her hair today -something she’d apparently been doing more recently, and Adora wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. Not that she looked bad. On the contrary, Catra was smoking hot with her hair long and straight, but it just felt so...Catra when it was naturally wavy. She was wearing ripped jeans and a leather jacket over a white t-shirt, tied in a knot at the hip. They’d just seen each other not but a few days ago, but somehow this was newly exciting. She held up a peace sign and stuck out her tongue -Adora loved when she scrunched her nose like that. “What up, loser!” 

Catra’s mom had gotten her third DUI, and because she nearly hit a cyclist on the side of the road, she was sentenced to a full year in jail. Rather than stay with her stepfather, Gary -a real champ of a guy -Catra told the judge she would like to stay with the Ethers. Adora hugged her, appreciating that they would get to have sleepovers every night now. 

“Dude, I just saw you like three days ago, chill.” 

“I know, but you’re actually staying with us again. I’m excited.” The smile Catra gave back to her was genuine, her eyes did that thing where you could tell she was really happy, even if she didn’t say anything. 

They took her bags upstairs. “I am sorry about your mom though…” 

Catra shrugged, tossing her duffel onto the bed. “Eh, fuck her.” 

“I’d really rather not.” 

Catra gasped, sitting down. “Oh no…” 

“What?” 

“I think we’ve been spending too much time together. You’re actually starting to understand sarcasm.” She laughed. 

Adora sat down next to her. “No, I’m just learning to speak your language.” 

A single strand of hair fell to the side of Catra’s face and Adora stopped herself from reaching for it. ”What language is that?” Catra was starting to lean in just a bit closer.

“Literally cat language.” As she said it, Catra moved quickly and gently bit Adora’s shoulder. “See?” 

Catra raised an eyebrow and tossed her hair back over her shoulder. “Fine. What did that mean?” 

Adora laughed. “You’re hungry.” 

Catra’s eyes got big and she scoffed. “No fuckin’ way! How did you do that?” 

Adora shrugged. “I told you, I speak your language now.” 

“Yikes. I guess we really are spending too much time together.” 

“Well, buckle up. You’re about to see a whole lot more of me while you’re living here.” 

But they both loved it. Well...most of the time. Sometimes Catra could be maddening. She left her underwear everywhere and her makeup absolutely dominated counter space in the bathroom and the bedroom vanity. You could say that she wasn’t the most considerate roommate. For instance, she loved listening to music late at night, loudly, right when Adora needed to study or do homework. Their schedules were always really different, and Adora was sure that wouldn’t have changed. Sometimes it just led them to butt heads -and not in the playful way they most often did.

Sure enough, about a week in, Catra had taken a couple really long morning showers before going to school, which maybe wouldn’t have been an issue if Adora didn’t have morning track practices. Since her school was close by, she liked to come home to shower, grab breakfast and her food for the day, and then head out. When she got home though, Catra would already be in the shower with the door locked. She brought it up after a few mornings like that. 

“I don’t see why you can’t just wait to shower in the evening after you’ve had soccer practice.” 

“Well why can’t you shower after dance?” 

“Because I actually put time and effort into my appearance before school. Not all of us are flawless like you.” Yes you are...Adora didn’t like that Catra felt like she needed to wear makeup, but she did look really good...every day…

“Well can you take shorter showers? Or literally just wait until I’m done? I take like five, maybe ten minutes tops.” 

“Some of us animals have to shave, Adora. I want my skin to feel like a wet seal -EVERYWHERE.” 

Adora felt herself blush and Catra smirked, which made her cheeks even hotter. Catra shaved everywhere too? Adora hated her body hair -it was itchy and kind of dark. Well, if you compared it to the hair on her head, it was REALLY dark. She shaved as often as she comfortably could. She hated that she had bright blonde hair but darker body hair. People always asked if her eyebrows were fake because of how dark they were. Come to think of it, she didn’t know about Catra’s. Her leg hair wasn’t prickly when it grew out. What about the hair down-WHOA. Nope. No. 

“Well, then I guess it’ll just be first-come, first-serve. Whoever gets there first, showers first.” 

Catra laughed haughtily. “Fine. Just know that I have no shame. I don’t care if you’re there or not.” 

So the next day, Adora got up even earlier for practice. Lo and behold, she had finally beaten Catra to the shower. She heard the languid threat in her head again ‘I don’t care if you’re there or not.’ She locked the door behind her, just to keep Catra from getting any ideas. They had done a 400 time trial today, which sucked, but it was over quickly. Her butt cheeks stopped working right around the 350 mark where she always hit that wall. She will definitely be sore tomorrow. 

Adora started with a cold shower -shocking her body further awake and sapping the heat from her muscles before slowly turning the water warmer and putting shampoo down from the top ledge. Catra always seemed to leave her various bottles on the floor and Adora stepped on them. Catra had brought so. Many. Hair products with her -four of which she apparently needed in the shower with her. Then of course she had shaving cream and a face wash and some other body wash. Adora started putting them up top to keep the shower at least a little more organized. What did Catra really need four different products for anyways? She did complain a lot about her hair being unmanageable...

Did she really need to shave every time she took a shower. That seemed excessive. Wait...Why did she need to shave ‘everything’? Did she get itchy too? She’d never said that before. Or was she doing it for somebody else? Was Catra being...intimate with somebody? She would tell me, right? Of course she would. Catra would tell me something like that...

Adora had just finished rinsing her hair when she heard Catra’s voice. “Hey Adora.” 

Adora jumped and her eyes snapped open to find Catra standing in the door, wrapped in her fluffy black towel. “HOLY- Catra! Don’t do that!” 

“Fancy seeing you here, Princess.” 

Wait…”How did you get in here? I locked the door.” 

She held up a bobby pin, a wicked glint in her eyes. “Such a diverse tool. Anyways…” She dropped her towel and Adora averted her eyes as fast as she could, simultaneously making an effort to cover her own body, turning away from Catra as she stepped into the enclosed space. 

“Uh…” 

“I’m sorry, is this making you uncomfortable?” 

Guh. Catra...why was she so obnoxious. “No. I’m -this...this is fine.” 

“Then why are you being so weird?” 

“Tsh, I’m not...being weird.” This was not the biggest shower, and she knew Catra was right behind her, very, very naked. 

“Yes you are. Don’t you shower in front of your teammates at school? Or classmates during PE?” 

Catra had a point. She did do that. “Well, yeah.” 

“Then why are you face-planting into the corner? You’re hardly even under the water.” 

Shit. Why was she? “Because...because…” Because this was a small shower and Catra was naked behind her and she didn’t want Catra to see HER naked and, and, and...

“Well if you don’t mind, I’d like to shower.” UGH. She was SUCH a brat sometimes. 

No. She wasn’t going to get away with this. Adora was literally in the shower first, and she wasn’t about to let Catra intimidate her out of it. She clenched her jaw. “Fine. We can take turns.” Adora forced herself to breathe out slowly and turn back towards Catra, still not looking at her, one hand covering her breasts and the other clenched at her side. It’s just like showering at school. It’s just like showering at school. 

“Okay, fine. Then...can we switch? I’m freezing here.” 

“Sure.” 

She tried to shuffle awkwardly around Catra, who was purposefully not giving her the space to do so. She had that look, like she was on the hunt, like she was going to pick on Adora. Catra’s breasts brush lightly against her arm, and without thinking, Adora’s eyes dart down to the points of contact. She was quick to recover, but not quick enough. Catra was watching her, that little smirk pulling at the corners of her lips. Goddammit. She had all the power here and she knew it. All this to get her out of the shower?

Adora made it safely to her side of the shower. “It’s okay, you can look. Not all of us are as shy as -FUCK!” Catra jumped away from the water -and thankfully away from Adora too -and reached back for the handle. “Why are you taking such a cold-ass shower, you psycho? Jesus.” 

“I’m not shy.” Adora quickly shook her head. “I mean, I’m not looking!” 

“Yes you were.” Adora looked away again. “No need to be embarrassed.” Steam started to rise from the bottom where the now-hot water was falling. 

“I’m not embarrassed.” 

“Then why are you blushing?” 

“I’m not, it’s just…” Catra stepped back under the water and the blonde’s mouth fell open. “...hot.” 

Hot was right. Somehow it was now a million degrees. Adora felt like she couldn’t breathe, and deep down she knew it wasn’t the steam. “Whatever you say, princess.” 

It was like watching a scene from a movie with a hot girl, only it was very real and happening right in front of her, and the hot girl was Catra. Her head was tilted back, fingers moving through her hair, eyes closed. Water poured over her skin in rivets, covering it and making it shine under overhead lights. Adora watched drips and rivets move down her face, over her perfect lips, down her neck, off the tips of her breasts and further down to...The only tan-lines she had were from her little bikini -her skin was a beautiful, smooth olive tone. Catra was easily the most gorgeous thing Adora had ever seen. Standing here, Adora felt like a troll next to her. 

And then Catra opened her eyes. Holy shit. Oh my god. They were...they were positively glowing and just bright, and her eyelashes were thick and long...Adora didn’t think she could move. Was she even breathing? How did she look this good wet? She should always be like this. There were literally no intelligible or coherent thoughts in her head except one: Catra was... a “...goddess.” The word left her lips on an exhale. 

Catra wiped a hand over her hair, scrunching her eyebrows together. “What?” 

SHIT! I said that out loud?! Recover. Recover. “I said you’re wet.” Catra threw her head back and laughed a throaty, raspy, sexy laugh. Sexy? Yes. It was sexy. Oh no. Adora thought it was sexy. Adora thought Catra was sexy. Fuck. What the hell was she supposed to do about that? But also, way to play it cool, Adora. 

“It’s a shower, dumbass. What did you expect?” 

Adora’s mouth opened but words didn’t come out. She tried again, still nothing. Catra was watching her, smiling. “Breathe, Adora.” Sure enough, she let out a big breath that she had apparently been holding in. “You’re such a dork.” This literally could not get more embarrassing. Catra would never let her live this down. Her smile was knowing and cruel. “Could you hand me those two bottles?” 

Adora followed Catra’s finger to the ledge where her shampoo and conditioner were, close to her. Adora wouldn’t be able to grab them with one hand so...time to nut up. She already saw Catra’s boobs, right? Fair is fair...Adora swallowed hard and reached both hands up for the bottles, leaving her torso completely exposed to Catra’s appraising eyes. When she passed the bottles off, Catra’s gaze jumped up from Adora’s chest to her eyes, back down, and back up again. “Thanks.” 

After somehow getting her wits back -sort of -she set to putting conditioner in her hair. “Switch me places?” 

Catra just began moving in response. The water was practically scalding it was so hot. Adora sort of hissed but her body got used to it eventually. No wonder there was so much steam. She turned away to rinse her hair out. Turning back, she gave one final rinse and splashed water on her face. After wiping the water from her eyes, she saw that Catra’s expression had changed to something much more...Soft? She didn’t recognize it...it was something much less confident. There was still the same kind of intensity there that made Adora feel weak, but it was no longer demanding or teasing -it was much more vulnerable, like she was simply asking for something. Asking what though? 

She cleared her throat and the look was gone. In its place now was her usual smugness. “You’d better be watching the time, miss I-take-ten-minute-showers.” 

Shit. SHIT. “I gotta go!”


	15. Some like it Hot (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra's POV.

Catra wasn’t stupid. She knew she had some sex appeal -she used it to her advantage often. However, she was having a hard time grappling with the idea that her superpowers were working on her best friend. Her beautiful, altruistic, smart, best friend. Was she really just so naive that every little thing flustered her? Or was she...interested? I mean...when has she literally EVER talked about a boy? Never. But she’d never really talked about other girls either. Whatever the reason, teasing Adora was delicious. Catra could spend all day, everyday doing things to make her blush and never get bored. 

When Adora made a stink about the shower, she saw a perfect opportunity to a) be stubborn and get what she wants, b) make Adora blush, and c) test the waters a little bit. So she set an alarm on her phone for forty minutes after Adora got up. Sure enough, when it goes off, she hears Adora come back in through the front door, come up the stairs, and go into the bathroom. Catra strips down and grabs her towel. Dammit, she locked the door. Little shit. She goes back to her room and looks for something...ah! Bobby pin. She jimmies it in the keyhole and pulls the handle, glad that Adora won’t be able to hear the small scratching sounds over the sounds of water. 

When she walked into the bathroom, she distinctly noticed there was hardly any steam. So when Catra looked at the glass shower door, she had a perfectly clear view of Adora’s naked body. She was washing her hair, muscles flexing everywhere. God, she had a nice body. She was always a bit squeamish whenever she changed so Catra had never really seen her tits before -she just knew Adora’s were big. Well...not like, BIG, big, but bigger than hers. 

Adora had pretty strong tan lines from both her one piece that she wore at work as a lifeguard during the summers, and her sports bra and shorts that she liked to wear casually. It looked a little funny, but Catra couldn’t bring herself to laugh -she was still just appreciating. Tan or not, Adora’s skin just looked...creamy, like it would feel good in your hands. Like it would feel good in her hands. 

Catra shook her head and braced herself to talk. She had to announce her presence somehow. “Hey Adora.” 

Adora jumped and her eyes snapped open. “HOLY- Catra! Don’t do that!” Wow. Whenever Adora went swimming and got wet, it did something to her eyes. They were just so blue. Apparently showers kind of had the same effect. She was stunning. 

“Fancy seeing you here, Princess.” 

”How did you get in here? I locked the door.” 

She held up a bobby pin, smiling triumphantly. “Such a diverse tool. Anyways…” Time to rip off the band-aid. She dropped her towel and fought the urge to cover herself from view and she stepped into the shower. Adora quickly looked away and covered her own body, turning towards the wall. 

“Uh…” Her cheeks were so pink -such a pretty color. 

Catra felt immense satisfaction. “I’m sorry, is this making you uncomfortable?” 

“No. I’m -this...this is fine.” 

“Then why are you being so weird?” 

“Tsh, I’m not...being weird.” 

Catra giggled. “Yes you are. Don’t you shower in front of your teammates at school? Or classmates during PE?” 

“Well, yeah.” 

“Then why are you face-planting into the corner? You’re hardly even under the water.” 

“Because...because…” 

“Well if you don’t mind, I’d like to shower.” She could see how frustrated Adora was getting. God, she’s so fucking cute. 

“Fine. We can take turns.” Adora slowly turned back towards Catra, still not looking at her, one hand covering her breasts and the other clenched at her side. Poor baby. 

“Okay, fine. Then...can we switch? I’m freezing here.” It was true though, her nipples were hella hard. 

“Sure.” 

Catra smiled to herself as Adora tried to stick as close to the wall as possible. Catra just stuck to the center, momentarily getting up on her tip-toes as they passed so that her breasts brush lightly against Adora’s arm. Adora’s eyes dart down and then back up. Then she seems to blush again, looking helpless. It makes Catra kind of feel tingly to think Adora is drawn to her. She looks horribly embarrassed. 

It emboldens her. “It’s okay, you can look.” Catra moves to get under the water. “Not all of us are as shy as -FUCK!” The water feels fucking frigid! “Why are you taking such a cold-ass shower, you psycho? Jesus.” Now her nipples were like diamonds. Goddamn that was cold. 

“I’m not shy.” Adora quickly shook her head. “I mean, I’m not looking!” Catra smiles again.

“Yes you were.” Adora looked away again. “No need to be embarrassed.” Steam started to rise from the bottom where the now-hot water was falling. 

“I’m not embarrassed.” Bullshit. 

“Then why are you blushing?” 

“I’m not, it’s just…” Catra stepped back under the water and closed her eyes. “...hot.” It felt so good. 

“Whatever you say, princess.” 

It was a little nerve wracking to know Adora was probably watching her, but Catra wouldn’t let herself be intimidated. She tried to stand nice and tall to sort of elongate her torso. She wished she had ‘groomed’ herself a bit more recently. It’s not that she had a bush, her pubic hair was neatly trimmed, but still. She made a mental note to take care of that today. Adora said something but Catra didn’t really hear. 

“What?” 

Adora looked like a deer in headlights. She was precious. “I said you’re wet.” 

Catra threw her head back and laughed “It’s a shower, dumbass. What did you expect?” 

Adora’s mouth opened but words didn’t come out. Catra waited. Is she like this because she’s nervous? Do I make her nervous? Adora looked like she was holding her breath. “Breathe, Adora.” Sure enough, she let out a big breath. “You’re such a dork.” My dork. 

Catra wanted it to be true. She wanted to be the reason Adora was speechless. She wanted to tease her endlessly. She got a wicked idea: she would find a way to move in close, get in her bubble... “Could you hand me those two bottles?” 

Adora followed Catra’s finger to the ledge where her shampoo and conditioner were, close to her. She looked like she was contemplating something before she reached both hands up for the bottles, leaving her torso completely exposed to Catra’s appraising eyes. Adora’s nipples were perfectly sized and the prettiest soft shade of pink -just like her lips. Dammit. Catra had forgotten to make her move. Adora handed the bottles to Catra’s, and her gaze jumped up from Adora’s chest to her eyes, back down, and back up again. “Thanks...” 

“Switch me places?” 

She watched Adora get back under the water facing the wall. Adora was really lean -you chould see muscles play just under the skin as she rinsed her hair - but somehow she was kinda thick too...She had nice hips and her ass was round...she turned back around and Catra bit her lip. Damn. She’d made a big deal about shaving to put an image in Adora’s head, but Adora actually DID shave everything...her skin looked so soft. Her eyes travelled up her friend’s stomach to her naval -her favorite freckle right next to her bellybutton. Would she ever let me touch it? Wait. Do I want to touch her? She thought about it, eyes taking her in again. Yes. Does she feel the same?

Adora opened her eyes and for a split second, Catra wondered if she’d said it out loud. She cleared her throat. “You’d better be watching the time, miss I-take-ten-minute-showers.” 

Her eyes went wide and she panicked in the cute way she does. “I gotta go!” And with that she was gone, leaving Catra with her thoughts.

And she would continue to think about the whole ordeal, almost compulsively, all day -in class, at cheerleading practice, at dance, and now that she was back home again. She just couldn’t stop. She couldn’t be the only one who felt that tension, right? Adora definitely felt that too. Why else would she be so skittish? So...does that mean...she likes me? Or is it more of a curiosity thing? Catra sighed. She would have to talk to her about it to find out. Ugh. That meant waiting for her to get home. 

She replayed it in her head at least eight times throughout the day, wondering what would have happened if... If she touched Adora -just reached out and touched her. If Adora touched her. What if they kissed? Ooh. Yes. What if they kissed? She had never kissed somebody in the shower before -not that she’d kissed many people at all, really. She’d never kissed a girl before either. What would that be like? Hot, that’s for sure. 

What would it be like if they kissed not in the shower? Also hot. She imagines what it might be like if that’s how a tussle ends -Adora on top of her, kissing her. She feels a familiar tingle between her legs. What if she was on top? What would she do? Dance, move. Come to think of it...why has she never given Adora a little private show? Why hasn’t she given her a lapdance? Adora would lose her shit. Catra imagines it, listening closer to the music coming from her earbuds. 

‘I'll love you like I've never, ever loved somebody

I'll give you things you didn't even know you wanted

Don't tell me that it's not enough

My time is up, you're over us’

Catra’s hips start moving in small circles against the bed. She feels like she just has to move...maybe it’ll help calm the sort of aching sensation she feels. 

'Cause I think I might do anything for you

If you just let me

If you just let me

If you just let me

Just let me’

Through the music, she hears the door open and she stops herself. Adora’s there, setting down her duffle bag. She didn’t seem to have noticed Catra basically humping the bed, thank God. 

Catra takes out an ear bud. “Hey loser.”

Adora doesn’t seem to respond in the uppity way she normally would. Catra takes out the other ear out. Adora looks contemplative as she sits down on the chair at her desk. “I’m sorry about being so weird this morning.” I guess we're already talking about this then. 

Catra was taken aback for a second. So Adora had been thinking about it too? Wait, why was she sorry? Catra had literally crashed HER shower. “Dude, it’s fine.”

“No, I know I was weird about it. I didn’t mean to make it seem like that.” Catra’s heart sank a little bit. Make it seem like what? Like you were into it? Into me? Maybe she had misread Adora. Maybe she really wasn’t into it and she was just straight up uncomfortable. “It just...I know I’ve technically taken showers with other people before, but it just felt different.” Ope. Different how? Different because you find me attractive? Not knowing the answer to that question right now made Catra feel uneasy for some reason -off balance. She didn’t like it. She wanted to feel like she was in control again. 

Adora looked up at her. She seemed confused. “I think it was just that...that felt really intimate, you know?” 

Catra scoffed. “You thought that was intimate?” 

Adora furrowed her eyebrows. “Yeah?”

“What is it gonna be like when you have sex?” Adora blinked at her for a second. 

Then her cheeks turn pink. “Well...I have to kiss somebody before I have sex.” 

“What?!” Catra leaned forward. “You’ve never kissed anybody?” Adora shakes her head. How could that be? “You’re sixteen years old!” And hot. You’re so fucking hot. And everybody likes you, and there’s always some guy trying to ask you out. 

“So? You really think I wouldn’t tell you if I kissed somebody?” 

Catra threw her hands up. “I dunno! Haven’t you ever seen that movie? It’s, like, a rule now. You have to have your first kiss before you turn 17.” 

Adora made a face, grabbing the pencil off her desk and rolling it between her fingers. “That’s not a rule.” 

“I’m telling you, it is.” 

“Well, there’s...there’s nobody I want to kiss so…” 

“Nobody?” Not even me? Would you kiss me?

“Nope. I told you, all the guys I know are idiots.” 

Catra nodded, slowly. That was certainly true. They made fools of themselves far too easily. What to say though? What to say...“Who said you’re limited to just boys?” 

Adora dropped her pencil and looked back at Catra. She seemed defensive. “Why would I want to kiss girls? That’s -” 

Catra held up her hands. “Hey, I’m not accusing you of anything.” Even though you really don’t seem interested in boys…”But even if I was, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to kiss other girls.” Adora seemed to think about that for a second. Just for fun, Catra added, “Girls are hot.” with a shrug. Adora looked like she was about to ask her if she’d ever kissed a girl. Catra wasn’t sure if she could make up a good lie, or if she could stop herself from saying, ‘no, but I’d like to,’ so she just kept talking. “All I’m saying is, you don’t want your first boyfriend -or, whatever- to suffer through your shitty kissing because you’ve never done it before. You really can’t expect to be good at it your first time.”

In Catra’s very limited experience, that was true. Neither one of the guys she’d kissed had kissed anybody and they were just not very good. To be fair, she didn’t know if SHE was any good, but she wasn’t the one slobbering all over. 

“So...you’re saying I should, what, practice?” Would Adora get the hints? 

Catra shrugged again. “How else do you get good at something?” Would she put the pieces together?


	16. Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ope. Even spicier. Catra pushes the envelope a little bit. 
> 
> OR
> 
> This is just very gay.

A couple days go by and things between them seem just as tense. Catra has basically been teasing her nonstop -she’s relentless. It shouldn’t have been a surprise when Catra once again picked the bathroom lock and joined Adora in the shower. This time, Adora wouldn’t make a fool of herself. She didn’t constantly try to cover herself, even when she knew Catra was watching her sometimes. But she can’t keep from stiffening up when Catra presses against her from behind. “W-what’re you doing?” 

“Sorry.” Yeah, right. Adora can practically hear the smirk in her voice. “Trying to reach the shampoo you keep putting all the way up here. I’m short.” She huffs a little bit -she probably really was on her tip-toes. Her breasts slide against Adora’s back as she stands again, bottle now in hand. They switch and she has to reach up again to put the bottle in its place. It feels good when their bodies touch -warm and kind of slippery. Adora prays Catra can’t feel her heart beating. 

They switch places and Adora watches Catra rinse her hair under the warm water. She’s lean and fit and her waist seems so small. Adora knows Catra’s waist fits well in her arms. On rare occasion, when they both slept in Adora’s bed, they spooned and Adora got to curl herself around Catra. What would it be like to hold her like that right now? It would feel so good…

“You want me to wash your hair?” Huh? Catra’s voice brought her back. Wash my hair?

“Like you wash it for me?” Did people do that? Was that normal? 

“Yeah. I love it.” 

Adora blinked at her. “You love when other people wash your hair?” Like...she did this with other people? Did Catra do this with other people? How many other people had seen her naked like this? 

“I meant at the salon, goob. I love when somebody else washes it.” Oh. Whew. Wait, why was she relieved? “But I did read somewhere that it’s on the list of best pleasures in life.” Pleasures? 

“Well...do you want me to wash yours first then?” 

Catra smiles. “I already washed it, remember?” Oh, right. “But...you can put the conditioner in.” She grabs the bottle and hands it to Adora. She sort of stares at it for a second, then puts some in her hand. How much of this does Catra use? Is this too much? It smells good. She looks back and forth between the opaque blob in her palm and Catra. 

“Uh…” How the hell do I do this? 

Catra giggles and Adora knows that she’ll be of no help -she likes to make Adora suffer. She steps closer and reaches around her, swallowing. They’re very close. She blushes when she accidentally touches Catra’s back searching for her hair. “Sorry.” 

“You’re fine.” 

Adora starts at the ends and then moves up, just applying it before she tries to work the product in. That’s how her haircut lady said to do it. Now THIS felt intimate. Catra closes her eyes and Adora’s mouth goes dry. Did this feel good? She really wanted it to feel good... she works it through her hair, taking some from the ends and putting it closer to her scalp, massaging it into her head. 

“Uhhhhg. You should toootally be a masseuse.” 

The comment made her feel a bit better, more confident in what she was doing. “You think?” 

“Mm-hmm.” She seems to be really relaxed. Adora liked how her hair felt, but she could understand what Catra meant when she said it got tangled easily. She was worried she was going to hurt Catra. Still...some unknown force compels her to give a slight tug on the handful of hair at the back of Catra’s head. Maybe it’s just being this close, or maybe it’s because Catra just looks so peaceful and some hellish demon has awakened in her, desperate to stir shit up. Adora has no idea why, but she does it -just a gentle pull. 

Catra’s eyebrows knit together and a small sound comes from her throat. That heavy feeling immediately builds Adora’s gut, and when Catra’s eyes open -barely -the feeling is crippling and sudden. Catra looks...hungry. Adora’s never seen her make that face up close like this before, only at a safe distance away, dancing her heart out. Even then, she’s never seen Catra’s eyes so dark before... Now, she’s inches away and looks ready to pounce, right here, right now. Adora super can’t take a wrestling match in the shower...

Catra slowly reaches a hand back behind her head and puts it on Adora’s. She realizes with horror that she’s still holding onto Catra’s hair, holding her so close -an inch away -and she lets go, panicking internally. What the fuck did you just do? “I-sorry…” Still, the faint flush of color on Catra’s cheeks gave her butterflies. Catra...Catra liked that?

It’s unsettling that Catra doesn’t respond. She just steps back into the water to rinse her hair, closing her eyes again -thank the lord. Woman, put your weapons away. Adora lets out her breath and continues panicking internally -until Catra’s hands run down her body -slowly. So slowly. Then she’s dumbstruck and her eyes just follow helplessly and her mind sort of goes blank. Goddamm. Over her collarbones, to her perfectly round breasts, down her flat stomach and over her hips. Her pubic hair was shaved into a neat little strip right up the middle, right above her…

“Like it?” That voice was liquid smoke and dripping honey. 

Shit. SHIT. Adora raised her eyes and found that Catra was watching her. For how long? Shit shit shit shit. What do I even say? She knows I was looking. Fuck. I guess this is just my life now. Adora wanted to look away. Hell, she wanted to RUN away -anywhere. But Catra’s eyes were on her again, infuriatingly heavy. They held her prisoner like iron bars -sexy, sexy, iron bars. There was no coming back from this one. God, if you’re listening, just kill me now, please? My pathetic teenage life is over. 

Catra answered her own question. “I think it looks good.” Adora wanted to say that she did too, but obviously she couldn’t say that. She couldn’t say anything...Catra was holding back that wicked little smirk, she could tell. “Want me to do you now?” 

No. Yes. Yes. No. Catra was going to do something -Adora could tell by the look in her eyes that she was going to get payback. For what, exactly, she didn’t know. Embarrassing her, I guess? But that wasn’t fair. If anyone was embarrassed right now it was Adora. 

Catra wasn’t even waiting for a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, she was already pumping some of Adora’s shampoo into her hands and stepping closer. Adora’s brain still wasn’t working. Ahhhhhhh. It’s happening. Catra moves in closer than Adora had. Adora swallows hard again, eyes torn between Catra’s eyes and her pouty lips. She seems less intense though as she starts playing with Adora’s hair, which is almost a relief. 

“See? Doesn’t it feel good?” It felt nice, but Adora was too high strung and on high alert to close her eyes or really relax. 

“Yeah…” 

“Relax, don’t be so stiff.” She really was trying, but she couldn’t. It seemed like this was going on for forever. But finally, once her hair was all lathered up, Catra stepped away. “Okay, you can rinse.” 

Adora hesitated. “...That’s it?” 

She giggled. “What do you mean? What else did you want?” 

“Nothing, I just thought…” Catra let herself smirk and Adora understood. Ohhhh she just wanted me to THINK she was going to do something so I would be paranoid and weird. “I dunno…” 

Catra crossed her arms. ”Some of us have self control.” Adora’s face flushed again. So she knew Adora didn’t have control over it? Did that mean she also thought about doing something and just didn’t? What was she going to do? She shook her head. “Weirdo.” Adora felt a twinge of guilt -yeah it probably was weird. It was weird to do things that were a little sexy to your best friend. She may have liked it but she probably didn’t like that it was Adora who did it. And she definitely didn’t like it the way Adora liked it. 

Adora rinsed her hair, trying not to let herself get too down about it. Right before she was about to turn the water off, she got an itch just under her right shoulder blade. She reached her arm under to try and scratch it, but couldn’t reach. She tried putting the other one over. Catra was just eyeing her. “What are you doing?” 

“I have…” She tried under again. “...I have an itch.” Catra had good nails for scratching. “Catra, can you scratch my back for me?” 

“Sure, c’mere.” 

Bad idea. Stupid idea. Without warning, Catra pressed the full length of her body against Adora, wrapped her arms around her waist, and feather-light, scraped her nails up the center of Adora’s back from just above her ass, all the way up to the base of her skull. Adora’s back arched under the touch, further pressing into Catra, and her throat tried to expel some sort of guttural noise, which she bit back behind clenched teeth. She felt goosebumps rise on her skin everywhere. That was intense. 

“Did I get it?” Oh, she was EVIL. That fucking voice. 

Adora couldn’t formulate an answer. If she opened her mouth, other things would come out. Catra somehow managed to press herself tighter against Adora, gently biting her shoulder. Her lips looked so good there on her skin…”Here, let me try again. I’ll get it.” 

Adora’s ‘no!’ turned into “nnghn!” when Catra dragged her nails -this time from the neck down -down her back, a bit harder this time. Adora shivered against the brunette in the wet heat, her skin covered in very visible goosebumps. Catra let go slowly. Adora wished she hadn’t -she couldn’t take that look in Catra’s eyes. She knew exactly what she was doing. She got exactly what she wanted. Heterochromatic eyes wandered over Adora’s skin and back up to meet embarrassed eyes. She raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrows. “You cold, princess?” 

Cold? How could she possibly be- Oh. She followed Catra’s glance down to her nipples -now hard. OH. Shit. She looked back at Catra -hungry and proud of herself. Dangerous. Adora couldn’t lie and say yes, because that would fucking dumb. Obviously she wasn’t cold in this scalding hot water-Catra knew that. Which means...Catra also knew that Adora was totally turned on right now...by her.

She should say SOMETHING though. All she can manage is a quiet, "Shut up...". But that eases the tension enough to make Catra laugh and leave her alone.

Somehow Catra is out of the shower first, and Adora just stays for a while longer. She decides for once she’ll skip homeroom. Mr. Torgerson liked her well enough and it’s not like she ever skipped or missed class before so he was sure to let her off the hook. She was right. He was totally fine with it. She’s thankful that today is her longer day away from home, because there’s no way she could possibly look Catra in the eyes right now. But she also can’t stop thinking about them... that was a problem. She was totally crushing on her BEST FRIEND, the girl that was supposed to be like her sister. And Catra would never be into her that way -she just liked the attention. She was kind of a tease to everyone. 

She mentally prepared herself for the endless stream of torment when she got home, but it never came. In fact, Catra was unusually quiet tonight. Maybe she’d had a bad day at school -she was listening to metal, Adora could hear it through her ear buds. She thought about asking her if she was okay, but it seemed like Catra might just need her space. Adora did a little bit of homework and then got ready for bed. 

When she came back in from brushing her teeth, Catra was laying on Adora's bed rather than her own. Gulp. “So…” Uh oh. What was she going to say?

Adora approached with caution. “So?” 

“So have you been practicing?” 

Adora climbed on top of the bed from the other side. “Yeah...I mean...I have practice every day?” She was confused. 

“I meant kissing, dumbass.” 

“Oh.” She didn’t feel like she should answer...Catra was going to make fun of her. “Yeah.” 

Catra sat up. “Nu-uh. With who?” She looked...upset? 

Adora kicked herself for answering in the first place. “Well...myself?” 

Catra laughed and lay back down, looking almost...pleased. “And how have you been doing that?” 

Adora sheepishly holds up her hand. “My hand?” 

Catra rolls with laughter, which both makes Adora’s heart soar and her stomach lurch. Was that really weird? What should she have practiced with? She wanted to know what her lips felt like on something and she wouldn’t have that with some other inanimate object...so...

Catra wiped a tear from her eye. “You’re practicing on your hand?!”

Adora felt attacked. “Well! What other choice did I have?” She pulled back the covers and got in, kind of miffed. 

“Uh, I dunno. How ‘bout another fucking person?” 

“I told you already, there’s nobody I’d want to really kiss…”

“He-llo! I’m right here?” 

“What? No. Ew.” 

Catra raised her eyebrow. “Are you sure? You seem pretty damn curious to me.” 

Adora stares up at the ceiling, wishing desperately that she didn’t blush as easily as she did. “Psh. Curious...I’m not...I’m not curious...about you.” God. WHY? Why did you make me so fucking awkward? She can feel Catra staring at her but she doesn’t look. 

“Well, whatever. We don’t have to worry about it anyways.” 

Don’t do it. She’s bating you. Adora could tell by her voice. Don’t look. She can't resist. Goddammit. She turns her head back to face Catra. “What do you mean?”

“Well, obviously, you’re way too chicken shit to kiss somebody anyways. You’d much rather use your HAND.” 

“I’m not scared to do it, I just-”

“Yes, you are.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Whatever.” 

UGH. She HATED when Catra did that. The word ‘whatever’ was officially the worst word in the history of words. “I’m not!” 

“Then prove me wrong!” 

Adora turned her body to face Catra. “I will!” 

Catra also turned “Good!” 

“Fine.” 

“Fine.” 

A moment passes and Catra starts talking about somebody who got on her nerves at school today -poor schmuck. But she sort of stops listening. She’s taking in all of Catra. The way her freckles seem to have stuck around longer this year after being in the sun so much. How white her teeth are. The way the curve of her face looks soft, a stark contrast to the fierceness of her eyes. And her lips...

“Adora? Did you hear a word I said? Why are you looking at me like…” 

Catra’s sentence dies off and her expression changes -softens. If she knows what Adora is thinking, she doesn’t seem to be appalled by it. Adora leans in slowly, giving Catra the chance to back away if this isn't something she wants to be subject to. She doesn’t move. Adora’s heart is pounding in her chest so hard, she thinks Catra can hear it. She stops herself just before they touch and everything seems still except for the breath they're exchanging. 

She swallows and licks her lips before meeting Catra’s eyes again. Last chance, Catra. You can back away if you want. But Catra’s attention is torn too, traveling up and down Adora’s face, searching her gaze for something. She still doesn’t move. The corners of her lips start to curl upwards and she smirks. “I knew you didn’t have the-” Oh, shut up Catra. 

Adora leans the rest of the way, at first the touch is so soft it’s almost like they’re not touching at all, but then she presses her lips a bit more firmly against Catra’s. The first thing she notices is heat -or pressure, she can’t tell. It’s probably both. Whatever it is, it’s soft. Catra is soft. She moves her mouth slightly over Catra’s. Then again, and again, until their lips have parted and she’s trapped Catra’s lower lip between hers. Adora is surprised to find that she has a taste -it’s not particularly like anything, but it’s definitely not her own saliva. 

Suddenly she becomes aware of the fact that her hands feel restless, and she’s reaching her body forward awkwardly to keep their mouths together. Did Catra think this was awkward? What were her other kisses like? Adora scooted forward just a little to ease the tension in her neck, but it inadvertently caused her to push against Catra’s lips just a bit harder. Catra pushed back. Now Adora notices the quiet sound of their lips coming together between shaky breaths -was that Catra’s breathing? 

She caught Catra’s upper lip this time, and her tongue seemed to have a mind of its own, lightly reaching to brush against Catra’s lip. Her breath hitched and it made Adora feel like she couldn’t keep her legs still, like she had to press her them together. She did it again and Catra opened her mouth more, almost like an invitation. Adora’s tongue seemed to just know what to do with that -like it was curious to know what the inside of her mouth felt like. The answer was: Good. It felt fucking good. 

Catra made a small noise when Adora’s tongue touched hers, and Adora became very aware of a pressure low in her belly. Her hands were knotted in the sheet...suddenly she felt overwhelmed. Did Catra feel that way too? She had to pull away. She opened her eyes just in time to see Catra lean after her, eyes still closed -she looked so good. It made her smile though. Catra looked just as caught up as Adora felt. When she did open her eyes, they seemed sort of distant for a few moments. 

Adora was scared shitless, but she had to know. “So...was that...how was that? Be honest.” Her voice was barely a whisper. 

Catra raised her eyebrows and blinked slowly, biting her lip -the lip Adora could still feel between hers. “That was…” She cleared her throat. “I mean...it...you did THAT with your fucking hand? Really?” 

Adora laughed, covering her face with the pillow. They both just laughed, red-cheeked and giddy. Oh man...what did they just do?


	17. Perfect Practice Makes Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Adora and Catra grow a pair (for different reasons).

“So I told him to get his head out of his ass -better yet, out of his friends’ ass. You should have seen the look on this guy’s face. I thought he was gonna cry in front of all of his douchey friends. I swear, it’s like they’re overgrown toddlers in real people clothes. Like, has nobody ever told them no before? It must be nice to just always get your way in life, but there’s no need to be a dick, you know?” 

The whole story, Adora had been silent and disengaged. “Adora?” But she’s looking at me. Her eyes were focused, determined even, and so, so blue. “Did you even hear a word I said?” No response. She...is she...is she looking at my mouth? “Why are you looking at me like…” She’s going to kiss me. Holy shit, I didn’t think all that talk would work... Catra’s heart rate skyrockets and her mouth feels dry. 

Adora leans in slowly, closing the distance between them. She seems unsure, but Catra’s not. She’s not going to back down, even though her poor heart is working double-time. But Adora stops not but an inch away. Come on, Adora. Kiss me! What are you waiting for? Catra watches her lick her lips -they look soft. Their eyes meet again and Adora seems to be asking -asking what? Don’t ask, Adora. Just take. Do what you want. Adora doesn’t move. This is torture. How can I…

She smirks, daring Adora with her eyes to move the last inch. “I knew you didn’t have the-” 

Finally. Adora cuts her off with her lips -soft at first, but then noticeably harder. Adora takes Catra’s lip between hers and pushes into the kiss a bit more -Catra pushes back. Holy shit...Adora was good at this...this was such a good kiss. She didn’t need loads of experience to know that. She knew it was good because she never wanted it to end. Adora’s tongue gently probes her upper lip and Catra has to squeeze her pillow with the suddenness her stomach gets tied in knots. Whoa. She lets her lips part further and when Adora’s tongue returns again, Catra’s moves to meet the intrusion. When they touch it’s electric. She doesn’t know why. Tongues are just weird, slippery, wet muscles, but this is hot as fuck. 

Suddenly, Adora starts to pull away. Catra moves to continue the kiss but Adora is too far away already, and her eyes are open, cheeks pink. Catra was pretty sure her cheeks were also a bit flushed -dammit. There’s no way that was her first kiss. That couldn’t have been. 

“So...was that...how was that? Be honest.” Adora’s voice was barely a whisper. 

Catra raised her eyebrows and blinked slowly, biting her lip, trying to keep some kind of stimulation going. “That was…” Amazing. I can’t say that though. She cleared her throat. “I mean...it…” That must have taken A LOT of practice. Wait...“...you did THAT with your fucking hand? Really?”

Adora buried her face in her pillow and laughed. God, she was so fucking cute. Catra laughed with her in an attempt to get some of the giddiness out of her body. When she finally peeked half of her face out from her pillow, all Catra wanted to do was kiss her again. And again. And again. “But really though...how was it?” 

Catra weighed her options. But..which one was most likely to get her to do it again? “It was good, but I think you could do better.” 

“Better how?” 

“Be a little bit more...assertive.” 

“Assertive.” 

Catra nodded, trying not to stare at Adora’s mouth. “Yeah, you know, do what you want -use your hands.” 

“My hands?” 

Catra rolled her eyes inwardly. Really? Do I have to do everything around here? She reached a hand over and let it rest on Adora’s cheek, heart beating hard in her chest again. Adora’s eyes darted to the hand and then back to her, like a deer in headlights. The brunette leaned in, sort of pulling them together with her hand. She stopped right as Adora’s eyes fluttered closed. Beautiful. 

Catra took her bottom lip between her teeth -very gently. She watched Adora’s eyebrows furrow and slowly released it. Eventually, Adora realized she wasn’t actually going to kiss her and opened her eyes groggily. “See? It gave me control.” 

Adora licked her lips and nodded quickly. “Noted.” 

Catra hoped that Adora might be so bold as to try again, but she didn’t. Eventually the tension faded to a manageable level and they talked about school and the upcoming holidays, and Catra really wanted to tell her that she joined the cheer squad, but then again...it could be a fun little surprise at the game against Bright Moon in a couple weeks...she liked that idea better. Would Adora even recognize her? It was hard to keep it a secret, but it would be worth it. 

So far, cheer was easy. She liked the girls more than she thought she would, but they were definitely still bitches. Some of them had a right to be with the shit they’d gone through. They had this ‘day retreat’ thing where they all did their nails and somebody was doing henna designs, which was super sick, and they talked about their family lives. Sounded like some of them actually had it almost worse than Catra did. She didn’t know that there were other people that felt like she did, that felt like home was really anywhere BUT home. And she didn’t know that there were other people who felt like they didn’t really know what they could, or should, be like because they felt disconnected from their family heritage. 

Catra was half Mexican -she knew from occasionally writing letters to her father that she had lots of family there. But she spoke next to zero Spanish, so even though she understood some of the cultural nuances from living on this side of the city where minorities seemed to be perforated with hispanic communities, she was seen as just a really tan white girl. Catra didn’t know what to do with that. Her and Adora talked about it a couple times, and Adora was really supportive and sweet -just like she always is, about everything -but her words somehow weren’t as affirming as hearing somebody else say the things she’s been thinking and feeling out loud. 

It was strange, feeling like she didn’t quite fit in anywhere. Well, anywhere except with Adora. They fit together perfectly. Somehow they had made a habit out of sleeping in the same bed now -either Adora’s up top, or Catra’s below. Adora’s was more comfortable for some reason. They’d also started spooning more, which was incredibly comfortable, but not nearly as sedative as whatever the hell the other thing was called. Catra just called it ‘pretzeling’ in her head. She would rest her head on Adora’s chest and they would intertwine their limbs. It was like their bodies just melted together. Adora always smelled so good and her heart beat was so steady -well, most of the time. When Catra moved or traced her nails up and down Adora’s back, it would sort of speed up and slow down. 

The other thing that changed was that Adora would actually tease Catra sometimes, which was a fun little turn of the tables. Even though it was maddening and led to some irritatingly deep introspection into her own habits and motives, it was wholly thrilling every time, and it only made Catra that much more determined to come out with the upperhand. Nothing wrong with a little friendly competition to bring out her inner cheat, right?

This particular instance had started with Adora using Catra’s phone at her desk. 

Catra froze for a moment. “What are you doing?” 

Adora was concentrated on writing something down, leaned against the desk. “Homework.” 

“I meant with my phone.” 

“I’m using it as a calculator.” 

“Well...could you not?” 

Adora still had her head down, oblivious to Catra’s rising discomfort. “Uhhh, why?” 

“Why can’t you just use yours?” 

“Beeeecause I don’t know where mine is.” She was always losing her phone. 

“What about your calculator?” 

“Don’t know where that is either.” She looked up, smiling. “Why, you have something on here you don’t want anyone to see?” 

Gulp. Shit. “No.” But she must have taken too long. Adora saw right through the little white lie. 

“You totally do, huh? What is it? Are you talking to somebody?” 

“No.” 

“Then what is it? Tell me.” She raised and eyebrow and picked up the phone. “Or, I guess I could just find out for my-” 

Catra was off the bed and snatched the phone from her hands, laying back down. The truth was, she’d gone shopping at the mall with Lauren and bought some new underwear...which she took pictures of. She thought they looked really good and she had originally intended to send them to Adora under the facade of wanting her opinion on which one to get. But she couldn’t bring herself to actually hit send. If Adora saw those pictures, she’d die, and there’s no way she could explain them away. She also did a little selfie photo shoot with her cheer uniform on. She thought about spamming Adora with them as the announcement that she joined the team, but now she wanted to save that surprise for later so she didn’t want Adora to see those either. 

Her sigh of relief was cut short when Adora landed on top of her, making another grab for the phone.Thankfully, Adora was sitting over her stomach, leaving her legs free. As fast as she could, she hooked them over Adora’s shoulders and pushed her onto her back. She was caught off guard, so she went down easily with wide eyes and a loud ‘oof’. Catra crawled over her, taking the phone back and heading for the door. Dammit. Adora was so quick. She wrapped her arms around Catra from behind, searching for the phone with her hands. “A-dora!” Grr. “Don’t be a dick!” 

“What are you -ngn- hiding?” 

“Why do you care?” They were both struggling to grip it, but Adora finally won, holding it above her head, just out of Catra’s reach. “C’mon! No fair!” 

Adora was beaming. “Come on, reach for it.” Except time Catra tried, she fucking pulled away. 

“Asshole.” She kept jumping and trying. Until she looked back up at Adora’s smug-ass face to tell her off and the smugness was gone. Her pools of blue were slightly clouded over with something -with want -she was staring at Catra’s lips. It suddenly occurred to her how close they were. Adora’s arm relaxed and Catra felt her phone make contact with her fingertips. She grabbed it, holding Adora’s stare. Is she…

Without warning, Adora’s hand takes hold of the back of Catra’s neck -she feels the pressure of her fingers everywhere. Whether it was Adora moving to her or the hand pulling Catra in, their lips came crashing together, taking Catra’s breath. Adora’s other hand is pulling Catra in by the hip, pressing their bodies together. Her tongue is moving over Catra’s lips -not asking for permission this time, just taking. It’s possessive. Fuck. Adora takes steps forward, moving them both -one, two, three. Catra comes to a halt, pinned between Adora’s body and the door behind her. She lets out an embarrassingly loud gasp that startles them both. 

Adora pulls away, alarmed and out of breath. “Did that hurt?” 

Catra shakes her head no. That was hot as fuck. Do it again. She can’t bring herself to say it out loud -how good that was. Adora still looks frozen. “Okay.” Now she’s back to being timid and asking questions with her eyes. She’s still not. fucking. moving. 

“Adora.” Catra felt pent up, like she was about to bite the shit out of her. Why was she so fucking obnoxious?

“Yeah?” 

“Kiss me.” It wasn’t a question, but Adora still gave an answer. 

“Okay.” She nods and dives back in. Catra drops her phone to the floor, her hands finding more enjoyment pulling Adora’s T-shirt in a failed attempt to bring them closer -they were already as close as they were going to get. The next best thing was to simply push harder. Every time Adora’s tongue flicked over Catra’s lip, she felt it in her gut. When their tongues play together, she can’t control her breathing anymore. The hand on Catra’s hip slides down a bit lower, just above her ass -but, of course, Adora doesn’t grab it and that drives Catra bat-shit crazy. Please. 

That’s the last coherent thought she has though. It’s like her bones are melting and her brain is an echo chamber for only one word, circulating and bouncing off the empty walls: more. More. More. More. She bites at Adora’s lip and in turn, Adora presses her harder against the door. She already feels like she’ll explode if she doesn’t relieve some of the pressure inside of her. The hand controlling Catra’s neck moves up and Adora’s fingers tangle themselves in her hair, sending a bolt of electricity down Catra’s spine. They pull her hair gently and Catra couldn’t stop the moan that escaped if she wanted to -and she didn’t want to. Apparently that was the only way she could relieve the mounting pressure. 

Adora pulls again, a little bit harder, and Catra lets her head tilt back, rasping out another moan. The blonde’s lips travel down over her jaw, placing open-mouthed kisses up to where it meets her neck. Adora’s breath in her ear makes Catra shudder and she bites her lip -she feels out of control and it’s scary, but also, it’s so fucking good. The hand in her hair releases and falls down her back. Adora wraps her arms around Catra’s waist to hold her close, and the kisses on her neck slow down. Catra whines in frustration, reaching up around her friend’s neck. She doesn’t want it to end. Adora places one final kiss on the top of Catra’s shoulder before pulling back and just putting their heads together, breathing heavy and standing close. Catra can feel her pulse in her lips. 

“Wow.” 

“Yeah.” Catra cleared her throat. “Damn.” 

They stay like that for a while, just catching their breath. Catra is racking her brain, trying to think of what to say. Adora beat her to it. “I-I used my hands this time.” 

God, she was such a dork. Catra laughed and rested her head back against the door. Adora’s cheeks were flushed -she was sure that hers were too -and her eyes were blue to no end. 

“Believe it or not, I did notice that. Yeah.” 

Adora gave a nervous chuckle and looked down at the floor. “Right, uh…” The question is: why did you stop? But she doesn’t say that. 

Adora steps away slowly. Once she’s a safe distance away, to where Catra doesn’t feel like she’s going to jump on her, she reaches down and picks her phone up off the floor. Adora scratches the back of her head. “I-I should...I should finish my homework.” 

Catra just nods. She wants nothing more than to distract Adora, to tease her and win her affection. But she knows Adora hasn’t been sleeping much lately. She’s up late doing work and still gets up early for practice. Catra can’t help herself though -she HAS to do something to get back at Adora for leaving her pent up and wanting for more. She takes off her makeup and gets ready for bed, then she goes through the pictures on her phone. There are some with a matching black thong and bra with lace, some with a black bra and red ‘cheeky’ panties, and some in a white bikini that was just a tiny bit too small. She texted Adora: 

‘I didn’t want you going through my phone because I didn’t want you to judge me…’

She sent the most sultry of each photo group. 

‘Which should I get?’

Her heart was pounding. What would Adora think? What would she say? Would she say anything? Would she like them? She pretended to be asleep because she didn’t think she could handle talking to Adora about it. She knew she’d find her phone at some point before going to bed and see. Good. Catra wanted to be the last thing she thought about before going to be. Adora certainly was for her. Sure enough, sometime after midnight, Adora gets up and looks for her phone before brushing her teeth and getting into her pj’s. Then she turns out the light and Catra knows she’s going to open her phone to set her alarm for the morning. She’s going to see…

She hears Adora take a short inhale. “...my god.” She whispers to who she assumes is just herself. Catra feels herself flush. Time passes and when Catra opens her eyes, she can still see light against the far wall. Adora is still staring at her screen. How long is she going to look at them? Eventually she locks her phone and sets it on the bedside table. Catra’s heart beats just a little faster as she feels Adora move close behind her, draping an arm around her waist and nuzzling into her hair. She’s more tired than she thought though, because she quickly falls asleep in the warmth of the blonde’s arms. 

When she wakes up, Adora is gone. She checks her phone to find that Adora has replied. 

‘All of them.’


	18. Countdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone loves a good soccer game, right? 
> 
> Or
> 
> Adora is a certified badass soccer player. Catra is a hot-ass cheerleader. Stuff happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned: I'll be out of town for the next few days, so this may be the last update until sometime next week :) Glad you're all enjoying. Things are starting to happen now -the REAL plot begins.

Sophomore year was Absolutely flying by. Adora knew she was busy, but MAN. It was hard to keep track of the days sometimes. The lapse in time was probably partially because she spent way more time than she should thinking about Catra. Even if she had way too much homework, she would still spend a couple hours just talking and hanging out with her, and...practicing. Catra made her feel excited, but also comfortable with herself. When they showered together, Adora was significantly more comfortable -and definitely enjoyed- when Catra touched her body, whereas before, she was too embarrassed. She felt like...like she was too muscular for Catra to find her attractive as a girl, but not enough that she would be attractive in a more masculine way either. She was just...in between. But Catra seemed to like it and that’s all that mattered to her. 

The most recent ‘practice’ happened the other evening. Adora took Catra for a drive and things definitely got heated in the back seat. It started as a simple massage, but then Catra sat on her lap and she was moving and running her hands over Adora’s body. Whenever Catra moans, Adora feels like her bones liquify and get blended up in her abdomen. She’s utterly addicted. She tries not to be self-conscious in comparison about how she sounds when she does make noise, but it’s hard when the other person seems to literally be walking sex. 

Adora felt a little bit strange about all of it though. This definitely wasn’t normal for just friends, and the more time she spent thinking about Catra, the more she came to understand that she really, REALLY wanted this -whatever it was. She tried to talk to Catra about it casually a few days ago but Catra kind of blew it off, saying something about how good Adora is getting and she’s sure to please whoever she’s with. Even when she was saying it though, she seemed like she was holding back. Catra HAD to feel this too, right? She just had to? Why else would it be so hard to stay away from each other? 

Besides, Catra always seemed into it -into HER -every time they touched. Hell, Catra was the one who started it most days. And now she was sending Adora -not quite nudes, but -these pictures in her underwear, or just a towel, or different outfits. Is she just teasing me? Is she just in it for the attention? Well, whatever it is, it’s working. Adora catches herself somewhat obsessively scrolling through her photos during her free time -looking over her shoulder to make sure nobody else can see. It feels like they’re just for her. Catra swears she’s not sending them to anybody else, and Adora believes her. 

These days it seems like she really knows less about what Catra is up to on a day-to-day basis. Sure, they have different schedules, but that doesn’t seem to be it. She’ll just give short responses about things whenever Adora asks -very vague. She’s told some stories about some of the people she hangs out with, but Adora can’t help but feel like Catra isn’t telling her all of what they do together. For instance, sometimes she comes home and smells a little like smoke. She tells Adora she never does it and it’s just her friends, but Adora isn’t so sure she believes her. 

She wakes up earlier than usual the morning of the last game of the season -Bright Moon versus Horde High -feeling pretty nervous. Some of her select teammates play for the Horde -Octavia included. They had a pretty competitive relationship when they played together, which wasn’t bad, per say. When they played together during the off season it worked in their favor, but when they played against each other? Not so much. Bright Moon beat the Horde earlier in the season, 3-1, but it was because it wasn’t Octavia in goal. It was some other girl while Octavia was injured. Even with that ‘advantage’ -if you can call it that -their girls played pretty dirty the entire game. 

Today was going to be tough. Their best chance was honestly to just hold them off and prevent them from scoring in the first place. That way, the worst thing that could happen would be a tie. Best case scenario, they win by a point or two. Either way, there was a LOT of pressure on Adora to be on her A game today. 

School that day is kind of a blur, which isn’t particularly different from other game days. She just sort of goes on autopilot through classes, going through the motions. Adora could tunnel vision and channel all her focus on what it would be like, imagining different plays happening, visualizing her response and where she might put the ball.

Catra texted her at the end of last period. 

‘Look for me at the game today. Got a surprise for you ;) *kissy face*’

Adora smiled. Catra would be her good luck charm today. Good -she’d need it. 

Her other teammates seem nervous too while they’re waiting for the bus. They’re all chatting a bit faster than usual. Away games were always harder because the home teams did what they could to distract. But Adora wasn’t going to be distracted today. This was the one team who could knock their standing for the season down a peg. She really wanted to play at conference, so there was a lot riding on this game. She listens to music the whole way there and gets off the bus feeling good -focused. 

She takes in her surroundings as they enter the stadium, crisp winter air biting at her ears. The Horde’s crimson red is everywhere -enemy territory. Adora goes through the ritual of tearing herself a piece of pre-wrap for her hair. She starts to really zero in as they take to the field. Her mind is on her feet and the ball only. For the last couple minutes, she lets her mind be blank to relax, again, just going through the motions. 

The coach calls them in. “Alright gang, treat this like every other game. We’re here to have fun, but more importantly, we’re here to play a damn good game of soccer, yeah? Their offense isn’t solid as a unit -use that to your Advantage. The keeper is good, so you’ll need to really utilize the midfielders.” 

The captains said a few words and then the coach looked at Adora. “Ether?” Her teammates all looked at her too. Even though she was the youngest varsity player, they seemed to like having her say something motivational at the end. 

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Let’s make the most of every pass. Know where your people are and over-communicate.” 

“Bright Moon on 3!” 

‘One. Two. BRIGHT MOON.” 

Adora looks over and sees Octavia, Chrissy, and Becca. None of them acknowledge her, which is fine. 

They take to the pitch and she can feel her heart pounding. This moment is the same no matter what sport -the calm before the storm. She glances to her team’s stands just for a moment to see her good luck charm and...Catra’s not there. Huh? TWEEEEEET. The ball is in play and they push the field. The two offenses pretty much just battle it out in the center for a few minutes before Bright Moon slips through and gets to the Horde’s defenses. The ball gets pushed out to the side and has to come back. Back, forth. They cross over to the other side and drop back -a breakaway! And a shot! Octavia makes the save. Adora knew she would, but it was still a let down in the moment. 

The ball comes back. It’s Chrissy coming down the center. She passes it out and advances before the ball comes back to her again. She’s trying to use fancy footwork to psyche Adora out -it won’t work. She gives Chrissy the opening to shoot between her legs, knowing she’ll take it, and she does. Adora traps the ball and takes it to the sidelines. Chrissy is pissed and that’s somehow satisfying, but Adora knows that means she’s going to start playing dirty, and she’s right. Not but a few minutes later, Chrissy tries to take her out in a slide tackle. Adora is able to jump over her leg and keep going. She smiles to herself because she can see Chrissy seething. God, she had the worst attitude. 

The teams have gone back and forth for a while. The Horde coach requests a timeout. Adora is suspicious. Normally their coach is very loud, but now he’s whispering. She doesn’t like that she can see Chrissy smiling. Oh boy, here we go. The game resumes. They get another two shots on goal -both stopped securely by Octavia. It comes back to their side of the field from the kick. Adora jumps to trap the ball, and mid-air, who should slam into her but Chrissy. They crash to the ground, Chrissy on top of her. The ball lands in play behind them but Adora can’t get up, Chrissy is dead weight on top of her. She practically growls. “Get off!” 

Chrissy’s teammate Becca has already taken the ball on a breakaway. Chrissy, obviously faking, says “I can’t! I’m trying. Stop moving!” 

Oh no. Adora was NOT about to lose this goddamn game because of bitchy Chrissy. She gave one hard shove and twisted, now free, basically launching herself from the ground as if she was busting out of the blocks. Their keeper, Ricky had come out to meet Becca, who panics and takes her shot too early. Ricky slides and blocks the low shot but can’t trap it, and the ball bounces out to the opposite side where another Horde girl is waiting. Their goal is open. Fuck. 

Faster. She barrels down the field to intercept. Faster. Please make it in time. The girl draws back to strike, somewhat lazily -she hadn’t seen Adora closing in. Adora’s foot makes contact in the perfect spot. The ball ricochets off her thigh -it stings like a bitch- but she knows it won’t go very far and their offense is closing in. She stops and pivots hard -it’s almost like everything is happening in slow motion. She can feel another shot coming. She takes two steps and leaps, praying her instincts are right. YES. The ball strikes her stomach before she falls to the ground. Ricky has come back in and she’s there to dive on the ball. They were safe -for now. 

Her teammates are screaming, Ricky claps her on the shoulder. “FUCK YES ETHER!” As she stands and makes her way back up the field, she hears hollers from the small section of Bright Moon fans in their stand section. She still doesn’t see Catra and that somehow lessens the high she feels from just having made two incredible saves. Chrissy looks even angrier. Good. Bitch. Adora does something she never does -she looks at the opposing team’s stands. A moderately sized sea of crimson scarves to fight the cold, spotted with blankets of various colors. Some of them are pointing and talking, many of them are clapping. Adora feels another swell of pride -even the other team thought it was a good play. 

Of course, there were a few people yelling ‘booo’ and telling the ref she somehow used her hands in the box, which was bullshit. And their cheerleaders were trying to hype them...trying to...what...the...WHAT? Catra. Catra was there. Catra was...wearing the Horde cheer uniform. Catra was cheering with the cheer team for the Horde. Adora tried wiping the sweat from her eyes. No, she was definitely seeing correctly. That was unmistakably Catra. She would know her anywhere. Catra turned and their eyes met -she winked. It was definitely Catra. 

“ETHER. GET BACK! BACK!” 

Oh shit. They were still playing. Horde offense had broken through again. Adora made a quick dash towards the goal. She was able to steal it and get it out the back, but now they had a corner kick. Shit. Goddammit Adora. The hand goes up and the ball flies, curving in straight to Ricky, who catches the admittedly beautiful shot -thankfully. But that was a stupid mistake. That could have cost them the game. Catra, what are you doing? 

The whistle blows and the first half is over. She looks over to see two tall guys talking to Catra -she looks relatively unenthused, but she laughs once. Adora’s stomach gives a sickening twist. She recognizes the boys as Eric and Brandon, two of the men’s team players for the Horde. They’re complete douche bags and they flopped at least four times a game, each. What are they doing talking to Catra? Better yet, what is Catra doing talking to them? Since when is she on the cheer team? In WHAT WORLD? Catra never cared about that stuff before. Better yet, WHY wouldn’t she tell me?

She walks solemnly back to the sidelines. Her coach throws down the cones she’s holding. “Ether, what the hell was that? Huh? You come out and give us two incredible saves and then check out?!” Adora’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “This game isn’t over, alright? We need you out there. Get your head in it, yeah?” 

Adora nods, taking a squirt of water from the bottle Sam hands her. The announcer comes on. 

“What a game, folks. We’ll see if things stay tied up by the end of this thing. But for now, let’s give it up forrrr your CHEER SQUAD!” 

Huh? A cheer at halftime for a soccer game? The Horde was known for being a bit flashy…

The cheerleaders are in tight, long-sleeved crop tops and skirts that kind of flounce when they run. Crimson, gold and black -those colors look really good on Catra. They jog onto the field on their side and Adora is only watching Catra. The music starts and, oh, the way that skirt moves over her hips. Adora has probably never once in her life appreciated an article of clothing this much. The song is a remix rendition of Beyonce’s Countdown. Even from the other side of the field, Adora can tell that Catra is just better than the other girls -her movements put them to shame. She’s crisp and fluid; she’s pure energy. She doesn’t look like a robot, and she’s even adding little nuances here and there that look like they aren’t part of the routine. That’s probably why Catra’s at the front for everyone to see. 

Sam comes up behind Adora. “Dude...isn’t that Catra?” 

Adora takes another sip of water, not letting her eyes stray from Catra’s body. “Yeah…”

Then Catra’s eyes find Adora’s and she’s got that look -powerful, ready to pounce -like she’s dancing for just Adora. She just stares, helpless against whatever Catra is doing with her hips right now because she knows what they feel like on top of her. 

‘Ladies if you love your man, 

Show him you the fliest

Grind up on it, girl, 

Show him how you ride it’ 

Oof. Adora FEELS that and her fingers stop gripping her bottle. Catra gives her another wink before their formation changes and she has to move. Fuck. Okay. So Catra was a cheerleader. And she did this...several times a week...in front of other people...in that uniform...that’s fine. It’s. Fine. You can’t afford to be thinking about that right now. Get your head right, Adora. ‘Grind up on it girl, show him how you ride it’. Her mind flashes to the backseat of her car, Catra on top of her, whispering in her ear. Shit. Okay. She shakes her head. Come on, Adora. Focus. Breath. 

The second half is messy. Both teams are panicking, trying to get a goal, trying to get that one single point that will likely secure the game for them. Another big kick from Octavia sends the ball all the way back. Adora runs for a header. Chrissy pops up right in front of her -Adora is thinking she’s got it in the bag because she KNOWS she can jump higher. She’s almost there, she can see over Chrissy’s head -BAM. Chrissy threw her elbow back right into Adora’s nose. She tastes the blood before she even hits the ground. 

She’s furious -not because it hurts, not because her jersey will be ruined. She’s furious because there was no way in hell she was about to let Catra see her get beat by Chrissy fucking Smitha in a dirty match. She wants to scream and shout, but she doesn’t. She turns it to fuel, sprinting all the way to the Horde’s mid who has the ball, and she takes it from the girl, sweeping her legs out from under her with the kick -but it’s a fair steal. The ref finally takes notice of other girls pointing to the copious amounts of blood all over Adora’s white jersey and blows the whistle. They get the free kick, but Adora has to come off the field. On her way out, she glares at Chrissy, who seems a bit intimidated, making Adora glad she didn’t try to wipe the blood. She’s wearing it all over her face like a trophy. Fuck you. 

“Ether, you and Sam are switching.” 

She felt funny trying to talk with cotton things up her nose and against her lip. “Whut?” Sam was their center midfielder. 

“I’m switching you and Sam. We’re not working together so we might as well get somebody in there who can break away. You’re the fastest one we got and I know you play with their keeper. Get a shot on her. I don’t care how, just do it.” 

She just nods. Fuck. Okay. Think of it as practice. It’s just like practice. The problem was -she’d never really scored on Octavia at practice either...The whistle blows and she jogs back out. “Sam, switch with Ether!” 

“What?” 

“Just do it!” Their coach is frustrated, but maybe this crazy plan would work. Sam gives her a high-five on the way down. 

“You got this.” 

But several minutes later and there’s still no progress. Adora hasn’t gotten a good opportunity. The other team is starting to grab jerseys and go for ankles, anything to keep the advantage. Then, finally, with only a minute left on the clock, it happens. Adora’s palms are sweating as the Horde throws it back into play, but Bright Moon’s outside mid snags the ball. She crosses it over, and it gets dropped back down. A pass back up the center, almost getting stolen. Adora starts running and she knows this is it. The clock is counting down faster and faster, but time slows down for her. She breaks the defensive line right as the ball hits her foot and she’s gone. It’s not offside. Breakaway -go! The defense can’t catch her, but now she’s in front of Octavia. Faster, just get me closer before -Octavia comes out to meet her. Don’t shoot early. Wait. More. Let her get close. Octavia’s huge frame looms as she approaches. Closer. She gets ready to dive. Fuck. Her feet leave the ground. NOW! 

Adora does a spinning pull-back and the ball flares out to the side -safely out of Octavia’s grasp...but Adora’s ankles don't and Octavia takes her down hard. The keeper has a firm grasp around one leg. There’s no time. The clock is almost out -she’s sure under the thrumming of her ears, the fans are counting down. Get up. Move. Without missing a heart beat, Adora pulls hard enough to slip from Octavia’s grip -leaving her with Adora’s clean in hand. Ten. Just stand and kick -the goal is open. Nine. She knows the defenders are not but ten meters behind, closing in. Eight. Just get there. Seven. Everyone is watching. Six. Stand and kick -the goal is open. Five. She pulls back in step and lets go, her socked foot making beautiful contact -it barely even hurts. Four. The ball glides straight into the back of the net, uninterrupted. Three. There seems to be a moment of silence as everyone processes what just happened. BZZZZZZZZZZZ. The clock runs out. Adora falls to her knees in relief. Everyone is screaming and erupting into noise around her. 

It’s over. Bright Moon 1, Horde 0. 

Her teammates make a rush for her, screaming and jumping and hugging her. She actually did it. That was definitely going to be the goal of the year. They disperse as Octavia approaches with the same mean look on her face she always had. She smirks and holds out Adora’s cleat. “That was awesome.” 

Adora smiled, taking her shoe back. “Thanks.” She’s never gotten such praise from Octavia before. Maybe playing with her this last year would be easier? 

Her teammates are all chatty and excited and everyone tells her what an amazing job she did, and Adora really is happy -proud even. But she can’t stop thinking about Catra. Catra saw it too. She had to see her. After the closing talk, she threw her things together quickly. “I’ll be right back you guys. Be right back. I’ll catch up at the bus.” 

They sort of looked at each other and shrugged. Adora jogged quickly over to the swarm of crimson shirts and blankets and jerseys -all of them glaring at her. One or two older people told her she played well, which was nice, but she was on a mission. Now where....THERE. “Catra!” She turned and Adora thought her legs might finally give up on her. Her crimped hair was pulled back into a ponytail, the tight shirt and the fit of the skirt seemed to complement her figure PERFECTLY, and the color scheme of the uniform only served to highlight the beauty of her skin. Every hair was in place, her makeup done -she looked fantastic. And when she smiled... Adora looked like shit -sweaty, hair everywhere, blood everywhere, things up her nose. 

Catra’s arms were behind her back, like she was being shy. “I told you to look for me.” 

“Yeah, uh. I mean, I just -wow!” She didn’t know what else to do besides gesture to Catra with her arms. “I didn’t, uhh…” 

“Do you like my uniform?” 

Adora appraised her again, wishing she could simply show Catra what she thought of her in that uniform -even if it was the rival’s. “Yeah, it-it looks great.” 

A darker haired girl approached them, giving Adora a nasty look. “Catra, let’s go.” 

“Be there in a sec. Hold on.” 

“Who’s this?” 

Who’s this? Did she not know that they knew each other? Did Catra not...tell other people about her? A pit formed in her stomach. Oh. “This is my foster sister, Adora.” OH. It got worse. Not even friend? Okay. 

The other girl continued to stare at her as if she were something dirty. “Hi.” Then she gave Catra an expectant look. “I said, let’s go?” 

Catra raised her eyebrows. “And I said I’ll be there in a sec. Don’t get your panties in a knot.” 

The other girl rolled her eyes. “Fine.” And walked away. 

“That was some game you played.” Catra seemed extra electric tonight, and she apparently hadn’t noticed the comment offset Adora. 

Adora now felt like she’d been deflated. “Thanks.”

“We’ll have to get you cleaned up when we get home.” She winked. 

Adora laughed, but it was half-hearted. She couldn’t get over Catra introducing her as her foster-sister. All of her friends knew Catra by name, and even her teammates knew that her best friend also happened to be her sometimes-foster sister. They all knew about Catra in some way or another...did Catra really not talk about her? Maybe Catra really didn’t feel the same way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIe3k1y6R1M
> 
> ^ That is similar to how I imagine the halftime show looks, just for reference (maybe a bit more cheer-eseque). But Catra is definitely throwing moves in.


	19. Drifting Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora really just need to talk...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back bitches. And let me just say: y'all are not prepared for this shiz. It's about to go down.

Catra was excited the whole way home. Adora was hot. Like...stupid hot. Anyone could see that she had an incredibly commanding presence on the field. It’s not like she was scrappy and really physical -she played fair, because Adora was always fair, but... the POWER. She was an unstoppable force of nature, bending the game to her will. She was objectively one of the only players who was moving all over the place. When that bottle-blonde busted her nose, Catra was fuming. She was ready to put the pom poms down and punch her lights out. But Adora handled it in her own way -arguably, the better way, for sure. There was a ferocity there in the way she looked, how she moved -Adora could kind of be an animal. It made Catra wet. 

But when she finally gets home, Adora is kind of...off. Catra goes to give her another hug once they’re away from Lonnie and Kyle, safe in their room, but Adora’s arms don’t hold her as tight as they usually do. They feel sort of limp and noncommittal, which isn’t like her at all, and she’s using that voice -the one where she’s upset but pretending not to be. 

“So...why didn’t you tell me that you joined the cheer team?” 

Catra pulled back to look at her. “I wanted it to be a surprise.” 

“Oh, well…” Adora was definitely upset about something.“I was surprised.” She gave her kind of fake and nervous laugh. 

“You don’t like it.” Catra lets go and takes a step back. 

“No, no. I’m…” Adora scratches the back of her neck and removes her pre-wrap. “...you’re really good and I’m happy for you if that’s what you really enjoy.” Catra is getting irritated. Why doesn’t she just spit it out already? You don’t like that I’m cheering for the Horde. If you don’t like it, say so. 

“But?” 

Adora hesitates. “Well, it’s just that I tell you pretty much everything and...and you’ve never really seemed interested in extracurriculars.” 

Catra crossed her arms, the rush of excitement from finally being home with Adora slowly morphing into something darker. “Yeah, well...I changed my mind. Is that so bad?” 

“No. Like I said, I’m happy for you, I-”

“Chyeah. Seems like it.” 

Adora was getting frustrated too. “I am! Really. I guess it just made me feel like...I don’t know... like I don’t know you as well as I think I do?” Oh. Catra examines her features -her gorgeous, perfect features -trying to read between the lines. “And I feel bad about that.” 

Catra feels a twinge of guilt, which makes her feel even worse. That’s probably because there WERE things Adora didn’t know, because they just liked different things and hung around different people and just in general led very different lives -but none of that mattered to Catra. What mattered was how good it was when they were together...right?

“I didn’t think it would be a big deal.” 

“It’s okay. I’m just overreacting I think.” Catra looks away, but doesn’t respond. What was she even supposed to say to that? “Could I maybe spend some time with your friends sometime soon?” 

Catra looks back at her friend again. “Huh?” 

Adora is painfully sincere. “You know, like all of us hanging out together.” 

“Why?” 

“Just to get to know them. Or, rather, so they get to know me?” 

Catra didn’t understand. Why did Adora want to spend time with her friends? She was just going to judge them for their habits, and they were going to do the same. Catra didn’t really want Adora to see what they were like...Still, something about the way Adora is looking at her compels her to say yes. “Yeah, we could do that.”

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” But Catra knows Adora is just being polite; she’ll be upset if she says no. 

“No, I mean, whatever you wanna do.” Was the best noncommittal yes she could think of in the moment. 

After such an exciting day and game, after the way Adora stole her heart in that gold and white jersey, they both went to bed in their own beds for the first time in months. Catra could hardly sleep. She was sure Adora couldn’t either -she listened to her tossing and turning at several points throughout the night. A couple days pass and things got better but there was still something just off-kilter between them. It was like they were both avoiding something -something important. Each new day that they didn’t bring the unnamed thing up, it consumed more space and more air in the room. 

But when the day finally comes any Catra brings Adora to a small kickback, she knows it's a mistake. She knows that there will be mutual judgement from both parties because neither fits into the same nice little mold that the other has deemed worth striving to be. The thing about her friends, what really draws Catra in, is that even though they’re still trying to fit a mold, they aren’t hiding the fact that they’re broken like her. Adora tries too hard to be good and she knows that will rub some of the gang wrong. Or, rather, Adora just IS good and perfect, and that’s irritating as shit sometimes. 

At first, the handful of girls from the cheer team she hung out with didn’t like that Catra brought Xavier and Entrapta and Reggie along, but she kept bringing them around anyways. Eventually, everyone got along really well. Xavier supplied the weed and occasional mushrooms, Entrapta pirated movies and TV shows, the cheerleaders provided alcohol, and the others provided cheap and stupid entertainment. It was the perfect combination of people who gave zero fucks. Catra hoped and prayed that this particular time, the drugs and alcohol would be limited. She tried to nonchalantly make a comment to Lauren, who would be hosting, and her only comment was to sneer, “What, are you going straight-edge on me?” 

Needless to say, when they arrived, the room was already filled with smoke and vapor and everyone else had already had a drink or two. Catra took a beer -Adora didn’t because she was driving, and she was obviously horribly tense. Catra didn’t understand why Adora wanted to experience this so badly. She didn’t know this part of town. She didn’t know these people. She didn’t know about half the things that were being talked about, and this particular group wasn’t exactly good at inclusion. A joint was passed around -Adora shook her head. “No thanks, I’m driving.” A couple people snickered. Some of them drove intoxicated all the time. Catra had only done it twice, but it was to get people home who otherwise would have killed themselves or somebody else. 

Lauren raised her eyebrows. “Boy, you’re a real golden girl. I bet you’re a blast at parties.” 

Adora gave a forced smile, “I am if you want Taco Bell at two in the morning.” A couple people laughed and nodded. Lauren passed the joint in front of Catra. Catra paused, feeling what seemed like everyone’s eyes on her. She takes a hit, knowing full well Adora is going to try to talk her about it later. Why did she agree to this? This is awkward as shit. 

There’s a lot of talk about who’s blowing who and otherwise scandalous gossip. Catra is more reserved than she usually is for all of these conversations. She feels like she can’t participate with Adora sitting right there. Sure, they talked about things like that, but Adora was gullible and believed whatever Catra said, so she could guide those conversations how she wanted. But here, with these people AND Adora around, needed to be careful about what she contributed. 

“What about you Catra?” She hadn’t been paying close enough attention to the conversation. 

“What about me?” 

“You’ve got a list like a mile long guys waiting to get in your pants. Are you actually going to give any of them the time of day? Or just tease them until they walk around with ice packs on their balls” Adora goes oddly stiff at the question. 

Catra does her best to maintain the facade of control and disinterest. “How the fuck should I know? Do you see a crystal ball?” 

“Well there is one sure-fire way to tell what your slut-trajectory is.” 

Catra scoffs. “Yeah, no shit, how many people you’ve slept with.” 

“No….how many people have you made out with?” 

Without thinking, Catra answered, “One.” 

There was movement around the room and noises of disbelief. “What?” 

“Just one, are you serious?” 

Reggie sat up. “No, two.” Oh shit. She kind of forgot they were here. 

Xavier and Reggie high-fived. “You too dude?” She wants to sink into the couch and disappear. 

Lauren laughed. “Wow, geeks get the girl -you fucking dweebs.” 

Catra squinted at them. “Whatever! That was forever ago! I was like what, thirteen?” 

Reggie took another hit. “14.” Great. Thank you for clearing that up. 

Beside her, Adora quietly utters a slow, “Three.” She turns her head and the second Catra sees the look on her face, she wishes she could disappear passed the couch and into the floor. She knows Adora has a million questions, and without even hearing them, she can already tell she wants to lock herself away in a dark place and hide there for at least a week. This was a horrible fucking idea. 

“Whaaaat.” 

“No way!” 

“You made out with your foster sister? Freak.” Adora stiffens again. Why did she keep doing that? 

“Three’s not exactly slut-material, but you really are a wild card.” 

Catra’s thankful that the attention goes elsewhere for a while, but she can’t shake the feeling that Adora was mad at her for some reason. For what? Not telling her who I made out with last year? Some light drinking games are played and eventually people head home for the night. Adora drives them home in silence, which irked Catra to no end. What did she have to be so pissy about anyways? Fine. If she doesn’t want to talk, I don’t want to talk either. 

FInally, when they’d pulled up to the house, she couldn’t help herself. Negative thoughts and anxious questions had bounced around her head for the entirety of the drive, ready to spill out. “Did you get what you wanted from that?” 

Adora shook her head. “No.” She turned the car off. 

“What were you hoping for?” 

“Not that.” Good, me either. 

“Not everyone is perfect and goody-two-shoes like you. Sorry my friends aren’t straight-edge.” 

“Not being ‘straight-edge’ is one thing. You and I drink together, Catra. You and I have done some illegal things together -” 

“Hardly.” 

“The point is: they were kind of apathetic and mean-spirited towards each other, and...and…” Adora dropped her hands by her sides. “...delinquents.” Delinquents? Ohh-hoh. Okay. So her friends were delinquents. What would Catra think of her if she knew -REALLY knew- about all of the shit Catra had done? “Catra, Xavier is part of a gang, that’s what the little tattoo on his forearm means.” 

Catra hugged herself a little, feeling progressively more cooped up in this car. “They’re REAL, not like the stuck up bunch you hang around. And I know what his ink means. Xavier isn’t part of it -his older brothers are, but will he eventually probably end up doing some of their dirty work? Yes, because that’s just how life IS for some of us Adora. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but on our side of town, you kind of have to have a thick skin. Not everyone just gets whatever they want.” 

“I know that.” No you don’t. 

“Do you? You’ve had a pretty damn easy life, Adora.” 

“And I’m supposed to, what, apologize for the happenstance of my birth and adoption?” Adora’s eyes were fierce. She was upset now. Catra hated when Adora got upset -especially at her. And why did she feel like she did something wrong? 

“No, but you don’t have to judge others because they were less fortunate.” 

“Catra, I’m...that’s not what...I just think they’re bad influences on you.” 

“Oh, do you? And why’s that.” 

“Well, they clearly use drugs somewhat frequently, and alcohol, both of which I thought you hated. And on the outside they stand for, for...I dunno, consumerism and appearances, which I also thought you didn’t like. And they’re obsessed with pointless gossip, which I also know you hated…” Catra can’t meet her gaze. “So... who are you lying to, Catra, me? Them? Yourself? What are you trying to prove?” 

Catra doesn’t know why this is what comes out of her mouth, but it is:. “Well, maybe you were right. Maybe you just don’t know me like you think you do.” 

She can tell by Adora’s voice the face she’s making -defeated -and now she REALLY can’t look. “I hope that’s not true.” 

That was the end of the conversation. They both get out of the car, enter the house, and go to bed separately again. For the next week and a half, things were worse. Way worse. They hardly spoke, except when Adora found her stash of cigarettes and joints taped to the underside of the toilet lid. That caused another argument. The air between them started to feel stale, like whatever that invisible thing was taking up space in the room was poisoning it. Apparently that poison was very, very flammable. 

Just like the slightest spark causing a dry field to burst into wild flames, when they made out now, the onset would be sudden and near-violent. They would try to take control of each other, all teeth and tongues and hair-pulling. Of course, they both felt like it was really about whatever they weren’t saying, about who was on the wrong side of whatever argument they hadn’t had yet. Adora would inevitably get on top and hold Catra down, make her cry out, which would only make her feel more angry. She was angry because she didn’t want to be the one in the wrong -she wanted to scratch and bite her way to being right - and she was angry because she was utterly weak for Adora like this. Her body betrayed her every time -made her whimper and shake -and simply let Adora take control, let her be right. But they would always stop in the same maddening place, out of breath and drained of anger, scared to cross that line in frustration, to do something they might really regret. 

But when they aren’t literally at each others’ throats, it feels like the space between them grows. Catra is losing control -she’s losing Adora and it makes her panic, makes her lash out at everyone and everything. She doesn’t even know why the fuck it’s happening in the first place! 

One day, it got EVEN better. While she was on break at practice, the women’s soccer team was having a short post-season practice, or maybe just a couple of them were dicking around -she doesn’t know. All she knows is that the name “Adora Ether” caught her attention and she couldn’t help but listen in. It was that massive goalkeeper -six-foot something and brutish -the girl nobody ever messed with unless they had a death wish. 

“...rumor going around that she’s gay. I texted her yesterday and asked if she would go to Junior Prom with me.” There was a rumor going around that Adora was gay? Wait, she TEXTED Adora. Why did she have Adora’s phone number? Who the hell is she? “She said she’d think about it.” 

She said she’d what?! Adora was going to go to junior prom, to the HORDE’s junior prom...with HER? No. NO. Nonono. She imagined what that struggle between ‘right and wrong’ might look like between them. This beast of a girl would no doubt come out on top -of Adora. Catra had VERY little sanity left and this was the absolute best way she could think to spend it. She marched over to the giant girl. “Hey, dog-face.” 

Some of the other girls around looked shocked. “Excuse me?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry -are you deaf? Or just ugly AND stupid?” She was shaking. 

The girl tilted her head. “Watch it.” 

Catra takes a wild swing and it’s caught. This girl obviously knew some martial arts. She effortlessly put Catra on the ground again...and again, and again. There was a crowd of students watching by the end and Catra knew she would be branded a crazy bitch but just she didn’t care. She didn’t care about anything. She was just. So. Angry. 

Eventually an adult comes to break up the ‘fight’ -if you can call it that. When they ask why it started, Catra can’t give an answer, can’t speak. All she can do is hold back the tears she knows will come out if she budges in the slightest. She takes the detention and leaves, riding her bike to a place she knows she can be alone. Once she’s up hill and through the trees, she practically throws her bike down and opens the floodgates. She cries there until the anger and sadness and guilt mesh together to become a sort of overwhelmingly numbing stew of red and purple hues, making all the colors seem as if they’re coming through an ugly brown lens. Then, feeling very small, she goes home. 

Adora gets there later than she’d expected that night, which was good because it gave Catra the chance to really compose herself again. Adora comes in and sits down at the end of her bed. 

“Hey...Catra, look...I know things have been kind of off lately, and I just...well I wanted to spend some time with you.” That makes Catra’s heart ache. “I know it’s last minute, but Bright Moon’s spring informal-” Dance. Junior prom. The torrent of returning anger is sudden. “-is tomorrow night and I was wondering if you would be my date.” 

“No” She doesn’t look at Adora. 

“No?” Adora waits but Catra doesn’t say anything else. “Oh. Okay.” 

“Dances are stupid. It’s just a bunch of horny dudes standing behind girls and trying to grind.” 

Adora nods slowly. “Well, maybe instead we could-” 

“I’m going to a party at Lauren’s. I’d invite you to come but I’m not so sure you’d be comfortable around all the DELINQUENTS.” She sneered and left to lock herself in the bathroom. They were fighting. Didn’t she know that? She just couldn’t deal with Adora being so...nice right now.


	20. We Bend But We're Not Broken (pt 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Adora go to a party. What could possibly go right? (Adora's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSYCHE! Gotcha. Y'all don't even know what's comin'. Okay, maybe you do...eventually. But for now, just enjoy these two being disasters for each other.

Adora is miserable. She feels like Catra doesn’t want anything to do with her anymore, and last night was kind of the final straw. Was this all because Catra thought Adora looked down on her friends? She could give them a chance -she was sure they weren’t bad people, just misled. She keeps trying to tell herself that maybe it’s just that she’s having a hard time, but Adora can’t shake the sinking feeling that it’s just that Catra doesn’t want her in the same way -plain and simple. That thought chews away at her confidence in the back of her mind like a parasite. After all, she’s kissed two other people, and they were both boys. Maybe Adora really just was practice for her...

Adora texts her friends who were going to the Bright Moon dance tonight and tells them she’s got the flu and can’t go. She didn’t want to go without Catra -it wouldn’t be any fun. A part of her wishes she hadn’t declined Octavia’s invitation, only for a moment. Adora couldn’t dance and Catra was right -everyone else was just grinding on each other. Adora didn’t really know how to do that. Well, kind of, but definitely not like that, in a way that was apparently passable for not dry-humping in public. 

But she couldn’t just sit and mope around. She had to do something to try to get Catra back. Maybe she could go to Lauren’s? Yeah. She could do that. She remembered how to get there. She could go to Lauren’s and show Catra that she wasn’t just a stick in the mud, and then maybe Catra would see that Adora could be friends with her friends, and then it would all be okay. 

But oh man...what do people wear to parties? She digs through her closet for something casual but also not. After ten outfit changes, she puts on black leggings and a loose forest green t-shirt that Catra said made her look really good. That would be okay, right? Adora took her hair out of her usual ponytail and straightened it -the only other thing she knew how to do to her hair -and she even put a little bit of makeup on. Just a little mascara and some of the darker powder under her cheekbones that Sam showed her how to do once. She looked...okay. It was one of those things where you shrug and say ‘it’s as good as it’s gonna get’. 

She texts Catra: ‘I’m coming to Lauren’s.” She waits about 20 minutes for a response, hoping Catra will say something that gives away excitement, but she doesn’t respond. Well...I’d better just go. 

The drive seems to go by really quickly and Adora’s incredibly nervous. She takes her favorite back street to get there -a peaceful little neighborhood with lots of flowers everywhere. There’s a lot of cars already parked out front Lauren’s house, so Aparks across the street. She turns the car off and inhales deeply. She’s not going to know anyone there. What if they don’t let me in? What if I get kicked out? She gets out of the car slowly, taking another deep breath. Here we go Adora. You are a party ANIMAL. You are SO FUN. This will be great. Yes. 

She walks up the steps and prepares to knock -she can already hear the music inside -the windows are fogged up. There’s a note on the door that says “come in ;)”. Adora gives it a shove and it opens easily. The noise intensifies three fold and a wave of moist, hot air hits her face. It smells like sweat and smoke. There’s some people by the door who all look at her. She waves awkwardly and they wave back, looking confused. Shit. She’s so out of place. Looking around, other girls seem half naked -she feels overdressed, but also just uncomfortable. Did Lauren’s parents know she was throwing a party? Clearly if they did, they didn’t care what happened to their furniture...or their floor. There were cups everywhere, some stains where darker liquid spilled. Stop it, Adora. Don’t be such a square. 

She meandered into the next room, scanning for Catra. No luck. “Adora!” What?

She turned to find two of the girls on her select team, Maya Valdez and Alex Cho. She knew they went to Horde High. They were really nice. “Oh my god! What are you doing here?”

Adora lied a little. “I came with a friend but I kind of lost her.” 

“Oh, Catra?”

Adora nodded. “Yeah, I know she’s here somewhere. Did you know she got in a fight yesterday?”

What?! Adora shook her head. No, she really doesn’t tell me much of anything these days...“Ohmygod, yeah. Out of nowhere she came at Octavia and started swinging. The only thing I can think of is the game. Awesome goal, by the way.” 

Octavia...as in, Octavia the Octopus? The girl who kid MMA for a bajillion years? Catra tried to fight her? “Did she...I mean…” 

“Oh, she couldn’t even land a hit, but she tried.” 

“Yeah, like way hard.” 

“Octavia just kept putting her on the ground.” Poor Catra...she didn’t look like she had any marks on her though…

“She just kept getting up though like it was nothing.” Sounds about right. Why didn’t she tell me that? Why isn’t she talking to me?

“Sounds about right.” Adora somewhat nervously rubbed her palm against the side of her thigh, remembering where she was, and why. 

Alex touched her shoulder. “Anyways, I can’t believe you’re here! I didn’t think this was your kinda thing.” 

It’s not. She shrugs. “Yeah, well. Gotta live a little, right?” 

They laugh, holding up their solo cups. “Amen to that! Let me get you a drink.” 

Adora starts to shake her head, but then she remembers the goal. We’re here to be fun. “That would be great.” 

“Cider? Beer?” 

She takes a cider and it’s not terrible, but not great either. Just this one. That’s the rule, right? One drink and then you can still drive. 

“Excuse me, ladies.” Two guys in hawiian shirts and backwards baseball caps approached. “Care for a game of pong?” 

Adora’s teammates shrugged. “Yeah, sure.” 

Maya backs out. “I’m not very good, so you two play.” 

One of the guys nudged her side with his elbow. “I guess that leaves you, blondie. Whatdyou say?” He was really sweaty and smelled like beer. Bleh. 

“S-sure. But I don’t know how to play either.” 

So they explained the rules, and to be frank, they sounded pretty sexist. Adora didn’t even understand half of them, but she knew this game was clearly designed to fuel the male ego. All the circumstantial rules were stupid. Girls had to “blow” and boys “fingered”. Girls had to take their tops off and boys had to pull down their pants. There were even times you were supposed to kiss your partner if a specific thing happened. And to top it all off, if one team totally wipes the floor with the other and wins by every cup, losers have to do a naked lap around the house. Wouldn’t you know it? It was the two guys versus two girls who had never played before. What a load of bullshit. If they wanted to turn this into a ‘lets-see-what-we-can-get-the-ditsy-blonde-girl-to-do’ kind of thing, she would call their blough. They could shove it.

Determined to win or not, Adora was pleased to find that she was actually pretty good at this game. It was just hand-eye coordination and projectile trajectory -like shooting a really small basketball. She sank every single one of their cups, and she only drank two.The two boys they played were embarrassed, but everyone else around the room was impressed -Alex included. 

She got asked -or, challenged, rather -to another game. She accepted, and still won, although by a lesser margin this time. Her teammate actually got a few this time, but her head was starting to feel a little fuzzy. Then a big group of people wanted to play something called ‘Rage Cage’, which sounded awful, but it ended up being really exciting. Adora only got stacked once, but...it was the bitch cup and it was filled all the way to the top. Three guys ganged up on her to get her stacked. Now all eyes are on her and she could practically taste the bad beer already, but there was no way she was going back down. She was in this to win dammit! It’s just like a protein shake. It’s just like a protein shake. She learned that she was actually pretty good at chugging, again, impressing those around her. 

So far, everything was going according to plan -people loved her! She felt great. A little wobbly...well....a little more than a little wobbly, but otherwise great! Drinks from drinking games didn’t count...right? Oh shit...No. I’m totally drunk. Why did I do that? I shouldn’t have done that...at least I don’t have school or a game tomorrow...

Maya and Alex gave her big hugs. “What the fuck dude, we gotta get you out more! That was so amazing!”

“Are you driving home?” 

Adora patted the keys in her pockets. “Yeah but I’m done drinking for the night. I’m going to stay and sober up first before I head out.” 

“Good call. If you need though, I’ve got somebody who could totally drive you.” 

Adora was surprised at how pleasant most of her interactions had been -nothing like it was with Lauren and the other cheerleaders. So far, everyone here had been really inviting and nice. “Thanks, I appreciate it.” 

“Hey, I hear there’s a fire out back, do you wanna go?” 

“Sure.” 

Adora looks up and scans the crowded room again. Faces sort of blend together as the room seems to move slightly with the music. Oh man...she was a little more drunk than she thought. As she turns her attention back to Maya walking in front of her, a face against the far wall kitchen wall, still out of focus, catches her eye. She tunnels her vision and there she is. There’s Catra. She’s sitting up on the counter, wearing a white button up that’s mostly unbuttoned, a black lace bralette underneath. A tall boy with broad shoulders is standing between her legs, his hand over her knee. Her hand touches his tricep as he leans forward to whisper something in her ear. Adora stops and watches for a moment. 

“Adora?” Alex stopped abruptly behind her. She doesn’t hear her though. Adora’s attention is on Catra and this boy -painfully so. She can’t look away. She can’t stop herself from thinking Catra looks good next to a guy like that -they would make a cute couple. He’s lean and has a nice build, and he’s got smile lines. So that’s it. That’s her type? 

Adora can feel herself shrinking away. I can’t compete with that. She was five-foot seven and half -nowhere near as tall -and even as strong as she was, he was probably stronger. Probably faster...and, well...he had a dick. Now she knows it’s true that Catra was never really interested in her -not like Adora was. It was all just a game, just ‘practice’ for her -for guys like this. Her heart seizes as he leans forward. It looks like they’re going to kiss and she doesn’t want to watch but she’s frozen. Their lips touch and Catra’s hand goes to his arm. Adora’s stomach lurches and she finally turns away feeling small and sick and drunk in the not-fun way. 

Now the air feels chokingly thick and she can’t breathe. She feels like everyone is staring at her as she brushes past and through people.

Maya calls after her. “Adora, hey, where are you going?” She’s already fumbling in her pocket for her keys. Out. I need out. “Adora!” 

“You can’t drive like this, girl!” She has to though. She has to get out. She’s already to the door, ignoring her teammates calling after her. 

“Adora!” 

The air outside feels like ice on her now perspiring skin. She tells herself that the difference is stark enough to sober her up just enough to get home, but the second she gets in the car, she knows that’s not true. She has to concentrate so hard to stay centered. Is she even staying in her lane? Is the car moving too much? Shit, she was going way too fast, right? I should slow down. She’s not really seeing the road though. She’s seeing them there, kissing. Her eyes start to water and then she REALLY can’t see straight and she knows she just has to pull over before something bad happens. She lets a few tears fall, but then pulls herself together. It’s fine. Whatever makes her happy, right? That’s what matters, that Catra is happy. Without me. 

She puts her head down on the steering wheel and tries to stop the world from spinning, from collapsing. When somebody pounds on her window, she looks up. Catra. Oh shit. How did she follow me so fast? She looks pissed. Did she see me there? No. I can’t do this right now. I cannot. She wills her eyes not to water anymore but she can’t really stop it either. She hears Catra’s muffled voice through the window. “Open the door, Adora.” She hesitates. She doesn’t want to lose the barrier between them. “Unlock it. Now.” She doesn’t know what’s going to happen but she knows that she’s going to keep crying. 

Adora goes to roll down the window but she accidentally unlocks the door instead. Dammit -is all she has time to think before Catra wrenches the door open and pulls her out by her shirt, shoving her back against the car door. “And you’re not even wearing a goddamn seatbelt?! What the fuck is wrong with you!” Adora sort of leans against the car. You tell me, Catra. What is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? Is it because I’m a girl?

But Catra doesn’t hear Adora’s thoughts. She simply continues to yell, voice cracking occasionally. “How could you get behind the wheel? You’re drunk off your ass! WHAT are you thinking?!” 

Adora gives a weary glance up and sees real fear in Catra’s eyes beneath the anger. “Don’t EVER do that shit again, ever!” She feels a stab of guilt. She knew getting behind the wheel was dumb but...she needed to get away. I’m sorry. Catra’s body language changes and she presses herself against Adora softly, face in her neck, breathing heavy. “Don’t be like her. Don’t be like my mom.” Her voice is soft and breaking -Catra is emotional too. Another twinge of guilt. I didn’t mean to worry you. “What if...something happened to you? I…”

Her brain snapped back: would she really care? When she feels Catra’s lips gently touch the base of her neck -the lips she can’t stop thinking about, the same ones that were on somebody else not but ten minutes ago -she feels sick again. Now she’s trapped between Catra and the car. Catra squeezes her a little tighter and Adora is going back and forth between feeling secure and warm, and panicking. It hurts but the tears subside for now. 

Catra pulls away. “What were you even doing there? I thought you had some dance with that Octavia girl?” 

Adora shook her head. How did Catra even know about that? “I didn’t want to go. I wanted to take you to Bright Moon’s dance tonight.” But you didn’t want to go with me. You were there with him instead. 

“Well why didn’t you just go with your friends?” Isn’t it obvious? I didn’t want to go to the dance with them. I wanted to go with you. People don’t go there for the dance -they go to be with the person they like. 

“You were right. Dances are stupid. It’s just so that dudes can stand against the wall and have a girl push back on ‘em.” 

“Can you blame them?” 

Adora’s lips feel kind of numb. She wishes she could say the same for her heart. “No.” 

Catra smiles and it HURTS. “You like how that feels too, so you can’t judge.” 

No. I like how YOU feel. Catra turns around and grabs Adora’s hands, placing them on her hips as she pushes her ass back against Adora. She starts to move and Adora’s body instinctively wants her closer. One of Catra’s hands slides up to the back of Adora’s neck. “See?” This is what she wants. Catra is everything she wants, and she’s here, close to her, moving in Adora’s arms, but she’ll never be Adora’s. Not really. “It’s fun. A little fun never hurts.” 

Fun. Just fun. It was just fun for Catra to tease people. Well... fun did fucking hurt. It hurt like nothing else. Every fiber of Adora’s being was desperately trying to hold Catra close and simultaneously screaming ‘you have to let go’. It felt like she was being torn apart -everywhere. Her heart felt like it wasn’t working right, beating erratically in her chest. Her stomach felt like she’d drank a vat of gasoline that was now just sitting inside of her, poisoning her slowly. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t. The tears start falling again. She can’t fall apart in front of Catra. 

Her hands use their grip -now loosened -on Catra’ hips to push her away, which also hurts. Everything just fucking hurts. Catra turns, confused. “What’s wrong?” 

Adora’s throat feels tight and she can’t look up. “...can’t. I just can’t, right now.” She hates how weak her voice is right now. 

She turns and gets back into the car and pulls the door closed. Catra stands there for a second, watching her, but Adora still can’t look. She’s pushing her seat back. When it’s as far reclined as it will go, she throws an arm over her eyes to cover them, trying to keep her breathing even. She hears Catra open the passenger door and feels when she gets in. “Adora. What’s going on?” Catra’s voice has changed. She sounds worried. “Adora, TALK to me. Please?” Whoa. She never said please. 

Adora starts the long process of forcing her throat to work through the tightness. “My friends know who you are.” She takes a shaky breath in to continue, but Catra doesn’t wait. 

“That’s what this is about? Jesus Adora, I-” 

She tries again louder but even, because that was all her voice could sustain right now. “My friends know who you are and they know what you like, what you don’t like. And they know that because they know what you are to me. You’re my best friend...They know that my whole world revolves around you, Catra.” She takes another breath, a little shakier this time. The tears fall faster down her cheeks and she hates that Catra can see her so weak like this, but if she doesn’t say it now, then she never will. “But your friends don’t know me. They don’t know who I am, which means you must never talk about me... You introduced me as your foster-sister.” 

“Because you are my foster-sister! Right now-” 

Adora laughed. “Yes.” She let her arm fall down and she laughed, but the tears kept coming. Maybe because it was the only way her body knew what to do with that, or maybe because she was finally freed by the truth. “And that’s exactly why.” She nodded to herself. 

“...Why, what?” 

“Why we can’t keep fooling around.”

“What? Why? Because people will think it’s weird?” 

It was infuriating. Did she really not get this? “Because I wanna bang my foster-sister -no, i’m sorry that’s a lie. I wanna fuck the SHIT out of my foster-sister, my BEST FRIEND, and I want to hold her hand and take her on dates, and I want her to wear my leatherman’s jacket so guys will leave her alone at parties, but she’ll NEVER feel the same about me. It’s all a game to her -just fun, just PRACTICE for somebody else -for the guys at parties, and I can’t take it anymore, Catra. I... can’t just be your plaything.” She would have said more, but her throat tightened a bit too much. 

“Adora, that guy tonight...he-that didn’t mean anything, I was-” 

“Do I?” For the first time, she was able to lift her eyes to meet Catra’s -she was on the verge of tears too. Adora didn't want to make her cry but she had to know. She had to. “Do I mean anything to you, Catra? Does this?” Catra blinked and a few tears rolled down her perfect cheeks. “Tell me the truth. Please.” 

“Adora, you...I...you mean EVERYTHING to me. You’re...the only person I really trust. You’re the only person who cares about me for me. I…” 

“Well if you trust me so much then why do you hide things from me? Why don’t we ever talk about what’s going on in your life?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t know! Because I’m stupid, I guess-” 

Adora rolled her eyes, feeling worse by the minute -like her worst nightmare. “Oh, come ON Catra. You can’t even try right now? I just word-vomitted my fucking soul to you, and you can’t even answer a simple question?” 

More tears fall from Catra’s eyes. “I’m trying! I swear, I’m trying! I...just…” 

“Don’t feel the same.” Adora’s eyes felt like they wouldn’t give any more tears. They burned and her mouth felt dry. 

“NO! I do. I do feel the same, Adora.” Yeah right. Still, the words caused a stirring of hope. “I’m super private because -I dunno, I just am. But also there’s a selfish part of me that knows if I bring you around more, everyone will love you, and that’s hard because I already feel like I get no time with you. And when I can’t be with you, it’s nice to be able to be distracted by a bunch of people and things that have nothing to do with you.” Adora looked over at her. Catra was gripping her wrist tight enough with her other hand that she was leaving scratch marks. She was finally telling the truth. 

“And I don’t talk to you about everything because I know some of it you’ll see as bad, and I don’t want you to see those parts of me. If you did...if you knew…” Her voice began breaking. “I’m bad for you, Adora. You deserve…” She takes a shaky breath in and Adora’s heart hurts all over again. “...so much more than me, Adora.” More than you? How could there possibly be anything more than you? Better than you? Even like this -crying, slumped over, hair a bit frazzled -she was perfect. 

“So that’s why...why it has to be ‘practice’, because I know that’s all it can ever be for you. You need to move on to better things, better people. But for me? You’re the peak -you’re perfect. You’re as good as it gets. I’ll never find somebody else like you, Adora.” 

Catra looked like she was really hurting herself with her nails. Adora reached out and covered Catra’s hand with her own. “Catra -”

She looked away, but let Adora keep her hand there, now understanding what it was all about. They were both just insecure and too afraid to tell the other. “And that guy, he-he didn’t mean anything to me. I was just trying to…” Adora waited. “Trying to get him to give me some of his coke.” 

“What?! Catra, why would you do that?” 

“Because I’m fucked up, Adora! You can’t want to be with somebody like me.” 

Adora clenched her jaw. “Why not?” Catra looked up at her, confused and bleary-eyed. “Don’t I get a say in who I like? Don’t I get a choice?” Her eyes just flicked back and forth, searching for something. “I’m NOT perfect, so don’t put me on a pedestal like that. And you don’t get to tell me who I do and don’t like, in the same way that I can’t tell you what to do.” Catra’s expression had changed and she looked like she was really about to start crying. “I want to sometimes, but that’s not because I think I’m above you somehow. It’s because I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. It’s because I believe in you. It’s because I’m selfish and always want to be with you.” 

“Adora.” Catra whimpered and then the tears started flowing again. Adora clamored over the console and got in the back seat, sitting up halfway against the window. She motioned for Catra to come back, and she does, slowly. She lays down against Adora and Adora wraps her arms around Catra’s shoulders while she cries. But Adora smiles to herself. We’re such idiots. We should have just talked about this forever ago. She feels relieved, and hopeful, and free. She promises herself that it will never happen again. 

The world still moves just a bit more than it usually does, but she feels a bit more sober -things are done spinning anyways. The windows are fairly fogged up, but she can see where they are now. She felt a little embarrassed -she hadn’t driven very far despite feeling that she was going super fast. She was pulled over on the side of the road in the quiet little neighborhood, right in front of somebody’s driveway. She’d nearly hit their garbage can. 

Catra stirs and sits up, scooting closer. She’s stopped crying now but she still seems uncertain when she looks at Adora, eyes still searching for something. When they flicker to her lips, Adora understands, and she leans forward to signal that it’s okay. The kiss is soft and reassuring. Adora places her hand over Catra’s before she pulls away, and keeps their foreheads pressed together. This feels right, being here with her and knowing she wants to be here too. Catra clears her throat but makes no moves to pull away. Her voice drops a little bit and it causes butterflies to erupt. “So...you wanna fuck the shit out of me, huh?” 

“Uh…” Gulp.


	21. We Bend But We're Not Broken (pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra's POV of the whole ordeal, and the aftermath *wink wink*. 
> 
> Smut warning: don't read the stuff between the solid lines if you don't want to, but know that it's fluffy smut and there is emotional goop mixed in there. Miss at your own risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HAPPENING. AHHHHHHH. Things move pretty quick from here. ALSO, this story gave me SO MANY THINGS TO DRAW (whenever I have the time and motivation for that).

Catra has wanted to be on a self-destructive mission all night. Key words: wanted to. But she apparently can’t bring herself to do anything -not drink, not smoke, not even binge-eating the chips and doughnuts on the table. All of those things made her feel. She’s just pissed and sad and feeling worthless -feeling too much already- and she wished it would all go away. She just wanted to be numb. What makes people numb? Cocaine. She’s never tried it before, but so far, everyone she knows who has really enjoys it. She knows there’s some here tonight. Lauren’s contact, Jason, is here so there’s gotta be at least a couple bags floating around. She asks around a little bit and Jason’s younger brother, Jackson, is apparently the nearest one holding. She groans inwardly. But he’s such a prick…

He offers to give some to her for a stupid high price and she knows it. Fine. She could get it some other way. She hangs around him for a while, only half-feining interest, listening to him tell stupid jokes and make stupid faces and finally, she thinks she has him where he’s ready to invite her somewhere to do a line or two. Perfect. Reel him in, get a line, then dip. She gets up on the counter and lets him come close. He holds out the bag and leans in close enough that she can smell his gross body spray. It takes every ounce of her will to not pull away. “Wanna go do a line?” Catra nods. “It’ll cost you though.” Of course. 

“Yeah? Forty bucks?” I think the fuck not. 

“One kiss.” Hm…

“One kiss.” 

He nods. “Just one.” 

“Fine.” She really wanted to try coke at least once in her life. Why not tonight?

He leans in, smiling again like he’s hot shit, and she holds her breath -mostly because his stinks. She kisses him quickly and tries not to wipe her mouth when he pulls away. “Let’s go.” 

A commotion across the room draws her attention. The crowd is slightly parted, like somebody ran through it. 

“Adora!” A stockier girl in a crop-top was calling her name over the music and games and slurred conversations. What? Adora? It had to be another Adora, right?

The dark-haired asian chick next to her is also calling toward the open door. “You can’t drive like this, girl!” Drive? Like what? Drive like what?

“Adora!”

Catra slides off the counter and slowly approaches them. Adora wasn’t here -no way. It had to be another Adora. She checks her phone. 

‘I’m coming to Lauren’s’ Shit. That was almost an hour ago.

As she gets closer, the two girls seem to recognize her. “Oh, hey Catra.” They knew her? They must be Adora’s teammates. “Adora’s been looking for you, but she just, like, took off.” 

“She was pretty drunk…” What? Adora got drunk...at a PARTY...and drove? What the hell was going on? 

“Yeah, she said she was going to wait to sober up, but then she just... took off.” Why? Did she see me? Is that why? 

Goddammit. How could Adora do that? She KNEW how Catra felt about drunk driving. She KNEW about her mother. “Thanks.” She pushed her way through the crowd of people. Adora’s car was already gone. “GodDAMMIT.” 

There’s a bike lying on the ground across the yard. She takes it. But which way would Adora go? The white picket fences. That’s where. There was a small neighborhood of mostly old people a few roads down -they all had white picket fences and pretty little gardens. Of course that was Adora’s favorite neighborhood. She ALWAYS chose to drive that way if she had a choice. Catra hoped she wouldn’t break that habit tonight. Even if she wrecked the car, even if she was hurt, there would be people nearby. Maybe she would be okay. She could get help. But it would ruin her life... 

The air bites at her skin and stings her eyes as she pedals, faster and faster. This poor piece of shit bike with a flat tire would only go so fast -but Catra willed it to move quicker, angrier the further she drove. What if Adora ran into a phone pole? Or worse, what if she got in a head-on collision? You’d better not be fucking dead or I swear to God, I’ll ride this shit bike to the afterlife, bring you back myself, and kill you again. 

THERE. There she is -haphazardly pulled over next to somebody’s driveway. The car is off. It’s undamaged. Catra throws the bike down and looks through the window. Adora is slumped over the steering wheel. Oh God, please. Why? What happened? Why is she like that? She knocks on the window, hard. Adora stirs. Thank you Jesus. Fuck. But the relief gives way to anger again very quickly. “Open the door, Adora.” Adora looks...like she’s been crying? She glances down at the lock. “Unlock it. Now.” 

The second she hears the click, Catra has the door open and grabs Adora, yanking her out of the car and shoving her back against the car. I shouldn’t have been able to just pull her out... “And you’re not even wearing a goddamn seatbelt?! What the fuck is wrong with you!” How stupid could you possible be? What were you thinking? No, you WEREN’T thinking! Adora sort of leans against the car -she’s definitely drunk. Her words ring out into an otherwise quiet neighborhood. The only other sounds are her breathing and the sounds of city nightlife in the distance.

Her voice cracks but she doesn’t care. “How could you get behind the wheel? You’re drunk off your ass! WHAT are you thinking?!” Adora gives a weary glance up. “Don’t EVER do that shit again, ever!” Her breaths come in shorter bursts. She feels the anger subsiding to wasted fear and her body betrays her. She leans into Adora, breathing her in. What would she have done if she never got to do this again? Her legs threaten to stop supporting her, both from relief and from the burning she felt from the fast ride here she was now feeling. “Don’t be like her. Don’t be like my mom. What if...something happened to you? I…”

I can’t lose you, Adora. I need you. She lets her lips brush against the base of Adora’s neck, squeezing her a little tighter. Adora stiffens and draws her head back to look at Catra. Something is really, really wrong. Adora looks miserable. Catra’s never seen her like this. “What were you even doing there? I thought you had some dance with that Octavia girl?” 

Adora shook her head. “I didn’t want to go. I wanted to take you to Bright Moon’s dance tonight.” Oh. Adora said no. 

“Well why didn’t you just go with your friends?” 

“You were right. Dances are stupid. It’s just so that dudes can stand against the wall and have a girl push back on ‘em.” Adora sounded so bitter. Adora never sounded bitter. Hell, Catra didn’t even know she COULD sound bitter. 

Say something. Try to lighten the mood -get her out of whatever headspace she’s in. Distract her. “Can you blame them?” 

“No.” 

Catra forces a smile. “You like how that feels too, so you can’t judge.” She’s trying to be playful but it’s not coming across that way. 

Catra turns around and grabs Adora’s hands, placing them on her hips as she pushing her ass back against Adora. She likes this. One of Catra’s hands slides up to the back of Adora’s neck. “See? It’s fun. A little fun never hurts.” 

Adora tensed and then immediately goes lax. She pushes Catra away by the hips, putting several inches of very cold space between them. Why? “What’s wrong?” 

Adora doesn’t look at her. “...can’t. I just can’t, right now.” Her voice is so quiet. 

She turns and gets back into the car and pulls the door closed. Catra stands there for a second, watching her, but Adora is still hiding. She’s pushing her seat back. When it’s as far reclined as it will go, she throws an arm over her eyes to cover them. Was she really losing Adora right now? Was this it? Did she finally realize they were too different? Even if it’s true. She has to hear Adora say it. She won’t give up hope until Adora says it to her face -that she’s not enough. 

She walks around the other side and gets in, terrified of whatever conversation was about to take place. “Adora. What’s going on?” Please. Don’t leave me. “Adora, TALK to me. Please?” 

She stays silent for a few more maddening moments, her throat moving. She’s definitely crying and Catra feels dread pooling in her body, rising like floodwater. She knows she’ll drown if it gets too high. Finally, Adora speaks. “My friends know who you are.” She takes a shaky breath in to continue, but Catra can’t wait. That’s it? THAT’S why? That couldn’t be... 

“That’s what this is about? Jesus Adora, I-” 

Adora keeps talking, a little louder. “My friends know who you are and they know what you like, what you don’t like. And they know that because they know what you are to me.” The world pauses. What...I am to you…”You’re my best friend…” And you’re mine. “They know that my whole world revolves around you, Catra.” Adora takes another breath, a little shakier this time. Tears spill over her cheeks and Catra feels like this is all her fault. Adora is hurting -bad. Catra was always the one to hurt her…

She continues. “But your friends don’t know me. They don’t know who I am, which means you must never talk about me... You introduced me as your foster-sister.” 

Catra replies the first thing that comes to her mine -the only thing. “Because you are my foster-sister! Right now-” 

Adora laughed and Catra knew it was the wrong thing to say. She seemed to always say the wrong thing. The dread is rising. quickly, and it’s cold and makes her feel panicky. “Yes.” Adora lets her arm down as she laughs, tears streaming down her cheeks. Normally, Adora’s laugh made her feel light, made her feel good. This was a very different sound -it was a broken, hollow sound. It was frightening. “And that’s exactly why.” She started nodding. 

“...Why, what?” Catra was scared to know the answer, frozen in place by the ice water now up to her chest. It was getting heavy -so heavy. 

“Why we can’t keep fooling around.” So she really was breaking things off, breaking free from Catra. I’ve been holding her back... 

“What? Why?” Her breathing picks up and becomes short. Catra knows she’s about to cry. “Because people will think it’s weird?” Because I embarrass you? 

Adora looked angry now. “Because I wanna bang my foster-sister.” WHAT? “ No, i’m sorry that’s a lie. I wanna fuck the SHIT out of my foster-sister, my BEST FRIEND, and I want to hold her hand and take her on dates, and I want her to wear my leatherman’s jacket so guys will leave her alone at parties…” She wants...what? “...but she’ll NEVER feel the same about me. It’s all a game to her -just fun, just PRACTICE for somebody else -for the guys at parties, and I can’t take it anymore, Catra. I…” 

Her voice was back to being soft and desperate again and it shattered Catra into a million pieces. She thought...she thought Catra didn’t want her? How could Adora think that? It’s never just been a game to her…”I can’t just be your plaything.” 

Again, Catra fumbled with words. The pressure in her chest made it hard to talk. “Adora, that guy tonight...he-that didn’t mean anything, I was-” 

“Do I?” The words reached out and struck Catra dumb. Her eyes stung as the tears fell freely. But it was Adora’s eyes -blue, pleading, and suffering eyes -that hurt the worst. I hurt her. I hurt her so bad. “Do I mean anything to you, Catra? Does this?” How...how could things have gotten so twisted? How could she not know? “Tell me the truth. Please.” 

The water had risen to her neck, taking her breath and making her stutter. “Adora, you...I...you mean EVERYTHING to me. You’re...the only person I really trust. You’re the only person who cares about me for me. I…” 

“Well if you trust me so much then why do you hide things from me? Why don’t we ever talk about what’s going on in your life?” 

She was stunned and drowning and trying desperately to reach out and grab something -anything. I can’t lose her. I can’t...“I don’t know. I don’t know! Because I’m stupid, I guess-” 

“Oh, come ON Catra.” Stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry! “You can’t even try right now?” I’m trying! “I just word-vomitted my fucking soul to you, and you can’t even answer a simple question?” You’re right! You’re right. 

More tears fall from Catra’s eyes. “I’m trying! I swear, I’m trying! I...just…” 

“Don’t feel the same.” The last few inches go and now Catra’s all ice. Time to sink or swim. This is her one chance -she can tell it’s the breaking point of this relationship. Fight. Fight for her. 

“NO! I do. I do feel the same, Adora.” Tell her the truth. All of it. Right now, or you might lose her forever. “I’m super private because -I dunno, I just am. But also there’s a selfish part of me that knows if I bring you around more, everyone will love you, and that’s hard because I already feel like I get no time with you.” Adora hadn’t moved. At least she hadn’t run away -yet. Keep talking. But it’s hard. She’s gripping her arm, willing herself to speak -flailing. 

“And when I can’t be with you, it’s nice to be able to be distracted by a bunch of people and things that have nothing to do with you. And I don’t talk to you about everything because I know some of it you’ll see as bad, and I don’t want you to see those parts of me. If you did...if you knew…” Her voice gives out thinking of all the things she’s done that she’s ashamed of -that Adora would be ashamed of. “I’m bad for you, Adora. You deserve…” The world. You deserve somebody like you -somebody good. “...so much more than me, Adora.” She waits for Adora to interject, but she doesn’t. “So that’s why…”. This part is especially painful to admit out loud. She wants to hide, but this is a small car and Adora is looking only at her now. 

“...why it has to be ‘practice’, because I know that’s all it can ever be for you. You need to move on to better things, better people. But for me? You’re the peak -you’re perfect. You’re as good as it gets. I’ll never find somebody else like you, Adora.” 

Catra feels Adora’s hand fall softly on her own. “Catra -” She can’t bear to look at her. 

Finish it. Tell her everything. “And that guy, he-he didn’t mean anything to me. I was just trying to…” Do it. Rip the blindfold off. No use trying to deceive her any more. “Trying to get him to give me some of his coke.” 

“What?! Catra, why would you do that?” There it is. A little voice says, no she’ll know how ugly you really are. 

“Because I’m fucked up, Adora! You can’t want to be with somebody like me.” 

Adora clenched her jaw. “Why not?” Catra looked up at her, confused and bleary-eyed. What do you mean, why not? “Don’t I get a say in who I like? Don’t I get a choice?” Her eyes just flicked back and forth, searching for something. “I’m NOT perfect, so don’t put me on a pedestal like that. And you don’t get to tell me who I do and don’t like, in the same way that I can’t tell you what to do.” Don’t do this, Adora. It’s okay. I’m not good enough, just let that be okay. “I want to sometimes, but that’s not because I think I’m above you somehow. It’s because I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. It’s because I believe in you. It’s because I’m selfish and always want to be with you.” 

“Adora.” Catra whimpered and then the tears started flowing again. Adora clamored over the console and got in the back seat, sitting up halfway against the window. She motioned for Catra to come back, and she hesitates, but eventually moves. She lays down slowly, her back against Adora, and when she feels Adora’s arms wrap around her shoulders, she can’t stop crying. How could this be? How could Adora want her back? Why did being here with her feel so right if she knew it was wrong? She replays the conversation. ‘Don’t I get a choice?’ Of course, but why the hell would she CHOOSE Catra? After some time, she decides maybe she’d better not question it or she might lose her chance to be with the most amazing girl. ‘I wanna bang my foster-sister!’ Catra laughs to herself. Of course Adora would say it like that. ‘I want to hold her hand and take her on dates, and I want her to wear my letterman’s jacket so guys will leave her alone at parties…’ Adora was jealous. Of course. Catra was so stupid. 

She sits up and, scoots closer. Adora is wearing Catra’s favorite green shirt and leggings -Adora looks so good in this outfit. Does she really want me back? Adora leans forward and their lips meet softly. She places her hand over Catra’s before pulling away, and keeps their foreheads pressed together. I guess that’s a yes. This feels right, being here with her and knowing she wants to be here too. Catra clears her throat but makes no moves to pull away. 

“So...you wanna fuck the shit out of me, huh?” 

“Uh…” She hears Adora swallow and her cheeks go pink. “Yeah. Yes.” 

Catra places a hand on Adora’s thigh. “Ditto.” You’re the only one I trust with my body. She kisses Adora again, more firmly this time. 

Adora tries to pull Catra onto her lap but this angle is uncomfortable. “Uh...could we move?” 

Catra nods and they shift so that Adora is sitting in the seat normally, allowing Catra to staddle her. The brunette’s heart is already fluttering faster than she can count. She was still reeling from all of the emotions bouncing around inside of her, riding an emotional wave of truthfullness. “Adora.” She spoke between kisses. “I kiss you...because I like how...you taste. I kiss you...because…” Adora’s hands seemed more fervent, one grabbed at her side, holding her close. “...you’re really good at it.” It drifted up and tangled itself in her hair. “Really good.” It seemed like the praise was egging her on. I can work with that. 

“And I like…” The hand pulls her head back and Catra moans, Adora’s lips making their way down her neck. “Touching your body because I think you’re really fucking hot.” Her own hands were playing in Adora’s soft hair, trying to pull her head closer as her teeth scraped over Catra’s collar bone, making her shiver. The fingers groping her side slide around and gently pull at the knot of Catra’s white shirt. Adora pulls away, her blue eyes clouded with want, heavy on Catra’s chest. “You want this off, princess?” 

Adora nods and Catra releases her hair to unbutton the last couple before working the knot at the bottom undone. The blonde shakes her head, “Waitwaitwait. Um…” She’s so freaking cute out of breath like this. “We should…” Catra lets the shirt fall from her shoulders and Adora bites her lip, not taking her eyes off the brunettes burning skin. “We shouldn’t do this here.” 

Catra can’t help it -she’s too ready to do this -she starts to roll her hips over Adora, whose hands immediately respond by grabbing her ass. “Why not?” 

“Because...because…” Adora shakes her head again, putting up a good fight with herself for something. But Catra was one step closer to winning with every roll of her hips. “Somebody might see.” 

Catra leans down and flicks her tongue over the blonde’s earlobe, making Adora melt and dig her fingers into Catra’s flesh, kneading her. “Everyone is asleep. Besides, even if they weren’t, the windows are gonna be so fogged up that nobody would be able to see through them anyways.”

Adora opens her eyes and looks at the windows, opaque from their heat against the cold outside air -the only barrier between them and the night. “But anyone would know what we’re...doing…” Catra groans inwardly. Ugh. Come on, Adora. Let’s just play. “If we did get caught…I mean...I don’t want anyone else to see you…” Catra stops moving and meets Adora’s crystalline eyes. “I want you to myself.” 

Well shit. I can’t say no to that. “I know a place we can go.” 

“Right...but I still probably shouldn’t drive.” 

“So I will.” 

After much convincing, Adora hands over the keys and Catra drives them to the lookout point above the hillside mansion houses. “Nobody comes up here.” They can see down into the valley, the city lights turning the winter night sky a warmer green-ish color before scaling darker to blue and then purple. 

“Wow.” 

Catra has seen this at least four times, and sure it’s nice, but she’s way too horny to want to look at anything except Adora’s body. She clears her throat. “Where were we?” Adora turns to back to her, blushing. She’s so beautiful…”Oh right…” She slips her shirt off again, feeling the blonde’s eyes travel over her bare skin. Catra clamors over the console into the back seat and motions for Adora to come here. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When she reaches for Catra and closes in to kiss her, Catra stops her. “Ah, ah. You too. I love that shirt on you, but it needs to come off.” 

Somehow, recently whenever they made out, by the time they stopped, Catra was always naked except for a thong and Adora would be completely clothed. It wasn’t fair. She wanted to make Adora feel good too -feel appreciated. She wanted to show Adora exactly how she felt. Adora hesitated, holding her shirt. “Come on. Off.” She complies. “Good girl.” The comment seems to make Adora excited -she practically dives into Catra’s lips. Suddenly, their hands are everywhere and their teeth click together occasionally between the play of tongues. The windows fog back up very quickly. 

Catra’s hands slide up Adora’s back above her and she fumbles with Adora’s bra. “How do you...rrrrn...get this -stupid....” It won’t come undone! Adora sits up, smiling sheepishly, removing her lips from the hollow of Catra’s neck where she’d been leaving a mark -her mark. The beige bra slides off to the floor and Catra immediately drags her back down by the waistband of her leggings. “Come here.” 

Adora falls back over her, surprised, holding herself up on her elbows -one on either side of Catra’s head. “God, you’ve got nice tits.” Close like this, they rest on Catra’s nearly bare body. The weight feels good -and the heat -and the swell of her cream-colored skin looks like it’ll melt in her hand. Catra wiggles herself a little lower, breathing in the scent of Adora’s skin -like warmth. Like home. She brings one hand up Adora’s side, lightly dragging her nails over her ribs, making her squirm. Her palm finally reaches Adora’s breast and she squeezes. WHY has she never done this before? How could a boob feel this good? It was supple and warm, filling her hand -and she can feel Adora’s nipple, already stiff against her palm. 

I want it in my mouth. Catra moves her hand away and starts to lean forward. “Catra -mngh!” The cry Adora tries to stifle gives Catra satisfaction as she lulls her tongue over the hard little button. It feels good, and Adora clearly likes it. Oh, I could do this all day. Catra knows she falls apart at the seams when Adora does this to her -she can’t help but give in to the torrent of pleasure it stirs up. What does it feel like for Adora? She’s still holding it together. I want to see her fall apart too…

She switches to the other breast and Adora gasps again, starting to push her pelvis against Catra’s, causing further pressure to build between her own thighs. Adora gives a particularly hard push and it causes Catra to bite down instinctively. “C-atra”. Adora moans her name and she’s never heard such a sweet sound. She liked that? She bites down again, a bit harder, rolling the nipple between her teeth. Adora writhes on top of her. “I...I like that. It’s good...” 

Catra pulls away, placing gentle kisses around the tips of each breast before pushing against the door to slide back up to meet Adora’s embarrassed gaze with a smirk. “I can tell.” Her hands move down the length of Adora’s back to the waistband of her leggings. “I want these off.” 

Again, Adora hesitates for a moment, looking unsure. What’s there to be embarrassed about? It’s not like I’ve never seen you naked. She lifts herself off of Catra and awkwardly half-sits against the car door. Catra just stares as she lifts her hips up to pull the leggings down -she has to wiggle a little and looks embarrassed. Catra is just appreciating. Adora’s thighs are fucking edible. Catra puts a hand on the inside of one of Adora’s knees, pulling slightly, asking her to spread her legs. She resists at first, but then lets them part. Catra’s attention is immediately drawn to the damp spot of her grey thong, right at the center -it makes her throb. I want to taste her. 

Catra pushes herself back so she can lay between Adora’s legs. She wiggles back until her knees press against the far door. It’s kind of an awkward position and not too comfortable. Adora seems to understand where Catra is headed and she tries to close her legs again. “Catra, wait! I’m -I got really sweaty tonight and I haven’t showered and-”

Catra kisses the inside of Adora’s thigh above the knee. “Adora…” She kisses higher. “You’re not dirty. This isn’t dirty.” Higher again. Adora’s thighs are muscled, but the skin is like silk. Catra licks it, squeezing the other upper thigh in her hand and Adora whimpers. “Even if it was, I have to know what you taste like.” She goes higher once more and she can feel wet heat coming from Adora’s center. She smells good. Catra had been worried about that -all the jokes about some girls smelling like fish -but Adora smells...well...she’s not sure how to describe it. It’s just good. “Let me make you feel good.” 

Adora relaxes slightly and Catra moves even just a bit higher, rolling her tongue over the apex of the blonde’s thigh, feeling the muscle there tense. Adora sighs and her eyes flutter closed when Catra moves her mouth to hover right above the wet spot -so close. Adora gives another small whimper and Catra laughs. “I haven’t even touched you yet.” 

“Your breath...it’s warm. It feels good.” The brunette covers the wet spot with her mouth and 

Adora whimpers again. “Yeah…” It’s a slightly salty taste -it’s good. 

One of Catra’s hands wraps around Adora’s thigh, her fingers slipping under the fabric to pull it aside....it’s so pretty...it’s so pink...she’s so fucking wet. Adora halfway tries to close her legs again. “Catra...don’t stare at it…” 

“You’re hot as fuck, Adora.” Is all she says before closing her mouth over Adora’s bare pussy, causing her to stiffen up and grab Catra’s hair. At first, Catra doesn’t know what to do, but her tongue wants to move. I should be using it on her clit, right? That kind of stimulation always works for me when I’m...solo...so...her tongue brushes up over the slick, rolling over Adora’s sensitive nub, making her jerk. Adora tasted REALLY good, but did that feel good? She does it again, a little more directly and it elicits a similar response. She starts flick a little more rhythmically and Adora’s thighs shake a little bit -that’s so sexy. But after a short time, Adora starts to push against her head. 

“Catra...I don’t think I like that…” She stops. Oh. Was I bad? Was I just not doing it right? “It just feels like a lot...but I like the heat.” Well...there was more to eating out, right? Catra gives a more flat lick a bit lower. Adora’s hands return to her hair. “Nng…” She does it again, watching Adora’s face twist. “I-I like that.” 

Good. Catra finds a pace, broad, firm licks. What if I...she knows the opening is right around -here. Catra likes the way she has to push her tongue to get it inside -Adora feels tight. She gasps and closes her knees over Catra’s head at the intrusion. Catra doesn’t need to ask if it feels good -she can tell by the way Adora is biting her lip that it does. The face she makes is so beautiful. Catra would do anything to keep her like this. What’s it gonna look like when she gets off? The thought makes her insides further tie themselves in knots.

She keeps pushing her tongue in and out of Adora, her nose pressed against her wetness, until Adora’s thighs are shaking in hernest and Catra’s tongue is tired. She didn’t know her tongue could get tired. I just want you to cum, dammit! Adora must sense her tiredness because she eventually pushes Catra’s head again. She’s out of breath, which is a small consolation. “Catra, I think...I think I’m done?” Done? If you came, you’d know it. “I don’t know, it feels good but...like it’s missing something. Like I need more.” 

Catra sits up, feeling disappointed with herself. More? She looks down at her hands -her nails are too long goddammit. I can fix that. She bites one, trying to pull the acrylic up. It hurts like a bitch, but the tac is old enough that she gets one off. She goes for the one on her middle finger next. “What are you doing?” Adora seems alarmed. 

“Relax.” Rip. Ow. “They’re fake. I don’t want to scratch you.” 

Adora blushes. “Oh.” 

Catra inspects her hand. She’d have to start getting them done way shorter. That’s fine. Hella worth it. She turns back to Adora, who now looks nervous again. The brunette leans in and kisses her, taking a breast in her hand and brushing her thumb over the nipple. “I just wanna get you off, Adora.” I won’t stop until I do. 

Adora swallows hard, nodding silently. Catra sits between her legs, again sort of awkwardly turned in this car, appreciating the view. She can tell something about this is unnerving to Adora -she looks vulnerable. Catra doesn’t want to do anything to screw this up. Her hands work their way up Adora’s legs again, watching carefully for approval. She gently strokes a finger down over Adora’s clit and she seems to like that, but this angle is all wrong and Catra can’t really move well that way. When it reaches wetness at the center, Adora kind of freezes. 

Again, Catra watches her face. Her eyes are closed -she looks concentrated, tense. Without pressing at all, the brunette sort of wiggles her fingers back and forth over the opening. Adora’s eyebrows furrow and she bites her lip again -good sign. She keeps doing it, gradually adding pressure until eventually, Adora is moving her hips a little, rising to meet the gentle pressure there. 

“Catra...I want them inside.” 

That’s what she was waiting for. She pushes her fingers inside the slick heat, amazed by just how hot it feels -how slippery -and tight. Adora’s eyebrows shoot up and she grabs the edge of the seat, moaning. Yes. That’s what I wanted. “Does that hurt?” 

Adora doesn’t say anything, doesn’t open her eyes -she just shakes her head no. Good. Catra pulls them back out slowly, and then pushes back in. Adora’s response is to die for. Slowly she increases the pace until it’s a steady pumping in and out. Adora’s abs twitch every once in a while, and between the faces she’s making and the sound of her voice, Catra feels herself dripping. But it’s still not enough to push her over the edge. Are my fingers long enough to reach her g-spot? She thought back to the articles she read about it while doing her ‘research’. She sure as hell wasn’t going to have sex with Adora unprepared. She just had to curl her fingers…

“Oh God, mhm.” Fuck.

Adora’s whine is encouraging -or rather, it makes her feel frenzied. She puts a little bit more force into pumping her fingers and hooks them inside each time. She can feel Adora’s walls squeezing her fingers -it’s enthralling. 

“You’re getting tighter.” Catra’s arm starts to burn a little. Man, who knew sex could be a workout? 

Adora’s face is twisted in pleasure, she’s gripping the seat with white knuckles. “That feels so good Catra.” Yes, please... Her voice is getting higher. “It feels like…” Her breathing stutters and her mouth hangs open. “ah!” Adora’s stomach starts to sort of flutter and her hips seem to buck against Catra’s fingers somewhat spastically -she’s mesmerizing. Her insides are pulsing rhythmically around Catra’s fingers and she’s unable to move, to do anything except watch Adora lose the control she tries so hard to maintain. It’s amazing. 

When Adora’s eyes open, something seems wrong. She looks...frightened? She reaches forward and pulls Catra to her, putting her body -especially her hand, fingers still buried in Adora’s wet heat -in an awkward position. Did that scare her? Catra pulls her fingers out to save her wrist from the strange angle but she’s not sure where to rest her hand like this, fingers now coated in slick. “Adora…” She tries to sit up normally instead of being awkwardly half leaned over, but the blonde’s arms keep her there. “Hey...what’s wrong?” 

Finally, she lets go and Catra goes back to sitting up, shifting so one leg hangs off the seat. Adora has tears in her eyes. She doesn’t want to lose momentum but she can tell Adora needs this to move slowly. “Are you okay?” They’ve never gotten this far. 

Adora covers her face, talking through her hands. “Yeah…” 

“Did I hurt you?” 

“No...I’m just...I dunno. Emotional, I guess.” She wipes at her eyes. “Embarrassed.” 

“What’s there to be embarrassed about? That was amazing.” Catra leaned forward and kissed her, feeling somewhat antsy -ready to do it again. Adora relaxes into the kiss and Catra’s hand returns between her legs. She gasps into Catra’s mouth when her fingers start to make slow circles over Adora’s clit. “I could do this all day.” 

She pulls away from the kiss to watch Adora’s features again as she tries to fight herself. Her eyes open partially to meet Catra’s, and two pools of blue wash over her. She wants me. She really, actually wants me. “Catra, it’s my turn.”

Adora sits forward and Catra moves back, suddenly feeling unsure but also, somehow, so ready. The blonde reaches a hand to grab the back of Catra’s neck and pulls her back into a kiss, leading this time, and Catra lets her. Adora pulls the bottom of Catra’s bralette, signalling that she wants it off. Catra happily complies, her nipples already rigid with the anticipation of Adora’s attention. But she sure takes her sweet-ass time, that’s for sure. 

She’s on top of Catra, kissing her jaw, neck, and shoulders -occasionally pressing her hips against Catra’s center, causing a deep, throbbing ache. She can’t stop her own pelvis from pushing back up against Adora and her whole body craves attention all at once -she can’t wait. “Adora-” FINALLY, she pays attention to Catra’s breasts and it’s like there’s a direct connection to the spot between her legs. While Adora sucks and pinches and flicks away, Catra only gets less aware of herself. All she can focus on is the white-hot pleasure and the worsening aching need. She starts to push Adora’s head lower, and thankfully she takes the hint, moving -still too slowly -down Catra’s torso. 

She’s so distracted that she doesn’t have any idea when Adora had unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans -she just knows the pleasure stops momentarily when Adora yanks them down past her knees. She kind of likes it -it’s exciting. She’s almost disappointed when Adora sort of softens again and takes the time to pull each leg off gently. Mentally, she pats herself on the back for wearing this thong -Catra knows Adora likes how it looks on her. Adora’s mouth descends on her body again quickly, licking and sucking her way down, frustratingly slow. “Uh, Catra?” 

Guh. Why did you stop? “What?” She doesn’t mean to sound snappy. 

“Could you move back?” Catra lifts her head to see Adora’s knees pressed against the other door -she can’t go any lower. Catra scootches back up against her door and she’s immediately rewarded when Adora presses a hand against her sex. She can’t help it -she grinds her clit against Adora’s palm, closing her eyes. Eventually Adora’s fingers move to grab the top of her thong. “Off?” Catra feels a sudden wave of unease as they start to pull. Oh man, is this why Adora said not to stare? Before she knows it, the final scrap of clothing is gone. 

Thankfully, Adora doesn’t spread her legs, but instead gets close for more kisses. Catra nearly jumps when she feels fingers between her legs -one of them barely touches her lips and it’s totally different from when she touches herself. Adora gets bolder and presses against her, intensifying the ache she feels. “Whoa.” Adora’s eyes are wide and she’s watching Catra. Really, ‘whoa’? The small movements gradually get bigger, driving Catra crazy. Just put them in already. “You’re so wet…” 

“S’not my fault. Have you seen you?” 

Adora doesn’t laugh -she’s too concentrated. The fingers give an experimental push but they’re in the wrong spot. Catra winces. “Too high.” 

“S-sorry.” 

“It’s okay, just try -nghn!” Adora pushes her fingers inside and the sensation takes her breath away, forcing her eyes closed. “That…” It’s a little bit of a stretch -but a good stretch -and there’s a deep throbbing sensation, almost like a pulse of heat.

“....ly shit...You -it sucked me in.” Catra maybe would have been embarrassed if she cared enough. All she wanted was for Adora to move her goddamn fingers. 

“I don’t need the play-by play. Just -” She moans when Adora starts doing something inside of her. Is she...is she just wiggling her fingers inside of me? It would be funny if it wasn’t blending her insides and turning her brain to mush. 

“Does that feel good?” 

“Yes.” More, please. Adora seems to hear her thoughts because her fingers press a bit more firmly as they take turns sliding over the front of her insides, creating almost like a deep tugging sensation inside of her. “Fuck... yeah.” Then Adora’s fingers move together, pulling out and pushing back in against that same spot. Catra feels her eyes roll back behind closed lids -this makes her feel full. So, so, so much better than masterbating. “Faster?” Adora moves faster. “Mmmh! Yeah. Good girl.” Harder. Fuck! She really likes that phrase. “So good, Adora…” 

Catra knows she’s getting louder but doesn’t care. All that matters is the heat spiraling out of control inside her, pulsing through her veins like fire. When Adora stops moving abruptly, her body complains. “Wha-” She opens her eyes, drunk on pleasure, to find Adora sliding back, her mouth hovering over Catra’s pussy, still clamped down on her fingers. When she sees Adora’s tongue headed straight for her, her eyes close of their own accord. But she wasn’t prepared for how it would feel. 

Adora’s tongue is hot against her -and slippery. Catra’s hands move to grab her hair, to grab anything, just as Adora happens to discover her clit, and her eyes immediately close again. As her licks become more like flicks, getting more and more precise each time, the pleasure becomes sharp. Catra can feel herself getting tighter but she wants more. Just a little bit. “Faster.” Yes. “Adora…” 

Her legs start to quiver and she can hear how ragged her breathing is, but she doesn’t have the brain power to be embarrassed and she can’t fight it. Besides, this feels so fucking good, she doesn’t want to fight it. Catra knows when the tension reaches its peak -it’s much higher than she’s been able to get herself. She knows because of how fast she falls from the top when the tension finally breaks, the waves of pleasure radiating from her core. Catra hears Adora make a noise of approval and all she can do is hold on and ride it out. 

Before she has a chance to come down, Adora’s fingers start to play inside of her again, more confidently this time -that deep pulling sensation immediately rebuilding the pressure. She’d nearly forgotten all about Adora’s fingers so the feeling catches her by surprise. “Oh shit!” Another noise of approval from Adora between her legs. Somehow, Catra manages to open her eyes enough to see Adora’s are closed and her eyebrows are knit together with determination. But Catra can't watch for long. Adora’s fingers start pumping in and out again, curled and pressing against that magic spot. Her bones melt and she can’t control her body. When Adora’s tongue synchronizes with her fingers, she knows this time will be different. She’s going to cum hard -like, scary hard -but she can’t stop it. 

She’s only vaguely aware that the desperate cries in the distance are really from her own throat. When it happens, her mind is blank except for one thought: Adora. Adora. Adora. The release that tears through her body is sudden and almost blinding -she sees violent flashes of colors, like fireworks, behind her eyelids as her muscles seize up. Her legs shake and she couldn’t stop the spasms if she tried, so she lets herself just feel -everything. Adora slows her stimulation and lets Catra actually come down this time. The brunette bites her lip and realizes she can’t really feel it -her fingers and toes are tingling too. But what she can feel...is wet. Like, too wet. She opens her eyes and sees Adora, watching her wide-eyed and dripping. DRIPPING. Her neck is wet. The car seat is wet. Catra immediately covers her face with her hands. I just fucking squirted...This. THIS, is embarrassing. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“What did you do to me?” 

“I don’t know...but I’d like to do it again.” 

Catra laughed. It was the only thing her body could manage besides crying -no wonder Adora got emotional. That was intense. Did Adora feel like that? Catra didn’t know what to do with herself. I just ruined her upholstery and she still wants me? But wait, she couldn’t go again, not right now. “What’s so funny.” 

“I can’t feel my lips.” 

Adora pulled her fingers out slowly and crawled over Catra, who let herself lay down on the seat. She sighed when their bodies pressed together. She could get used to this. “Are you sure?” Catra nodded, feeling Adora’s lips press down on hers. “Did you feel that?” Catra shakes her head no. 

“Try again.” 

Adora kisses her again, more full this time. “How about that?” 

“Nope”. But Catra can’t help but smile when she says it. Adora laughs and kisses her again anyways. She lets her arm fall away from her face and finds Adora staring down at her with that soft look she gets sometimes. Catra feels embarrassed all over again. “Sorry I ruined your car.” 

Adora played with a strand of her hair. “I’m definitely very into everything that just happened.” Her gaze hardens and she looks focused. “I...I meant what I said though...about not wanting other people to see you. And about holding your hand and the jacket thing...” 

Catra wrapped her arms around the blonde, raising an eyebrow. “Adora Ether, are you going to ask me out on a date?”

“No, I’m asking if you’ll be my girlfriend.” 

Catra holds her breath for a second, scanning Adora’s eyes for the punchline. Adora just waits patiently, somewhat nervous. “Yes.” Adora beams. “I would love to.” They hold each other and kiss and laugh giddily. Maybe it’s the newfound comfort within the intimacy, maybe it’s the security in knowing Adora wants her, but something compels Catra to keep the honesty game going. “You’re my person, Adora.”


	22. Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy fluff :) Angsty fluff :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short hiatus gang. Long story short, my dad had a medical emergency last week but he's alright. I still may be going back and forth to help him out with stuff around the house for a while. If that is the case, chapters will come out pretty slow. BUT they'll be worth it -I promise. THINGS ARE HAPPENING.

The next few months of spring are complete and utter bliss. It’s hectic, but bliss. Adora spends every waking second walking on air because she knows something that nobody else around her does -Catra is HER girlfriend. The thought fills her with pride every time because Catra is beautiful and daring and funny and smart, and even though she doesn’t like to show it, she’s incredibly caring. She’s got a soft side that nobody else gets to see. Catra’s the girl everyone wants, but she’s all Adora’s and Adora somehow still can’t get enough. When she’s not running around campus for her own activities, she’s driving to watch Catra cheer. The team performs at half-time for home baseball or softball games -neither of which Adora is bothered by watching at all -but namely she goes to watch their practices for the regional competition. Catra tries to be nonchalant about the whole thing, but it’s obvious that she’s invested. Adora had never really thought of cheer as something particularly athletic, but after watching the hours of hard work they put in -beautiful, beautiful work -Adora understood why it was considered a sport. 

Things have gotten significantly better with Catra’s friends. They actually spend time together somewhat often and Adora definitely gets why Catra likes them so much. They don’t care what people think of them, and Catra loves that. Adora likes that too. Lauren still makes fun of her for being ‘straight-edge’, but every now and then Adora whoops her ass at beer pong and then she backs off for a while. Catra seems very...comfortable with all of them being together now. 

That’s exactly what it was. Everything with Catra was just comfortable. But not so comfortable that nothing was exciting though. On the contrary, every little thing was exhilarating. Catra was just an all-around enthralling person to be around. She was spontaneous and so entirely captivating, and she was so good at drawing Adora out of her comfort zone. And it’s not like it was all about the sex or anything, but... THE SEX. 

They kind of went crazy for a while there after the first time, but after a couple months of car sex whenever they could, they realized that they couldn’t just slack off on all of their other life-related responsibilities. The bed or even the floor was way more comfortable -for obvious reasons -but...they weren’t exactly quiet all the time, and Kyle and Lonnie were just down the hall. Now that they were teenagers too, they stayed up late and sometimes had friends over, and even when Catra buried her face in pillows, they got an occasional curious knock on the door. 

They started locking their door at night so they could sleep naked. Ohhh. Life changer. Their bodies fit so perfectly together and the way they shared heat was just the most amazing, relaxing way to end a long day. Oftentimes they stayed awake for several more hours of talking about anything and everything they could. They could be silly and love themselves and each other when they were alone. Adora couldn’t imagine not being able to be with her like this all the time. She needed Catra. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………........................................................................................

That summer had to have been Catra’s favorite summer ever. She put more time and effort into re-selling clothes -which also meant she got to update her own wardrobe -and Adora thought it was the coolest thing ever when she finally told her. She was incredibly supportive of the idea, saying it was innovative and how proud she was of Catra to be doing something that makes her feel good for work. Adora continued working at the pool, which she thought was just okay, but she wasn’t in love with it or anything. It was mostly just an excuse to be active and stay cool on hot days. Catra went to visit sometimes with ice cream just so Adora would have to ‘escort her out’ and they could make out behind the building without being seen. Plus, Adora’s coworker had a little crush on her. Catra made sure he knew two things: that Catra was number one in Adora’s life, and that she did NOT like him. 

Sometimes it was kind of hard that people didn’t know they were together. They had to lie to people -like, a lot. Not that Catra was opposed to lying on any particular moral principle, but then it was work to make sure their stories matched up and that they didn’t get caught. While Catra thought it would be much easier to just tell the truth and say ‘fuck you’ to anyone who doesn’t like it, she knew there would be a lot of people who didn’t like it. They wouldn’t understand. Some people thought they were supposed to be like sisters, but it just wasn’t ever like that. They were friends -best friends -and then they were just...more. So, so much more. Besides, none of ‘the gay kids’ in either of their schools had good reputations. Not that either of them cared that much about reputations per say, but it did matter how their teammates treated them. There was just a lot of unnecessary risk if anyone were to find out -things would be harder. 

They would still bicker sometimes -mostly joking, of course, and pushing each other’s buttons. Well...Catra pushed Adora’s buttons. After all, she was just too easy to tease, in the best way -Catra just couldn’t resist. But all the teasing was always in good fun. They hardly ever argued for real, and even when they did it was always an easy fix. Catra couldn’t stay mad at Adora even if she tried. When they were together, she was full of this overwhelming sense of purpose. She had no idea what she wanted from life, but she knew those aspirations inevitably included Adora.

That’s exactly why it was such a crushing blow when they received word that her mother’s sentence was almost up and she would have to go home. The thought made her angry and sick to her stomach. She hadn’t had to deal with Gary, with that shitty house, in almost a year. She couldn’t go back. She couldn’t. Things were too different now -SHE was too different. Even Lonnie and Kyle shed a few tears at the thought, but they didn’t know how terrible it was to live there -to not exist. 

She and Adora cried their own tears once they could be in their own bed together and talked about what would need to change. Adora’s attention was already going to be divided in a new direction this year. She was starting to take classes at the community college so she could get her AA before she graduated, then she would go away to college. And Catra...she had no idea what she wanted to do. Her grades had been better the last few months than they’d ever been, but she still wasn’t college material -she didn’t even like school. But she knew she wanted to be with Adora. Adora was the reason the world's colors were so beautiful and vibrant -she had grown to love them as she got older. Without Adora...without Adora it would be dark. 

That last month with the Ethers was hard. Adora kept telling her it would be okay and that nothing had to change, but Catra knew everything would change. She could already feel the loneliness creeping into her chest, casting the shadow of how she used to be over her like a spell -no, a curse. She started haphazardly smoking cigarettes, which did not settle well with Adora, causing a few fights. So did the increased binge-drinking on weekends. She got her belly button pierced -at a parlor she was pretty sure wasn’t licensed, but she left that part out -and she was happy to see that Adora actually seemed to like that one. Adora drew a hard line with tattoos though. She said that Catra’s ‘teenage rebellion’ could only go so far, which was the wrong thing to say, because it only made Catra want to do certain things more. She always felt irritated and like there was something crawling under her skin, making her occasionally feel itchy -like she was compelled to do bad things. 

The one good thing that came from the emotional instability was the sex. They were back to fucking like they might die tomorrow, in part because all of Catra’s need for attention was directed at Adora, and she knew just how to wind her up. Adora was currently in the habit of making Catra wait for things -for her touch, to get off. How could something so fucking annoying make her feel so good? Having Adora on top of her was worth the aggravated wait every time. It could be frightening though, how readily she gave everything she had to Adora -gave herself. There were no reservations whatsoever.


	23. Angels & Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra go to a halloween party ;p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning. There's some stuff, but again, it's also very soft. If you don't want to see it, don't read below the solid line.
> 
> I know this is not what you guys were expecting. I haven't been able to get this idea out of my head since I started this, so I HAD to include it, and it ties in really well with everything else so *shrug*. Here you go -my gift to you. Sexy-Devil Catra and Righteous-Angel-Adora trying not to get corrupted. Oops, I meant trying TO get corrupted. 
> 
> BUT ALSO: they wub each other so much, it's ridonkulous.

Not living with Catra was terrible. The house felt empty, her bed was too big and cold, and everything was just...quiet. Way too quiet. Catra was always playing music, bringing the world to life with movement everywhere and Adora felt its absence. Now everything felt still and silent and just not right. Knowing that Catra was miserable at home only made things worse. Catra’s mom went to jail for a full year and some odd days, but somebody else came back in her place. This new woman claimed to have been ‘transformed by God’s will’ and suddenly she cared about her daughter’s ‘mortal soul’. Catra says she turned into a religious freak, that it was all she could talk about. She said she was being suffocated. 

Adora could tell it was making her anxious and trapped. Any time she had the chance, Adora would steal her away, but now Catra had a curfew -something she’d never had before, even as a small child. Adora always had to take her home at the end of the night and that had to have been the worst feeling in the world. Her heart would sink and her stomach twisted -the way Catra would squeeze her hand... 

Her mother confiscated her phone because she found a text message with a curse word in it. Talk about hypocritical. Catra went and bought another one that she kept well hidden. If her mom freaked about one little swear word, what would she think about the mass of thoroughly unholy and explicit sext messages they exchanged? Adora was suddenly very, VERY glad Catra was good at being sneaky. The nudes were drool-worthy and the phone sex was great -the things Catra’s voice could do, even at a whisper -but it just wasn’t the same as actually being able to touch her. Still, Catra was so good at playing games, getting inside Adora’s head and staying there. Not that she ever really left the forefront of Adora’s brain. She was always thinking about Catra. She thought about telling her things that happen at school, or about something stupid kyle did, or how gorgeous she was and how much Adora missed her. 

Despite how much her mother supposedly now cared for her, Catra’s birthday still came and went unnoticed by her and Gary both. Adora brought her back to the house to do a small ‘family’ celebration with Kyle and Lonnie and her mom, and then to Lauren’s for a kickback. Adora waited until they were alone to tell her what her present was. She drove up to the lookout spot over the city they now frequented. “So...you know how we’ve been talking about…” Adora felt her face heat up, which was dumb because they’d totally had a conversation about all of this before. Catra was just watching with amusement. “...trying new things?”

Catra shook her head, feigning innocence -terribly. “Can’t say I do.” Guh. You totally remember. 

Adora cleared her throat. “We talked about getting...a strapon.” 

Catra’s smile broke through. “Oh, riiiiight. Yeah. I remember.” The one streetlight nearby cast light through the window across her face, softening her features, but not the dare hidden in her eyes. 

“I got us one. I mean, I got one for you -for your birthday.” 

“Oh yeah?” The brunette’s voice took hold of her. “Is that why we left early? So you could show me a new toy?” I wish. The nails gently moving over the back of Adora’s hand set her skin on fire. 

“I don’t have it yet. I ordered it online and there must have been some kind of delay in shipping. Now it says it won’t get here until the thirtieth.” 

Catra kept drawing shapes over her skin. “Well...then I look forward to the thirtieth.” She paused for a second. “You sent it to your house right?” 

“Yeah.” 

Catra kissed the back of her hand. “Good. Psycho bitch will get ahold of it otherwise.” The air changed as it always did any time Catra’s mom was mentioned. “Then again, maybe I do want it to come to my house. I want to see the look on her face when she pulls out a massive dildo. And I’ll be like ‘surprise! I’ve got a girlfriend. See you in hell!’” 

Adora wished there was something she could do about the bitterness there, but she understood Catra’s anger and resentment. She didn’t blame her for hating this woman who had no right to micromanage her, who was suddenly so controlling out of nowhere. “I mean, it’s not massive.” 

Catra raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said you wanted to...now what was it again?” Ohhh don’t say it. “Oh yeah, you said you wanted to stretch my pussy out.” 

Adora covered her face with her hands. She’d said that in the heat of the moment -hearing it now was so cringe-worthy. “Catra…” 

She laughed. “What? I like when you talk like that.” 

“...it’s embarrassing…” 

“It’s hot.” She leaned in and they kissed, effectively ending the verbal conversation for the rest of the night. Only when they were both drunk off each other and the pleasurable heat of nakedness did they start talking again. By then, the stars had rotated across the sky and the horizon started to brighten, and Catra was way passed curfew. Adora had to take her home.

Nights like that were hard. Neither of them ever wanted to say goodbye and they both knew the other would pay for the time spent together in some form or other. For Catra, it was that she would get in trouble. For Adora, it was that she had to rush through some assignment or neglect it completely, and neither one of them got much sleep. More and more frequently, they got in the habit of staying on the phone until they both fell asleep. Sometimes if Adora woke up in the middle of the night and they were still on the phone, she would stay awake just for a few minutes to listen to Catra breathing on the other side, remembering what the steady rise and fall of her chest felt like underneath her arm. Or sometimes she would whisper things she knew she couldn’t really say -complements Catra would never accept, or on rare occasion, she would talk softly about how much she thought about having a future with Catra. 

She definitely couldn’t admit that -that would freak her out. Catra was totally afraid of commitment. She was always talking about how couples who get married before 25 never make it and it’s all a bunch of bullshit pressure from parents and families to ‘get serious’. She got really anxious whenever they started talking about the future, even just the next couple years. Adora thought the future was scary too, but...they didn’t have pressure from anyone because nobody knew they were even together, and yet, Adora was very secure in feeling certain that Catra was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The person that made her try new things and grow like nobody else. The person that knew her the best. The person she trusted with every fiber of her being. Her person. Catra said Adora was hers too. That meant Catra felt the same way, right? Adora knew she was young, and everyone says you don’t know what love is until you’re older, but...this was love, right? 

The next few weeks seemed to drag on. She only got to see Catra once in person and, while the ‘visit’ was a refreshing reprieve, waiting to see her again was killer. Adora felt like an addict. She was constantly checking her phone for messages and voicemails, waiting for her next fix of Catra. They’d decided that the next time they would meet would be Lauren’s late halloween party -Catra would risk sneaking out and staying out all night. 

She was being annoying though. She wouldn’t show Adora her costume and the anticipation was horrible, chipping away at her a little bit more each day. They had decided that they would be an angel and a demon because those were the kind of couple’s costumes that could still pass as not couple’s costumes. Adora even sent her a picture of what she was having done to her hair that night, and Catra didn’t budge an inch. ‘You’ll just have to wait *wink*’. 

And then the toy finally arrived. Adora had been checking the mailbox twice a day, and the porch three times -at least -trying to make sure that nobody else got to it first. She practically knocked Kyle over on the stairs running to her room, tearing into the box immediately after closing and locking the door. It looked bigger than she thought it was going to be. She couldn’t help but wonder if it would hurt inside either one of them. It was firm and smelled strongly of rubber, which only washed away slightly. She couldn’t help it -she had to try it on. Afterwards, she was thankful she did so because it took an embarrassingly long time to figure out how to get it all together and on right. You’d think something like this would come with better instructions. Once she got the toy in its place, she looked at herself in the mirror, slightly embarrassed. She felt silly, but she could get over it if she could make Catra feel good…

Her heart rate picked up as she tried to find a halfway decent pose. She took at least seven before choosing one where her legs didn’t look so...big. 

Adora: ‘The toy got here.’ 

Catra responded quickly. ‘Bring it to the party next week’

Adora felt her cheeks light up. ‘We can’t do it there...people might hear…’ 

Catra: ‘Fine. Your place?’ 

Adora: ‘Yes.’ 

Catra: ‘can’t wait’ *tongue-out face* 

Adora licked her lips, contemplating. Should I do it? Just hit send. ‘Do you wanna see it?’ 

Catra: ‘Duh’

Adora: ‘I’ll trade you a pic of the toy for a pic of your costume’ 

Surely she couldn’t say no to that. Adora selected a photo and prepared to send it, waiting nervously for a response. There was none. Okay. I can sweeten the deal a little bit. Above the picture she typed:

‘Raise: a pic of me with the toy for you in your costume.’ 

Catra couldn’t refuse calling a bet. But when her finger went to send the message, the picture went with it. “No!” Shit shit shit. At the exact same time that the send bar completed and the word ‘delivered’ popped up, Catra’s reply came through. 

Catra: ‘Nice try.’

Adora stared at her phone with horror. Dammit. 

Catra: ‘See, this is exactly why you lose the game. You’ve gotta have patience.’

Adora: ‘C’mon, that’s not fair.’ 

Catra: ‘I didn’t agree to send shit. But thx, princess. I’ll def be using that later tonight. *water emoji*’ 

Adora threw herself back on the bed, one arm over her eyes. The thought of Catra touching herself earned an immediate tingling sensation. 

Adora: ‘Call me?’ 

Catra: ‘hmm. Maybe’ 

Adora: ‘Pleeease?’ She waited for a response. 

Catra: ‘30 min’ 

Adora smiled and clutched her phone to her chest, excited to no end. Whenever Catra asked her to wait, it was because she was taking pictures of herself. By now, more than half of Adora’s camera roll was pictures of Catra, naked and clothed. Pictures of her eyes, her hair, her smile, her sleeping, her figure. She was excited at the prospect of adding just a couple more to the collection. 

That week flew by faster than she could have hoped. It was like she blinked and it was Saturday. She spent nearly 40 minutes fooling around with eye-shadow trying to figure out how to not look like a clown. After several times of putting it on and washing it off, she settled with a lightly tinted shimmery color. Her costume was simply a pair of high-waisted, white slack-material pants, her white tennis shoes, a white bandeau under a white coat, and a pair of feathery angel wings. She had Lonnie do some braid things around her hair and curl the very ends softly. She inspected herself thoroughly in the mirror, hoping desperately that Catra would like it. She would right? She liked whenever Adora’s stomach was out. 

When she got to the party -early, as always -there were all kinds of costumes. Gory ones, scary ones, funny ones, stupid ones. Adora had to admit, she did like the one of the guy riding a donkey that was just a suit -it was pretty funny. Catra wouldn’t be seen with her in something like that though. Speaking of… “Where is Catra?” 

Lauren, who was a playboy bunny -go figure -shrugged. “I dunno. I thought you losers would come together.” 

Adora sent a quick text, asking when she was going to leave. She’d offered to drive her there, but Catra said she wanted it to be an absolute surprise. She tried to busy herself rather than just waiting around, so she joined in a couple of games and she had her one drink for the night- she had to be sober enough to drive them back to her house. God, she could hardly wait. 

Entrapta was hanging out in the corner of the room, watching everyone, occasionally scribbling furiously into a tiny notebook. She was a funny girl, but Adora was glad Catra had befriended her. “Hey Entrapta.” 

“Hi Adora.” 

“What are you for halloween?” Adora looked at her typical attire. 

“A scientist.” 

Adora chuckled. “Entrapta, I think the point is to think of something a bit more...creative? Something you aren’t really in your everyday life.” 

She tapped her chin with her finger for a second. “Oh, well...then I’ll be a communicable disease hiding inside a person and waiting to infect somebody else. Hence the normal and otherwise unsuspecting clothes.” 

“That’s definitely more creative!” She gave a smile. This girl…

“Oh my… I was right.” Entrapta’s head was turned, eyes squinting. “Fascinatinggg.”

“Right about what?” 

“Catra’s costume.” Huh?

Adora followed her line of sight, whipping her head to the door where Lauren was greeting Catra. Oh God, if you’re listening, give me strength. But even as she said the silent little prayer, like any good angel would, Catra’s eyes found hers and her knees practically buckled. She was in a tight, thigh-length, black silk dress with a slit up the side all the way to the hip. She wore blood-red heels that had to be four inches at least, and her straightened hair was held down and away from her face by a horned-headband. She had done some kind of textured makeup around the temples to look like scales with the same vibrant colors of her eyes, each practically glowing, and her skin looked like she’d rubbed oil everywhere the way it shined just a little.

How fitting that she was a demon. There was absolutely no doubt in Adora’s mind that this temptress was forged in the fires of hell. Half the room had their eyes on her and she knew it. She was sleek and utterly untouchable -intimidating. Catra was the embodiment of sin if there ever was one. And the way she fucking walks...the entirety of her leg was exposed with every other step. Adora just stares as she makes her way across the room because she can’t do anything else. “Hey Adora.” She can’t hide the little shiver Catra’s voice delivers, tapping straight into her central nervous system and rendering her mute for just a bit too long. 

Perfectly manicured hands tipped with shiny black nails reach for the sides of her jacket. “Love the suit.” Adora’s eyes follow them up to her shoulders, to her collar bones, up to her neck -sparkling with a small gold choker Adora had given her last year. It struck her now as almost seeming like a collar, Catra’s very subtle way of telling everyone that she was Adora’s. If only she could touch it... 

“Adora, contractual social interaction suggests that’s the part of the conversation where you say thank you.” Entrapta broke her out of her trance -mostly. She realized she’d been staring open-mouthed for far too long and closed it immediately. 

She laughed awkwardly. “I, uh...yeah...hey, this-”

Catra saved her from herself. “Grab a drink with me?” She just nodded dumbly as Catra pressed herself against Adora’s arm. Catra wasn’t wearing a bra. Thankfully the music easily covered the sound of her swallowing too hard. But damn. Catra smelled good. So good. Everything about her tonight was overwhelming. Unfortunately, other people thought so too. She got hit on twice before they even reached the kitchen. Adora practically bit back a growl when one of them tried to touch her arm. Adora simply wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her towards the kitchen. 

“Let’s get those drinks.” The tall blonde guy started to offer to ‘help’. Adora cut him off. “That’s super sweet of you, but we got it. Thanks.” 

Only when they were safely in the kitchen and away from most of the prying eyes did it occur to Adora how incredible Catra’s skin felt through the fabric of this dress -the very THIN fabric. Catra poured a couple shots of white rum into a cup. “Easy tiger, I thought you were going to rip that guy a new one. Obvi much?” 

Adora rubbed the back of her head. “Was that obvious? Sorry…” 

“I don’t mind. But you don’t need to be jealous.” She put the cup to her lips, darkened with lipstick that could only be made to look this good by the queen of the damned herself. “We both know who’s bed I’m sleeping in tonight.” Heterochromatic eyes twinkled with mischief and Adora was melting being this close to her. Why was she so goddamn hot? 

“Mine.” She whispered it in such a way that it almost sounded like a question. Catra laughed and Adora caught sight of her canine teeth, which were much longer and pointier than usual. 

“Of course it’s you, idiot. Why did you ask that like a question?” She took another sip. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” She made a VERY convincing vampire or succubus. That would certainly explain the otherworldly attractiveness. 

“Your teeth?” 

Catra bared her teeth for a split second and then licked her lips. “All the better to eat you with.” Adora continued staring. “Kidding. Kind of.” The up-and-down look Catra gave made her feel weak again. “They’re these weird little prosthetics that I cut to fit my teeth.”

“I like it.” 

Catra raised an eyebrow, like ‘yeah, I bet you do’. Adora felt like she was quickly losing the will to keep her hands off of Catra, to maintain the solid foot of charged distance between them, when Lauren and Dominique came crashing into the kitchen. “Time to dance bitch!” They grabbed at her arms and started to pull her back into the other room.

Catra glanced back over her shoulder with a smirk as she was quickly dragged to the cleared living room dance floor. Adora tried to busy herself for this part of the party, the part where everyone was watching Catra move. The only problem was that Adora couldn’t help but watch too. Her attention was pulled away from several otherwise riveting drinking games multiple times -Catra’s eyes boring into her consciousness, willing her to stare, saying ‘look at me, Adora’. She’d already had enough trouble staving off fantasies all day. This was super not helping. 

She was never jealous in a very serious way when Catra danced with her friends, but the feeling was definitely there. Maybe envy was a better word. She was envious of how close they got to be in front of all of these people, how they could move together like that and nobody would blink an eye -both because they didn’t want to miss a second of it, but also because apparently it wasn’t strange that a bunch of friends just want to get all up on each other. That’s fine.

It didn’t help when a group of new people showed up -it looked like a bunch of football players. Except Adora didn’t really recognize them from anywhere. The four big guys practically dropped the 30 rack of beer on the kitchen floor. They weren’t really interacting with anyone but each other, which was also stupid. After two of them shotgunned two beers -an experience Adora noted that she never wanted her stomach to have -they all stood around on the periphery of the room, watching the core group of girls dancing in the center of the mass of bodies. Nobody ever really tried to grind on them -they were way too far out of everyone’s league. These guys clearly didn’t think so. She could feel the jealousy start to bubble up. Just play the game, Adora. Just play the game. But she kept looking up. They were practically drooling. One of them reached down and adjusted himself through his clothing. Ohhhh, nope! No. Hm-mm. Mine. 

She made her way through the crowd towards Catra, who seemed pleasantly surprised to see her. “Come to dance?” Before she could answer, the dark-haired devil with painted eyes was already too close, moving her hips in perfect time to the syncopated latin rhythm. She would press herself against Adora and Adora could feel both the heat and softness of Catra’s skin under the sheer fabric of her dress. Then she would move and dance around Adora. Only when she glanced over at the guys in the corner again, now doing the unblinking stare and clinking bottles, did she remember why she came out here. When Catra moved in close again, she grabbed her hand and spoke directly into her ear to be heard over the music. “Bathroom?” 

Catra turned to relay the message to the other girls, who honestly couldn’t have cared less. They were drunk and enjoying themselves. Adora practically dragged her up the stairs and down the hall. The second the door was closed, she was blocking Catra against it, flipping the lock and moving to kiss her. A hand flew up to cover her mouth and Catra turned away. “Lipstick!” Adora groaned against the hand. “If this shit smears, it won’t come off.” She didn’t miss a beat in moving towards Catra’s neck, placing open-mouthed kisses up to her jaw. “Eager much?” She sounded breathless. Is her heart pounding out of control too? Adora felt like hers was going to burst out of her chest at any second. How did she get so lucky? Catra was unreal.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

She wrapped her arms around Catra’s waist, pulling her close, breathing in her hair and perfume. “I don’t think I can wait.” I have to touch you. Her hands slid lower, down Catra’s hips to palm her ass -she felt amazing in this dress. Her skin, it-...her skin?...Her hands wandered around Catra’s hips, up to her waist, back down to her ass, over and over again. There’s no...she’s not…there’s nothing “...underneath.” She’s naked under there. Catra was smirking at her. 

“Looking for something?” Adora just swallowed in response. Catra’s voice was doing that thing. “Close your eyes.” But she didn’t want to look away. Because of Catra's heels, they were about the same height. Catra’s eyes were drawing her in. “Come on, close your eyes.” 

She willed them shut, still not trusting whatever Catra was about to do. She felt a hand take hers and guide it slowly up. Her temperature seemed to rise as their hands did, breaking the top off the thermometer when her thumb brushed against Catra’s thigh and she realized where they were heading. Catra was most definitely naked under the dress. Naked and shaved and slippery. She was so fucking wet. Gulp. 

“You aren’t the only one having a hard time waiting.” She swallowed again, feeling that sentence in her bones. “I’ve been thinking about you and that toy all day.”

“W-we don’t have to wait. I mean, right now -we’re, I could-” She opened her eyes to find Catra’s, half closed and absolutely begging. Adora couldn’t help herself. Something about it felt wrong, putting a finger inside without any foreplay, without touching everywhere else first, but it went in so easily...Catra rested her head against the door and closed her eyes for a moment, now pulling Adora closer by the belt loops. She’s perfect.

There were a few tense moments of just ragged breathing and muffled music from downstairs where they both acknowledged they could do it right now -lose the clothes and give in to each other. Catra’s molten heat pulsing around her finger wasn’t doing anything to talk her off that ledge. Only when Catra reached down to pull Adora’s fingers away from her did she admit that she would have to wait. “Here’s how tonight is gonna go.” Adora watched helplessly as Catra brought her hand up to her mouth and licked the top and side where she’d made contact with slickness. Then she took two fingers into her mouth and sucked on them. Adora put her other hand on the door for support, feeling the lull of Catra’s tongue all the way in her toes. 

“Catra…” 

She released Adora’s fingers, and played with one of the ends of Adora’s curl. “We’re gonna go back out there and have fun. Then, when the clock strikes midnight, we’re going straight to your room.” I like the sound of that. “I’m going to give you a little reward for being good and waiting.” Ba-dup. A reward? “Then I’m all yours.” 

Adora wrapped her arms around Catra again, burying her face into her neck. “You’re already mine.” 

Catra held onto her too. It’s not that the tension was gone at all, but it had softened into something less primal. “You know what I meant.” 

“And you know what I meant.” 

Catra nodded. “Yeah...I know.” She knew. They both knew. 

They stayed like that for a moment just holding each other. Adora’s thoughts slowly turned once more to the feel of the brunette’s body through her dress, how good it was going to feel to be pressed against her without it, but…”Catra?” 

“Hmm.” 

Adora pulled away to look at her. “I don’t want it to hurt.” 

Her eyes still held heat, but it had dampened to a warm glow -a comforting glow. “It’s going to feel good no matter what because it’s you, Adora. You won’t hurt me...and I won’t hurt you.” 

The last part made Adora feel exposed, but not necessarily in a bad way -at least, not while Catra was holding her like this. For some reason it was incredibly difficult for Adora to...receive when they had sex. It was frightening and she felt almost undeserving of the love and praise and attention. Catra was the only person she could trust with her body and she seemed to understand that somehow. Adora wished the intimacy of that moment could last, just gently touching Catra’s hair and her back, breathing with her. But how much peace can and angel and a demon really hope to get hiding in one of only two bathrooms at a house party full of drunk and high people? Not much. It wasn’t but 15 seconds later that somebody pounded on the door. It was Reggie, high off his ass. 

Catra gave Adora the softest kiss on the lips, so as not to smear her dark lipstick. “Midnight.” 

Adora nodded. “Midnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn. I had no idea I'd written 23 chapters...like, what? This was originally going to be so short. HA! Oh well.


	24. When the Clock Strikes 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning: it's literally just smut. Fluffy, fluffy, smut.

Catra was not a patient person by any means, but she could be strict with herself if it meant winning. Adora was already practically bouncing up and down constantly waiting for the last chime of the living room clock. The only reason either of them knew it was midnight over the music and the laughter and drunken yelling was because they’d both been watching closely with anticipation, checking every few seconds it felt like. When their eyes met, Catra knew exactly what lingered in those blue eyes, darkened and almost hazy. Adora was going to try and pounce on her the second they were alone, but Catra wanted to keep control just a little longer than that, to tease her. They said goodbyes quickly and Adora’s tires started spinning before Catra had even shut her door, kicking up some gravel and drawing attention. 

Catra got a wicked idea. She leaned her seat back slightly and started drawing small circles on her thigh, making her movements obvious and imagining what it was going to be like to give Adora a real lapdance. The blonde was watching her intently. “Catra, what’re you…” Catra slowly slipped a hand up her dress to ease the throbbing at her center. “...doing…” 

She turned her head to look at Adora’s hungry expression, a smirk playing at her lips, to find Adora watching her hand as if she wasn’t driving a car right now. “Eyes on the road, Adora.” 

Her head snapped back and Catra felt the car lurch back to the center of the road. She continued to rub gentle circles over her clit, heat still pooling between her legs at the thought of Adora being there soon. But she kept her eyes open and watched Adora struggle -poor thing. She wanted to look so bad. They were going 38 in a 25, zooming down residential streets, taking corners way too fast. She even blew a stop sign. Adora was never this reckless behind the wheel -it was kind of thrilling. She was biting her lip and had a white-knuckle grip on the wheel. Mmm, Catra could do better than that. 

So, she played it up a little bit, breathing heavily and moaning -she even threw her head back a couple times. It didn’t actually feel that good. She wasn’t really trying to get off right now, but the feeling she got when she tore Adora’s attention off the road made her throb. Whenever they swerved toward the edge of the road where mailboxes and parked cars would be in danger, Catra got deep satisfaction from saying “Adora! Eyes on the road” knowing damn well she wasn’t going to be able to keep them there.

She gave another higher-pitched moan and Adora blew another stop sign. “Fuck…” They were almost home. 

Catra tried to sound annoyed. “You’d better not get us pulled over.” 

“ME?!” 

She gave a too-obviously fake ‘mmmm yeah!’ and laughed, giving away her ploy for attention. Oops. That was a mistake -she broke her own rule: never show your hand early. Adora responded almost immediately by reaching over and tweaking a nipple through the silk, hard enough to let Catra know she was annoyed, but soft enough to feel good. It was punishment. The moan she gave this time was real and Adora knew it. Goddammit. 

“Take off the stupid lipstick.” 

“What’s the magic word?” 

“I don’t care if I get it all over the both of us.” 

Catra shrugged. Good enough for me. It was kind of exciting pushing Adora like this -she should really do it more often. Adora kept a stash of napkins in the console. She used one to scrub at her lips, over and over again, trying to get off most of the dark stain. All the while, Adora’s hand squeezed at her inner thigh. “Remember that reward I talked about?” Adora just nodded. “You wanna know what it is?” She nodded again. “I’m gonna give you a lapdance.” 

“A lapdance.” 

“Yup.” 

They pulled into the driveway -FINALLY. “Okay.”

Adora opens her door and practically pulls her out of the car. She fumbled with her keys nervously at the front door, dropping them once -almost twice -her cheeks turning pink. It was cute when Adora got clumsy like this, but she’d never seen her this bad before, except for maybe the first time they ever really made out in her room. She got like Bambi on ice. They walked too quickly through the entryway, bumping into the side of the couch in the dark. Everyone else was asleep. Perfect. 

The door is closed and locked securely behind them and there’s a moment when Catra thinks Adora might actually jump on her -she prepares. But instead, she continues to stand there, shyly. “So...a lapdance.” They had to whisper now that they were inside. She looks so fucking good in that white suit. Catra grabs Adora’s desk chair and puts it in the center of the room.This was going to be delicious. 

“Sit.” 

Adora looks unsure as she walks over, but she sits down, fidgeting with her hands. Catra picks a song she’s been imagining doing this to -she’s got a whole routine in her head. Adora’s going to die. She hits play and walks behind the chair, dragging her nails gently up Adora’s stomach, watching her abs contract just under the skin, making them pop. God, she loved doing that. She slips the jacket off Adora’s shoulders, appreciating those too. She takes a seat slowly on Adora’s lap and Adora immediately grabs at Catra with trembling fingers. “Ah-ah. No touching.” 

“Then what do I do with my hands?” 

“Grab the chair.” She makes a noise of frustration but complies. Good. The slow prelude is almost over and the song is about to start. Catra gets up off of Adora’s lap and steps back. 

‘Mmm

When We

Go’

She starts slow, big movements only, as if her whole body has a drawl. Then she drops to the floor and spreads her legs, flashing Adora briefly. 

‘I like it when you lose it’

She loved this song. It was almost like it was meant for them -it was her and Adora’s back and forth.

I like it when you go there

I like the way you use it

I like that you don't play fair’

She thrust up from the floor in front of Adora’s feet, loving the weak expression on her face. Adora was caving so fast. She was practically drooling already. Catra pushed herself to her knees and swivelled her hips in small circles. 

‘Recipe for a disaster

When I'm just try'na take my time’

She bends to touch her ankle and flips her hair. As she straightens up again she’s biting one finger and trailing the other hand down her body. She can see Adora’s chest rising and falling heavily in the light from the dimmed corner lamp. 

‘Stroke is gettin' deep and faster

You're screamin' like I'm outta line’ 

She didn’t even do anything else as she moved closer to take her seat and Adora whimpered. She must like this song too. Catra sits slower this time -this is where it gets fun. She starts the circles again, but Adora’s hands grip her back, pawing at her ass and holding her close. 

‘Who came to make sweet love? Not me’

Catra would have laughed at her desperation if it didn’t feel so good. “Adora, I can’t dance if you hold onto me. No touching.” But Adora was already placing wet kisses on her collar bones.  
‘Who came to kiss and hug? Not me’

“I can’t wait anymore.” It was a husky whisper, marked by possessive hands pulling at her. 

‘Who came to beat it up? Rocky

And don't use those hands to put up that gate and stop me

When we, fuck’

Adora gave a soft groan against Catra’s jaw and she almost reciprocated. But she had to keep control. Just for now. Just this. “Adora, let me dance for you.” Please. She knew that would work -appealing to her sense of obligation to others. “Do it for me?” When she heard another groan she knew she’d won. Adora’s hands relinquish their hold with disappointment and she grips the sides of the chair, harder this time. Catra continued the torture. She was touching her breasts and grinding into Adora, who was trying so hard to be good, to not touch. Her jaw was clenching and her eyes squeeze shut, whining with nearly every little movement. 

‘I could be aggressive 

I can be a savage 

I just need your blessin' 

Say that I can have it, yeah

When we, fuck’

The brunette stood slowly, moving back down to the floor to show off that she knew EXACTLY how far she could get into the splits without showing Adora everything -but staying painfully close. But for Adora to see that -to see anything -she’d have to actually be looking. “Adora. Eyes open. No cheating.” Adora looked like she was saying a prayer, eyes still closed. 

Catra pleaded again, softer this time. “Adora, look at me... All this is for you.” 

She took a ragged breath , forcing her eyes opened halfway, and even that seemed difficult. They fell heavy on Catra’s body in the best way. Then something came over her. Catra knew it wasn’t really dancing, but what if she just...no that would be a cheap move... but so worth it. She twerked her way back to Adora’s lap, letting her full weight down and grinding again. The moan it earned from Adora’s open mouth made her drip. If she likes this so much, then what if I… 

Catra pretended she was fucking a toy -as if she knew what that was supposed to be like. She would soon... “SHIT!” Adora swore in a regular voice. “Oh my god. Hnn- fuck,-” 

“Shh!” Catra whispered back, but she had to admit she liked this, a lot. Adora was usually the quiet one. 

She made no attempt to lower her voice. “...your fucking ASS…” 

“Adora! Quiet.” Catra wished she could see her face -it almost sounded like she was going to get off. 

“GOD-dammit, Catra -wait! Stop.” I don’t think so. “Catra, I- Jesus. …” She groaned again. This was better than she ever could have imagined it. Adora’s arms came up and encircled Catra’s waist, holding her down and to Adora’s body, effectively stopping Catra’s bouncing motion. She was shaking so hard, her face buried in Catra’s hair. Poor baby. 

She took another few ragged breaths before whispering again. “Catra...you have to take your dress off.” She sounded like she was about to cry? “You have to.” 

Oh no, you aren’t getting out of this early. The song was going to end soon anyways. They might as well just finish it. “Why?” 

“Because I think I’m going to rip it.” The words hung in the hot air between them for just a few moments. Catra wasn’t sure whether she was going to laugh or cry or rip the dress off herself and say ‘take me’, or maybe all three. “Catra...please...I don’t want to rip it. It-it’s a really nice dress and I like it, but I-” She was doing her nervous ramble. 

Catra stood, prying herself from Adora’s arms, and turned herself around to sit facing her again. Adora did look like she was about to cry. Was it really that hard for her not to touch me? And she did it anyway. She cupped Adora’s face in her hands and put their noses together. “So take it off of me.”   
Adora swallowed hard. 

“Are you sure? The song isn’t over.” 

It was about to be in 5, 4, 3...”Yes it is.” It ended. Adora’s fingers ran up her thighs to quickly find the hem of the silk and pull it up over Catra’s head, exposing her burning skin to the cool air around them. That was as far as she’d planned to hold control. She let go and Adora made things happen fast after that. They stood together and the blonde pulled her in for the first real kiss that night, her hands going everywhere they weren’t allowed to before. 

“All this is for me…” the words were repeated, spoken to nobody, to herself, like it was so amazing to her. Idiot. Catra felt a swell of -well, a lot of things- but namely a kind of contentment that she couldn’t describe. Yes, all this was for Adora. And Adora was proud of that? All Catra could do was hold onto her girlfriend as the world shifted and they toppled onto the bed, Adora climbing quickly over her, still shaking, keeping her warm. No, making her hot. So hot. 

Catra pulled at Adora’s pants to signal that she wanted them off. Adora fumbled with the zipper and haphazardly kicked them off while Catra pulled her bandeau up. She immediately took to biting at Adora’s perfect hardened button nipples. They had to stop briefly for Catra to remove the little teeth prosthetics after she nearly broke skin on Adora’s breast, and her headband was annoying, but she was quick to lose them both. She wasn’t sure if it was really losing the costume or the soft way Adora’s eyes complemented her, but Catra felt less like a demon every second. 

By the time she lay back down, Adora’s hands were already massaging the insides of her thighs -which were embarrassingly wet at the top from waiting anxiously all day for this -and her mouth had set take turns torturing Catra’s chest, sending her reeling. She was already having to bite her lips and hold the headboard to keep from making noise. Well...to keep from making loud noise. It’s not like the walls were thin, but they’d tested it once and you could definitely hear moaning from down the hall, so the volume needed so stay at like a 3. 

When two of Adora’s fingers pressed into her, they both breathed together. “You’re so ready.” Catra just nodded, her face flushing slightly. “Shit.” Without warning, Adora pulled her up, slipping her fingers back out. 

“Wha-” 

“Sit on my face.” Catra gave a slow blink in response, trying to keep her eyes from rolling back at the thought, her eyebrow twitching. But before she could give a proper answer to the non-question, Adora was moving her, getting between her legs, and diving in tongue-first. 

Catra covered her mouth to stifle the surprised cry, but it got progressively harder to suppress as the pleasure got brighter. Adora had gotten very efficient at getting her off like this over the last couple months -lots of fast car sex before curfew. By the time she finally worked up the energy to lower her hand and caution the girl working underneath her -”A-dora...you’re just gonna make me tighter.” -she was already staring over the edge, ready to tumble down. All it took was a satisfied moan from Adora and a determined torrent of flicks to send her, insides tightening around nothing, hands pulling at Adora’s hair. 

Adora, clearly pleased with herself, got out from under Catra, who now felt like puddy in Adora’s hands. “That was the whole point.” She moved in for another string of kisses that trailed along her jaw and up to her ear. Catra could smell herself on Adora’s lips. The depth of her voice made Catra shudder. “I’m gonna stretch your pussy out, remember?” She whined as a possessive hand rested on the side of her neck, pulling her in. “Do you want that?” 

There was absolutely no point in lying. “Yes.” 

“Wait here.” If she wasn’t so fucking horny she would have laughed. It’s not like she would go anywhere else right now. Catra watched as Adora rifled through her closet to the very back corner where there she kept her sex box. From it she pulled a blue dildo that looked much bigger than she thought it was going to be -not exactly ‘massive’, but not small either. What, six inches? Seven? Would that even fit? She pushed the twinge of nervousness aside as she watched Adora step into the harness and fit the toy through the little circle in the front. It looked like she knew what she was doing...Catra didn’t know how it was even possible at this point -her body had to be incredibly dehydrated everywhere else -but the sight made her wetter. She’s going to fuck me with that. 

Adora clamored back into the bed, the toy bobbing slightly in its harness. It was like her eyes were pushing Catra back down onto the bed, asking her to spread her legs. Catra’s body did as it was told and Adora settled between Catra’s thighs, holding herself up with one hand and gripping the toy in the other. “Okay. I guess...here we go.” God, she's such a dork, I love her. Love her? Yeah. Holy shit...Fuck. Ohhhhh FUCK. I LOVE her.

Just as the mental panic was about the start, the head of the toy started to push its way inside her, causing her to forget all about it. All she could think about was the mass of sensations her body was feeling. Her arms instinctively grabbed Adora to hold onto something, but Adora clearly wasn’t prepared to be squeezed like that so she sort of collapsed, which only sank the toy deeper inside Catra, who then had to muffle her cry by biting Adora’s shoulder. “I’m sorry! Are you okay?” 

Catra took mental inventory. It didn’t hurt really -only at first. Something about it was mildly uncomfortable -no...wait...the longer they stayed like this, the more that seemed to go away, until... all that remained was a deep, full throbbing sensation. Catra released Adora’s shoulder so she could nod. “Yeah.” 

“I think...I...have to move my leg, I’m sorry.” Adora shifted, unfolding one leg that had been awkwardly pinned under her weight. When she did, it freed her hips to flatten against Catra’s, hilting the toy inside of her. 

“Ghn!” Adora’s naked body on hers felt so good, and they could kiss like this...Catra felt her insides clench around the toy as she throbbed. She was so full…

“Sorry! Did that hurt?” Stop apologizing. Catra shook her head, eyes closed now, trying to keep composure. If this is how it was going to be, she was NOT going to be able to stay quiet. They were done for. “What if I move like this?” Adora barely lifted her hips and Catra immediately pulled at her to get her back in, sending another ripple of pleasure all the way up to her chest, making her heart pound double time. She bit the back of her hand this time. “Do you like that?” Catra nodded quickly. She pulled halfway out this time, Catra arching after her. Then she leaned back in again. 

“Hoh huck!” The back of Catra’s hand couldn’t stop the words from escaping her open mouth. They couldn’t do this. She wasn’t going to be able to stay quiet. She couldn’t -’AH!” Adora started to move in and out, slowly -too slowly. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t keep her voice down, she needed Adora to move faster. 

Catra pulled her hand away, feeling spellbound. “More.” Adora moaned back at her in response and that was it. She was pushing and pulling Catra’s walls with the toy -all the way in, all the way out. Their bodies made a soft noise when they came together that rang in Catra’s ears and made her feel wild. She could tell Adora was trying to do it quietly and it was maddening. She wanted to be able to just let loose, not give a shit anymore. The hot pressure building inside her abdomen was going to drive her crazy at this pace -she just needed release and Adora was still somehow holding back. “Fuck me.” Don’t hold back. 

Adora sort of growled and, with no warning, pulled Catra’s legs over her shoulders, leaning over her. This way, it wasn’t just the fullness of depth, it was the angle. “Yes! God...fuck…” 

Adora’s face was strained with effort. “Shhhh.”

But Catra couldn’t stop. The toy was pressing against that spot. Her hands took turns tangling themselves in Adora’s hair and roaming her back. ”NNhg, yeah! Ador- hmnm”. One of Adora’s hands covered Catra’s mouth, which only gave her more leeway to get louder underneath it. Those cries were the only way to release the pressure, but she knew she wasn’t going to last much longer. Adora was thrusting harder and the deep pulling sensation in her belly had already started. The way her legs started to shake only seemed to spur Adora on to go faster. She couldn’t stop her eyes from rolling back and her tongue moved to taste Adora’s palm. Adora. I’m gonna fucking squirt. Adora. “Mhm!” Catra convulsed around the toy, unable to stop herself from shaking but too far gone to care. 

Adora let her legs down off her shoulders but didn’t stop thrusting, pushing Catra rapidly towards another climax. Catra willed her legs to lay flatter on the bed to give Adora more blissful room to move against her. The blonde lowered herself to elbows on either side of Catra’s head, removing her hand from Catra’s mouth -which was a mistake -to reach underneath and grab her ass. Catra bit her lip, but every thrust seemed to push a higher-pitched and more desperate cry from her throat. Adora didn’t try to shush her anymore -she was breathing hard too, just trying to keep the pace -the merciless pace. Catra’s nails scratched at Adora’s shoulders and back, and she whimpered in response, kissing Catra’s neck. 

“Do it again. Please.” What, squirt? I think I only do that shit once -thank God. “Cum again, Catra.” Oh, she was definitely doing that again. 

She surprised even herself with her response -she didn’t even know she could still talk. It was the voice of her subconscious, the primal part that was reactionary and obviously untamable in nature. “Make me.” 

A noise of frustration came from Adora’s throat and she brought her lips down on Catra’s to cover the gasp that immediately followed their hips slamming together. The spasms overtook her almost instantaneously. Adora’s name was the only thought in her head besides ‘I don’t think I can do it again’. Thankfully, Adora actually let her come down this time, slowing the mechanical motion of her pelvis to an eventual stop, letting Catra clutch her and shudder around the toy. Adora pulled out slowly and Catra whimpered, feeling horribly empty and a bit like a limp noodle. But she was given no time to protest. Adora had grabbed her knee and started to roll her over. “Adora...what are you...doing?” They were both panting. 

“Can we...do it from behind?” She likes doggy style? 

Without thinking, Catra somehow managed to push herself up on her knees, mind still thoroughly clouded, starting to feel again. She felt shaky and weak and wet. The sheet was fucking soaked under her. She felt her face burn red -she was so messy. Catra was glad she was facing away, but she also felt exposed this way. Adora could totally see her asshole like this...was she into that? She’d never said anything before…I mean, it’s not exactly on my to-do list but if she wants to...

Shaking fingers stroked the backs of her thighs and up to her hips. Jesus. The immediate tingling hit her like lightning. When did she get so sensitive? She REALLY felt it. Goosebumps rose on her arms and legs. Did Adora notice? Adora did it again, moving slower over her cheeks this time. Catra had the strangest urge -something she’d never given thought to before. From somewhere deep in her brain, the words ‘spank me’ resounded. She swallowed them down, surprised and irritated. 

What was she waiting for? Is she actually looking at my asshole? I’ve never even looked at my asshole. Fuck. What does my asshole look like? Catra was just about to tell her to put it in already when Adora’s palm gently tapped her ass cheek -she felt it in her toes. Then she did it on the other side a little harder. Catra’s body betrayed her and she whimpered, craving more. She heard Adora inhale sharply behind her and hoped that meant she would do it again, but she didn’t. Instead she waited. Waited for what? Catra’s body got impatient and her hips sort of wiggled. Adora did it again, a soft slap this time, almost like a reward. Catra shuddered. 

“Do you like that?” She bit her lip. Adora sounded different. Her voice was low and controlled and like she knew exactly what she was doing -like Catra was in trouble. It sent a thrill through Catra’s whole body. Stop talking, idiot. Just do it again, please. “Catra?” She hoped that if she just didn’t answer, Adora would figure it out and do it again. Smack. Harder this time -just hard enough to sting a little. Catra’s pussy twitched and her hand reached for a fitsful of sheets. Adora moaned behind her. “...’s so hot…”. She felt Adora’s fingers run gently over her back, her ass, down her thighs again. Catra ached. She needed it again...Fuck this. 

“Adora…” Was that her voice? She sounded pathetic. “H-harder.” Smack! Harder. Twitch. “Yes…” Smack! Catra moaned, unable to keep it in.

“Fuck...Catra…” 

Smack! “HNnnyes.” 

“You like this?” Whatever this was, this dynamic between them, it was thoroughly intoxicating. 

“Yes.” Her subconscious was taking over again. She gave up all control, all hopes of winning the game, all pride. She let the inner voices talk, whispering into the bed. “It makes me tight.” Adora leaned down and kissed where her hands had hopefully left their mark. The heat of her mouth made Catra jerk forward. Thoughts flowed freely from her brain out her mouth. “I’m so tight, Adora.” 

“What do you want me to do about it?” Twitch. Goddammit. Catra waited, trying to come up with something to say -a way to challenge her. She felt something cold pressing against her wetness and her body throbbed and betrayed her again. 

“Stretch my pussy out.” Fuck me, Adora. Please. The first push in was slow, but full, and it took Catra’s breath, wiping her mind of any and all thoughts that weren’t curses or Adora’s name. Every thrust after that was fast and hard, until Adora was pumping in and out of her in that mechanical fashion again. Catra’s other fist defiantly knotted itself in the sheet and she did her best to bite back the cries, but the sound their bodies made in this position egged her on, told her it was okay to be loud and dirty, because this was too fucking good. Adora still tried to shush her, even while it was her hands gripping Catra’s hips and pulling her back, her body slamming into Catra’s, her sexy voice causing flashes of violet and royal blue. 

“The pillow -bite the pillow Catra.” She tried, but her sounds still came through, getting louder and higher, breaking often. “Yes…” It was like Adora was actively TRYING to make her get loud. It felt like she was being carved out by this fucking toy, and she couldn’t hardly move except to squeeze harder with her hands -Adora’s grip on her hips was like a vice. She was actually getting loud-loud now, like way above a 5. They were going to get caught, but Catra couldn’t help it. SMACK! 

“HUCK! AHORA!” SMACK! Release came from nowhere, tearing through her body and rendering her utterly useless, her legs finally giving up and caved under her. But Adora simply collapsed on top of her, the toy still hilted, perpetually pressing. She adjusted herself but didn’t stop pumping in and out, and Catra just took it. Adora’s hands moved and her weight shifted,like she was trying to figure out on a better hold. Fumbling for any words she knew, any at all, Catra was going to tell Adora that she couldn’t keep her voice down anymore -they had to stop or take a break or something. She HAD to come down a little bit or-

Adora must have decided holding Catra was still the best way to go. She placed her hands on the very base of Catra’s lower back, pressing her down into the bed to keep herself up. The pressure increased three fold on that one fucking spot and every thrust felt like it made Catra’s whole abdomen ripple with heat. “NGH!” Adora’s hands were pushing her down, bouncing her against the bed and back onto the toy. She felt like a ragdoll. Catra couldn’t move and Adora was just casually rearranging her fucking guts. How the fuck was she supposed to stay quiet? All of her focus went into keeping her mouth shut, because she knew if any sound escaped, it would be in the form of a scream. 

“I wanna make you cum, Catra.” Adora was panting above her. “One more time. Please.” God, her voice. She sounded so desperate, almost as desperate as Catra was to NOT let this orgasm happen, because she WAS going to scream. 

“It feels like...you’re sucking on it…” Fuuuck. Stop talking. Please. Her voice was only making things worse. But it did feel like she was sucking on it...don’t think about it...Adora...“You’re so tight.” Goddammit, yes. “Please.” Stars danced across the backs of her eyelids and she bit the pillow harder. So tight. She was tensing everything, trying to hold on. Adora was just fucking her sensless against the bed -it was only going to end one way. Her breaths started to come in short, fast puffs. I’m so fucking tight. She was only vaguely aware of her legs starting to shake harder. She heard Adora one last time through the pleasure fog, encouraging her. “That’s it, Catra.” Fuck.. She knew by the way the colors changed that she couldn’t fight it anymore. Oh no. I can’t-

There was a rushing sound in her ears and her vision tunnelled to black. Everything just sort of stopped except for the pulse of euphoria. When she came to again, Adora was calling her name softly. “..ra...Catra?” Her nose and mouth were numb. She could barely move her fingers, now uncurled. She felt like she was laying in an actual puddle. Everything was so. Wet. Her walls were still clenching and unclenching around the toy. “Are you okay?” She nodded -or, tried to. Her throat burned. She totally screamed -at like a ten out of ten volume. Goddammit. 

“Catra?” 

“Mmhm.” 

Adora pulled out of her slowly, laying down half on top of her and pulling hair away from her face. Catra’s vision cleared up slowly as she took Adora’s concerned face in. Her beautiful, concerned face -pink cheeks and a bead of sweat by her temple -she was still breathing really hard. It was almost like she’d just run off the field. She worked so hard...

“Are you okay? Y-ou just screamed. I’ve never heard you do that before.”

Catra smiled lazily, trying to catch her breath against the pillow. She was sweating a little too, and that was definitely drool on the pillow. “Well you’ve never fucked me like that before.” 

“And then you just sort of stopped moving...” 

“I think I passed out.” 

Adora’s concern deepened. “Jesus. Are you okay?” 

Catra rolled herself into her side to face Adora -that was about all her body could do right now. “You keep asking that.” 

“Cause you haven’t answered me yet.” 

Touché. “If I thought I could keep from screaming, I’d ask you to do it again.” Adora smiled down at her and brushed sweaty hair out of her face. “How’s that for an answer?” 

Adora’s other hand trailed down to grab and knead her butt. “Yeah, me too. I mean. I’d do it again. I’d like to do it again, if I thought you wouldn’t scream…” it was so adorable when she rambled like this. “...not that I didn’t like it! That was...I mean if I knew you could do that, I probably would’ve-” 

Catra cut her off. “Did we wake anyone?” 

Adora paused and they both listened to silence throughout the house. “No, I don’t think so.” 

“Then it’s my turn. Take that off.” 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The needy rasp of Catra’s voice was something Adora would never be able to forget. The soft heat of her skin against Adora’s was burned into her memory forever, being naked against her like this, moving on top of her, moving with her. Catra was hers. She didn’t know it was possible to feel such desperation to possess somebody like this. While her legs were complaining and her arms were shaking from holding her up in that weird position, all she could think about was the need to push Catra just a little bit further -just enough. When Catra finally let go and screamed into that pillow, it was the best praise she could’ve received for her efforts. 

In the aftermath, Catra looks drunk on pleasure, her eyes waking up slowly to retrieve their usual mischievous glint. When Catra says ‘my turn’, Adora can’t tell if she’s more excited or terrified. She concludes that she feels a healthy amount of both. She does really want to get off...Between the feeling of their bodies together and Catra’s spine-tingling mewling, her body felt needy for attention. She steps out of the harness, trying to steady herself on tired legs as Catra’s eyes appraise her body. Suddenly, she feels self conscious. She wishes the light was out. Catra moves towards her, those smouldering eyes scorching Adora’s skin wherever they touch, causing her to lean against the wall for support as she closes in and Catra’s fingers trail up Adora’s sensitive hip to the underside of her breast. 

Then she sinks to her knees, keeping her eyes glued to Adora’s -a challenge hidden there: ‘watch me’. Her hands press against Adora’s stomach, holding her to the wall and Adora feels herself get tighter. Adora’s breath catches because she knows how good Catra’s tongue is going to feel. The thought alone is enough to make keeping her eyes open difficult, but she can’t back down from Catra’s stare yet. She opens her stance just enough for Catra’s face to fit snugly between her thighs, determined to keep her eyes open, but when Catra’s tongue deftly pushes inside her without warning, she permits herself a long blink before recovering. 

Catra’s tongue feels good, but the pleasure is still incomplete. Catra knows Adora needs pressure on her clit too, but she doesn’t give it. Not yet. Her tongue keeps working steadily until, finally, she rolls it over Adora’s clit and starts to rub little circles over it with a finger. Adora bites back a whimper. So close...but she KNOWS that’s not what I need. Catra’s eyes seem to smile in response, confirming Adora’s frustration. “You’re s-such a tease.” Catra raises an eyebrow and gives a couple up and down flicks that make the blonde’s insides tighten and twitch. THAT. That’s what I want. “Catra...please.” She goes back to useless circles, every once in a while giving Adora just a couple touches the way she likes, until Adora’s holding Catra’s hair and trying to grind her hips against her tongue. “...please?” 

Catra pulls away with Adora’s wetness on her chin, causing her cheeks to burn. “Get on the bed.” Adora thinks about staying, in need of faster relief, and just continuing to hold Catra there, knowing she would cave if Adora insisted. But she lets go and moves away, feeling Catra’s eyes on her again. For some reason, tonight she’s just a bit more unsure of herself than usual. Nevertheless, she sits down on the bed, waiting for Catra. “Spread your legs for me.” The rasp in Catra’s voice brings the goosebumps back but Adora can’t bring herself to do it. She feels exposed.

“Could we...turn out the light?”

Catra seemed almost offended. “No, I want to see you.” Adora swallowed, wondering how to explain the sort of anxiousness she was feeling. Catra’s expression softened and she started looking around the room. She reached down and picked her dress up off the floor and started folding it. Adora watched curiously. What is she doing? Finally, when it was one long, thin strip of fabric, Adora understood. Catra held it out to her. “Hold up your hair?” Adora looked at her and back down to the silk fabric -she’s trying to help. But will this actually help? Just because I can’t see her doesn’t mean she can’t see me... She picked her hair up and let Catra tie the makeshift blindfold on her. 

Everything was dark -it was disorienting. When she felt fingertips trace the length of her thigh, she nearly jumped. “Lay down, princess.” Catra’s voice continued to wreak havoc on Adora’s sanity. She pushed herself back onto the wet sheets which now felt kind of cold, making her nipples extra stiff as she lay down. Huh...she did feel a little bit better for some reason -less hesitant. 

The bed dips and she knows Catra is right there, watching her. Then she feels nails softly scraping against her skin, leaving fire behind and making her twitch. When did she get so sensitive. Catra’s finger is circling her breast, touching everywhere except the unfurled peak and it’s maddening. Her other hand has made its way to her inner thigh, kneading. “Spread yourself open for me and I’ll give you a reward.” Adora’s body responded for her, a shudder making its way down her spine. She swallowed. A reward? She thinks about it for a moment. Spread herself? Adora lets her legs fall apart, now very glad that she’s got the blindfold and can’t see herself. Nothing happens. She waits, still feeling slightly embarrassed. “Show me where you want me to touch you.” Again she hesitates. Show her? How? What does she want me to do? 

Adora gingerly slides her hands down to rest right where her thighs meet her torso -the flat spot, a firm plateau of muscle that Catra seems to love. Sure enough, Catra’s hands follow hers and take over, touching and teasing the sensitive skin there, but they don’t go anywhere else. Soon Adora gets restless. “I thought that’s what you wanted?” 

“No…” Adora feels her cheeks get hot as she moves her hand lower to cover her pussy. 

“Well why didn’t you say so?” She sighs when Catra’s fingers start to touch her, rubbing and massaging, but still not doing what she wanted, still not touching inside. 

“Catra…” 

“Adora.” She knew what smug-ass face Catra was making even without being able to see her. 

“Come on...touch me.” 

One finger got dangerously close, and then backed away. Adora’s hips chased after it with a whine. “I am touching you, princess.” 

“You know what I mean.” She tried to sound firm but her voice was so pathetic right now -so vulnerable. 

“I really don’t. Show me.” Adora hesitated once more, but only for a moment before her hands moved down again and she spread herself open for Catra -horribly embarrassed. She heard Catra take a breath. “Wow…” Wow? Wow what? Don’t stare…

Then she feels Catra’s weight shift and she moves over Adora so that she’s sitting right on her hips. Adora’s brain short circuits as her hands find Catra’s hips and she realizes how Catra’s sitting. ‘I’ll give you a reward’. Her brain reverts back to the same state it was in during that lapdance and her insides clench. Catra starts to rock back and forth, rolling her hips -Adora moans, holding onto her for dear life. She can feel how wet Catra still is, grinding down on her. She’s so fucking hot. I want her like this next time I use the toy. I need her like this. 

This feels way better than she thought it was going to. And then it gets better when Adora feels two fingers push inside of her and curl. Her back tries to arch off the bed to meet them but Catra’s weight holds her down -so that’s what that feels like. And this is just two fingers...no wonder Catra screamed…Soon the fingers are moving in rhythm with Catra’s hips on top of her and Adora’s whole body craves the release she’s quickly being pushed towards. She’s holding onto Catra’s hips, trying to pull them closer -thrusting her hips up, which only intensifies the feeling of Catra’s fingers inside of her. Every once in a while Catra does this thing and the way her ass wobbles just a little wipes Adora’s head of all coherent thoughts. She’s done a good job of holding back until now, but she’s so close and she needs Catra to move just a little faster…

“Catra...please...I’m- hmh!” Faster. Yes. She feels the last few coils of the spring tightening in her belly. “I’m so close…” 

And then...nothing. Catra’s fingers pulled out and she stopped moving over Adora. The realization hit her like a truck. Her voice came out soft and strained -she sounded so desperate. “N-no! Catra! Please?” Hell, she WAS desperate. “Catra…don’t tease me anymore...please…”

Catra shifts and turns around, pressing the length of her body against Adora’s and kissing her. Adora tastes herself on Catra’s tongue and gets embarrassed all over again thinking about how they must have looked against the wall...it was really hot, actually. Catra’s hands are playing with her breasts again -more teasing. Adora kicks one of her legs against the bed in frustration. Then she feels teeth gently bite her ear. “You want me to fuck you?” Adora just nods, and then Catra is gone and the space around her feels cold. She tries to listen to the rustling noises somewhere near by. 

Then she hears a noise that makes her body tingle with anticipation. Zzzzzzzzzz. She licks her lips. Catra grabbed the little vibrator. As the bed dips down again from her body weight, the little bullet gets pressed against Adora’s clit, startling her and hurdling her towards a climax. “Shit!” She has to bite her lips to keep from making other noise as Catra moves up and down, alternately applying pressure and movement. 

“Good girl.” Catra’s voice like this makes her feel crazy. 

She’s so close -so close...and then everything stops again. Adora feels like she’s about to cry, not bother to whisper anymore. “Wha-wait, Catra, no-” 

“Spread your legs again.” 

She feels Catra move closer. Their thighs brush together and Adora realizes that she must have the toy on. When something cold and hard presses against her, she jumps. “That’s cold!” 

“You’ll warm it up.” 

“What if I’m not wet enough?” 

She can hear Catra’s smile -her excitement. “Trust me, you’re wet enough.” She can feel Catra push slowly and discomfort quickly turns to pain as the toy sort of pops inside. Adora winces and inhales sharply, clutching at the pillow behind her head. Did Catra feel like this too? Oh my God, no WONDER she screamed? I was fucking drilling her with this? “Does that hurt?” 

Adora tries to keep her voice even. “Yeah.” 

“Relax babe. Try to relax.” 

She tried to focus on what she was feeling. There was a strange kind of pleasure mixed in there, but it was definitely mostly pain. “I’m...I’m trying.” 

Catra kept pushing and Adora had to stop her. “No, stop...I don’t think this is right.” 

Catra stopped, but she sounded disappointed. “What does it feel like? What can I do?”

“I dunno...it just...hurts.” 

“Where?” 

Adora tried to think about how exactly to describe it. The inside part was what felt all hot and kind of throbby -that wasn’t so bad. “The...opening? I guess. I don’t know? Like you’re forcing it a way it’s not supposed to go.” 

Catra tried shifting her weight a couple times above her. “No...ow, no, go back…” Then there was a relief of pressure and the sharp pain subsided. “THERE!” They both froze for a second and waited. 

“...can I try to put it all the way in now?” All the way in? She felt like she was stretched to capacity. How much more could there be? Adora nodded. It still wasn’t exactly comfortable, but the pleasure intensified as Catra’s body came down on hers. Oh. So just the tip was in before. It felt like it was all the way up to her stomach now, and she felt her muscles gripping the full length of the toy. 

She felt a hand touch the side of her face and Catra pulled the blindfold off. Thankfully, the room was still dark so it wasn’t much of an adjustment -but it was just light enough for Adora to see the look on Catra’s face. That soft look nobody else got to see. Mine. “Is that okay?” 

Adora nodded. “It feels okay, but it’s not exactly comfortable. I don’t think I would like it if you moved right now.” 

Catra nodded. “Let’s try something.” Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Adora’s walls clenched at the sound and it felt good -really good. Catra placed it in her hand. “Use this. I’ll stay right here unless you tell me to move.” 

She just nodded, her throat dry, and took the bullet. The second she touched it against her skin, she knew this orgasm wasn’t going to be easy to control. But she could do it. It was like the stimulation on her clit totally distracted from the stretching sensation, and all that was left was a deep throbbing sensation that pulsed throughout her whole abdomen. Before she even realized, her hips had begun to make tiny little motions, which she felt amplified inside her. “C-ha-tra?” 

“Yeah?” 

The plea was a quiet breath. “Move.” 

“Okay…” 

The toy scraped against her walls on the way out, and Catra had to adjust again for the first two stroke attempts because she wasn’t moving right, or it didn’t feel right at least. When she got it right though -one fluid roll of the hips to fill her back up -Adora’s free arm wrapped itself tightly around Catra’s neck and she moaned loudly, eyes closed, surprised by the intensity of the feeling. 

“Does that feel good?” She did it again and Adora’s world rocked. Her eyes closed and she closed her mouth before another sound could get out. She just nodded her approval. Breathe Adora, just breathe and keep it together. But Catra’s strokes only got more confident, and Adora’s insides got impossibly tight around the toy, refusing to let it go. The throbbing of her clit suddenly seemed to match the even pace and Adora didn’t even have a chance to prepare for the fall. Her stomach fluttered and she whimpered uncontrollable, choppy breaths into Catra’s ear. 

“H-holy shit.” She sort of laughs because her body isn’t sure what else to do. That was intense. The pleasure ebbs slowly and she feels less tight, just stretched enough to not feel pain. All that remains is the feeling of fullness and her body twitching somewhat spastically as Catra slows to a stop. “Can we try something?” Try something? I thought that’s what we just did. 

“Y-yeah.” 

“Roll on your side.” Adora looks at her again. “Trust me.” 

She complies, and they try to maneuver together so the toy can stay in. But then Adora is unsure of what exactly she was supposed to do. Just...lay here? I mean I guess that’s what I did before, so...She felt kind of awkward, like a tired lump, a big lump. For some reason she felt so much bigger than Catra right now, which usually was a good feeling, but not right now. Still, somehow Catra seemed to like it -like her, want her. She ran her hands over Adora’s waist, grabbing at her ass and her thighs, pulling their bodies together. The soft scrape of her nails was enough to nearly forget her insecurities. 

“I love how thick your pussy is…” Adora’s embarrassed but the words still touch her. She can tell by the depth of Catra’s voice and the way different-colored hungry eyes take her in that she means it, and that makes her feel good. 

When Catra starts to move this time, there’s no pain. Her body has gotten used to the size of the toy inside and all she feels now is how good Catra is at moving her hips in such a controlled way. She could push Adora to the brink and then reel her back in, without even trying. When Adora’s hips start to move on their own, they both know she’s done being teased. She’s been trying to keep control, to stay quiet and not move, but her body just won’t listen anymore. Catra’s staying deep, her hips slapping against Adora’s ass with fast but shallow strokes now, causing the ripples to start at the center and spread.

“Catra…” It’s the only word she can say, the only word she seems to know right now. Catra’s smell, the sound of her breathing, her hands gripping and playing. Catra everywhere, overloading her senses. Her whimpers grow in pitch and she feels pathetic but she can’t stop them from slipping out. The heat at her core isn’t taking the form of a spring like usual -this time it’s a tempest. It’s an unstoppable force, winds blowing all directions, building at a rate Adora knows she can’t keep up with. Even as she’s gripping the bedding and pushing back on Catra, she lets go. For once she lets go and the relief is blinding, causing her body to shake and stammer spastically. Catra whispers things in her ear while she comes down slowly. When she tries to start one more time, it’s uncomfortable and Catra pulls out carefully. They take the wet sheet off the bed so they can still go to sleep dry-ish -just sweaty and satisfied, tangled up together. 

Adora thinks about how perfect this is. She wouldn’t have wanted this anyone else -couldn’t have trusted anyone else like this. Catra is the only one. Catra is her person -THE one. She can feel it in her bones when they’re together. It was time to start thinking about how exactly to go about telling her that, and how to go about talking to other people about the fact that they were together. She was getting sort of tired of hearing people talk about how hot Catra was and how they know somebody who knows somebody who wants to fuck her. I’M fucking her. ME. I get to have Catra. 

She lays awake and listens to Catra breathing, feeling her skin, touching her hair. She would make things better for Catra -get her away from home somehow. She would. If she was able to take Catra with her to school, then they could live together still and just be happy. They could go back to sleeping together like this every night, eating together and telling stories, laughing. Catra had the best laugh. Adora wanted to hear that laugh every day until she died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may want to re-read the beginning of the next chapter at some point as well, that will likely get changed today (8/05)


	25. Just the Way It Is.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'Midnight' Chapter is out! (The previous one, 24). The beginning of this one is changing slightly, but otherwise we're back on track to heartbreak. Buckle up fam.

Catra felt thoroughly claimed when she woke up the next morning, still tangled up with Adora in a mess of soft naked limbs. With no school or soccer or cheer, there was nothing to pull them from each other too early and they woke up slowly. It took a few slow blinks and a gentle stretch of the legs for Catra’s body to remind her of everything that happened last night -every kiss, every cry, every thrust. Oof, she was definitely feeling the trusting...were vaginas even supposed to be sore? She was totally sore. Everything she had, she gave to Adora, and she took everything Adora gave her in return. The top sheet was balled up and on the floor -that definitely needed to get washed -and their clothes were all over, except for Catra’s dress. Catra’s insides gave a residual throb remembering how sensitive Adora was. . 

She brushed a strand of golden hair away from the blonde's sleeping face. Smooth skin over a strong jaw, soft kissable lips, and faintly pink cheeks under long eyelashes, She’s so perfect. Too perfect. Catra’s hand slid slowly down to Adora’s chest, resting briefly between her breasts to feel her heart beat, and then down to her navel. She looked amazing last night in that outfit. It drove Catra mad when she showed off her abs, and the pants were just tight enough on her ass. Mmm. And then the pants came off...It was insane how self-conscious she could be sometimes. Last night, when it was her turn, she had been so confident -so sure with every touch -but then when Catra got to touch...poof. It’s exactly why hearing Adora say her name like that gripped her heart so tightly, because Catra was the only person she would let see her like this, touch her like this. Her pleas were the sweetest music -all pastel colors of passion. Watching Adora stutter and fall apart, gripping the bed helplessly was the most beautiful thing Catra had ever seen. 

It was a different level of satisfying even compared to making her squirm and whine during the lap dance beforehand. Jesus, why hadn’t she ever done that before? Adora had never been that wound up and vocal before -not even during sex. It was like she couldn’t help herself. She was just a slave to whatever way Catra’s body chose to move over her or in front of her. She was definitely going to do that again. Maybe this Thursday? They could celebrate. Catra had a list of things she wanted to try with this new toy -she might as well tack ‘lap dance’ on the end of it. 

But they wouldn’t have a chance this week, or the next. When she finally returned home that evening, her mother was a holy terror. She said she was merely a few hours short of calling the police to track her down and find her. Catra felt her stomach turn because she knew her mother would do it. Her curfew got stricter and so did the punishment. She was ‘grounded’ for two weeks, which really meant that she couldn’t leave the house other than to go to school and cheer, which her mother despised. She came home five minutes late, and the next day, Catra found that her bike was gone. Her mother said she would only be permitted to come and go by her. 

Catra felt a lot of things -anger, fear, a little despair, apathy - and she wasn’t sure which of them she was supposed to let herself feel, so she tried to not feel any of them. But she could still feel her mother’s paranoia rubbing off on her slowly, feeding into her own anxiety and insecurities like an undetectable poison. You could only be told that you were dirty and unclean so many times before the message started to sink in. But that also didn’t make sense. Catra didn’t give a shit what her mom thought of her -she didn’t even really feel like her real mother. She was a prison guard -and this house was a prison. Why should anything she has to say bother her? Even though the house was kept much cleaner than it ever had been before, something about it still felt dark and dingy, and the crosses on the walls seemed to whisper harrowing things.

Her mother was a sick woman, out of touch with reality from years of drug abuse and whatever hollowness she’d tried unsuccessfully to fill with it. Catra could still see it in her eyes -there was no life there. Again, why did she care? A small voice in the back of her head occasionally reminded her, ‘it bothers you because she has legal control over you for another two years’. It was true. It was completely unnerving to think that this woman, who spent the first 15 years of Catra’s life pretending she didn’t exist except to use as something to blame for shit, now actually WANTED to try and control her life to fit her warped little story about becoming a better person and a better mother. Bullshit.

Her only saving grace was Adora. But they didn’t get to see each other for two weeks. And when they did, they had to be careful. For the most part, they were. But one day, even though Catra told her not to pick her up on her block, Adora was waiting just three houses down. Her mother had somehow seen her get into the car. She got her knuckles wrapped with a wooden spoon, and then...nothing. She was sweet as can be. It was sickeningly suspicious, but Catra wasn’t about to ask for more punishment. Then, about a week later after school, she came to find out why. Her mother sat her down in front of her computer screen, paused on a fuzzy silent video of...her room? What the fuck? This was camera footage of her room.

“What-” 

“Watch.”

A feeling of revulsion crawled under her skin as she watched herself on the screen strip down and dance at double speed. She’d been taking a video on her phone for Adora. Her breaths quickened as she watched herself lay on the bed with Adora on the phone. Catra felt sick as her hips undulated on the bed, touching herself on tape. She fucking watched this? She recorded it and watched it. Catra felt like she was going to throw up and then burn the house down. She was furious and mortified in a way she didn’t even know was possible.

“What were you-” 

“Not only have you deliberately disobeyed me-” 

They were speaking over each other, getting louder. “...doing with a camera in MY ROOM. It’s-” 

...but you’ve been flagrant in your tresspasses and -”

“MY FUCKING ROOM. MY SPACE!” 

“There WILL BE NO MORE. DO NOT SWEAR IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!” Catra had stood up, breathing heavily at the estranged woman in front of her. The woman she looked nothing like -thankfully. “I will not have a whore in my home. I didn’t raise you to be this way.” 

Snap. The thin mask of indifference she’d been trying desperately to maintain couldn’t hold another second, not after this. “YOU DIDN’T FUCKING RAISE ME AT ALL, YOU DERRANGED BITCH!”

Her mother’s face turned an odd reddish-purple hue and she slapped Catra, hard. “Gary, please.” 

She didn’t have time to bring a hand to her stinging cheek. Without warning, two larger hands grabbed her arms from behind. “What the fuck? GET OFF of me!” 

“Be quiet! You have no one to blame but yourself.” Her mother patted her sides down while she struggled and Catra realized with horror what she was looking for. She pulled the cell phone from the top of Catra’s leggings, making her panic. All the messages, the pictures, the voicemails -Adora. Her private life. The one and only good fucking thing in her private life. She didn’t want her mother to know anything about it. She threw her head back against Gary’s face, which didn’t feel good, but she knew it hurt a whole hell of a lot more for him. He let go and she immediately snatched the phone, smashing it as hard as she could against the corner of the table to erase all evidence. Then she threw it on the floor, screen shattered beyond repair. 

Her mother gasped and stared wide-eyed. “How DARE you! You-”

“Fuck you.” Catra walked out before either of them could grab her. Then she jogged. Then she ran. She ran until she couldn’t breath because her throat was too tight, and she just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t live there anymore. She couldn’t do it another day, another second. She walked the rest of the way to the Ether’s house, fighting her tears and fighting herself in the crisp air. Razz opened the door.

She didn’t look a bit surprised. Nothing ever seemed to surprise her. “Catra, darling. Are you alright?” That’s all it took. The dam broke and the tears flowed freely. “Oh, oh, oh. Come here.” She held Catra there in the doorway for a few moments and let her cry. “You come inside and tell me all about it.” 

It took time, which Razz freely gave her. It was nothing like being at home. She could breath. She had her own space and her own thoughts and she could just be. No expectations. No strange fixations on her inescapably ‘sinful’ mortal soul. “I-I can’t do it Razz. I can’t stay there. It’s terrible.” 

The gentle older woman set a hot cup of cocoa down in front of her. “You want to tell me what happened?” 

Not really. I’m dating your daughter and my mom recorded us having phone sex. Yeah...can’t really say that. “She’s...she’s so crazy. She took my bike so she could drive me everywhere. It’s like, like I’m suffocating. I’m barely allowed to leave the house, but when I’m there, I can’t...I can’t DO anything.” Can’t listen to music. Can’t read. Can’t write. Can’t dance. “It’s like she wants me to just exist like some freaky little doll on a shelf.” Catra could hear her mother call her kitten and it made her shiver. “Like a pet. I can’t do it.”

Razz placed her hand over Catra’s arm and sighed. “Yes, a life like that does take all the beautiful colors out of the world, doesn’t it? I’m terribly sorry, love.” How could she know? How did she know that’s how the world had been since she’d gone back? 

“What am I going to do?” 

Razz smiled, the corners of her warm eyes crinkling. “Well, for starters, you’re going to help me eat some of this pie, and then I suppose you could use a nice hot bath. We can figure the rest out in the morning, together.” More tears fell. “Adora will be thrilled to see you, I’m sure.” 

There was something there in her voice, something suggestive. Did...did Razz know about them? She couldn’t, right? They were so careful. They never so much as held hands outside their room unless they were completely alone. Catra shrugged the thought away when a warm piece of apple pie topped with ice cream was set in front of her. Her body was physically relieved to just be here. Razz’s off-key humming in the background was soothing. This whole house was soothing. 

The bath was just as healing. She didn’t realize how much she needed it. At home, her mother didn’t let her take more than seven and a half minutes in the shower. Her bath lasted forty. Kyle and Lonnie both came out of their room to talk with her for a little bit. God, they grew up. How had she not noticed? Catra reminisced about the days when they were little and she could toss them around. Eh, she could still maybe toss Kyle around. But Lonnie was playing Lacrosse now and they were both stupid smart, just like Adora, and they loved their school and their friends. This was a very happy home. Catra couldn’t help but feel like, as much as she loved it, she just didn’t fit in here. She just brought them down. 

Adora got home late, as expected. Catra had meant for it to kind of be a nice surprise -she was all clean and wearing nothing but one of Adora’s jersey’s -but the second Adora wrapped her arms around her, Catra dissolved into tears against her will. The blonde kissed her cheeks and her fingertips -so softly -just holding her protectively. “Let me in, Catra…” 

It took time for her to be able to speak again. “My mom put a camera in my room.” 

“What?”

“She had footage of me taking videos for you -masterbating.” 

Adora’s hand squeezed her shoulder slightly. “...fuck…” 

Catra nodded. “She tried to take my phone. I broke it. She’d send me to boarding school or some shit. I can’t go back, Adora. I can’t.” 

“Maybe...maybe you don’t have to. At least, not tonight. You can stay here as long as you’re able.” As long as you’re able. She knew it was meant to be a comforting sentence, but it just wasn’t. If anything, the feeling of shadows closing in on her only worsened. Even being here in Adora’s arms didn’t make a difference -she would have to go back eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. Adora pulled her head away and lifted Catra’s chin so their eyes could meet. “Hey, we’re together now. It’s going to be a good night. Trust me.” Ocean blue. Adora was ocean blue. She was pure and honest and reliable to the core. Catra did trust her. 

And it was a good night -the best she’d had since Halloween. They played the Top Gun drinking game with hot cocoa in place of beer, and Adora took them to the park to use the swings, and then star-gazing in the big meadow, and when they finally went back just after one, Catra gave herself to Adora again, and again, and again. It was painfully difficult to keep quiet, even though they knew everyone else was asleep. It was different than the last time with the toy -more comfortable but every bit as desperate. The scratches she left on Adora’s back were proof of that. This time was different because there were no reservations whatsoever, no hesitating, no asking questions -they were totally in tune to what the other needed without talking. Catra wouldn’t be caught dead saying it, but she knew what they did that night was make love, if that was a thing that existed and not just made-up, sappy bullshit in old lady romance novels. But...nothing about what she felt for Adora was made up. It was all raw and real and too much to handle most days. 

The next morning, Adora slept in with her -she never did that. Razz didn’t wake them, but she did juice them some fruit. When they finally lumbered downstairs, Lonnie and Kyle had already gone to school. Adora had prepared a speech to give to Razz about doing what’s right and making sure Catra was taken care of. When she finally worked up the nerve to tell her mom that she had to skip school today, Razz cut her off two words in.

“Oh, Adora, honey you look terrible.” She’d hardly even looked at Adora. “Catra you too. I’ll call the schools and tell them you’re both sick.” Sick? “You’re not going today. No, you need to get well.” The two looked at each other, knowing damn well they were fine -Razz knew it too. She couldn’t hide the glint in her eyes before she turned to go get the phone. Catra willed the happy tears to stay away. I fucking love this family. 

It was a perfect leisurely day, full of lazy snuggles and games and laughter, but she knew it would end. It always had to end. The cops showed up later that night. Razz answered the door. 

“Can I help you, officer?”

“We received a call from a woman who believes her daughter has run away here?” 

“I see. And...if I said that were true, would you have to take her back?” 

The man with dark hair nodded. “Unfortunately, in this state, it is illegal to hide runaways, Ma’am. I’m going to have to ask that you turn her over to me.” Adora gripped her hand tighter, but neither moved from behind the wall. 

Catra felt the room getting smaller. “Girls, come here please.” Razz called to them softly. 

Following Adora’s lead, they stepped out from behind the wall and stepped closer. Razz opened the door so that the officer could see them. His dark eyes took them in curiously. “She-she shouldn’t have to go back. It’s terrible there.” Adora’s voice wavered slightly. If Adora wasn’t going to cry, then Catra wasn’t going to cry. She willed her fear to turn to anger instead, to protect her from the inevitable. “We’re her foster family. She should be able to stay with us -to be here!” 

The policeman hesitated, and then leaned in towards Razz. He spoke softer. “Even if that’s true, and I believe you, the best I can do is get a social worker involved. They’ll be able to get the ball rolling with the family court.” As softly as he spoke, the words still stung. “She’s 16. I have to take her back or to a shelter tonight. If there’s no imminent threat at home, taking her there is the lesser of two evils.” 

Catra scoffed and turned her head away. Kyle and Lonnie came in from the other room. “What’s...going on?” 

“Catra, are they here for you?” 

“Why?” Because my life fucking sucks. Because I don’t belong here. 

“You just got here.” 

Razz turned and asked one of them to fetch a pen and paper. Then she turned back to the man in blue. “I’ve already called her social worker. I’m just waiting for a response now. This is her name and number -she’s been working with Catra since she was a child.” 

“I see.” 

“We’ve been through this before. It just seems like...things have hit a breaking point.” 

The man nodded again, slower -furrowing his bushy eyebrows. “I know this isn’t easy. I’m sorry. But...I have to take her back.” 

“I understand.” 

Adora’s grip doubled. “I don’t! Why?! Why can’t she just stay?” Adora, please. Stop. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. 

The cop chewed his lip. “That’s just the way it is.” Catra laughed inwardly. Yeah, that’s just how it was. How it always would be. 

“Well we can CHANGE how it is. Isn’t that your job?” 

He spoke to Catra softly. “I’m going to have to ask you to come with me.”

They all said goodbye -Adora and Kyle cried. Razz kissed the top of her head and that was hard. The world was fading to dark colors, but she still felt the warmth she was leaving behind as she stepped outside and walked solemnly to the police car. She had to ride in the back like all the other criminals did. It was strange, not feeling particularly out of place in the small awkward space for the duration of the ride home. Yes. This is just how life is.


	26. Damned Either Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra both try to adjust to life together again but...it's not quite the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "midnight" chapter y'all were so thirsty for is up now! I made that chapter 24. 25 is now the sad stuff with Catra's mom.

The next three months were terrible -the worst time she’d ever had. Adora couldn’t even imagine what things were like for Catra. Well...she could imagine, because Catra told her about it, but she didn’t cry hardly at all, which was almost eerie. She had become more distanced -no doubt to cope and avoid getting absolutely wrecked emotionally while being at home. Adora didn’t blame her in the slightest but she had to admit that it did make things harder. Even the sex was rough -literally -like it was her way to vent frustration and anger, which Adora would happily do for her, but she did miss being able to touch her slowly and take her time. 

They got her a new phone, but she could only use it at school, and she had to be incredibly careful about how she hid it at home, but otherwise she openly rebelled against her mother, continuing to go to cheer and occasionally taking her bike places she wasn’t supposed to go. Adora was at her beckoned call. She would take her anywhere any time of the day or night and stay as long as they could before her mother called the police. Sometimes they waited just too long and she did. She really did call the police. At one point, she tried to file a restraining order against Adora, like she was some kind of threat, but the judge wouldn’t sign it because Catra spoke up and told them what was really going on. Thankfully, they listened. 

It was exhausting trying to balance everything and keep Catra afloat, but she had to. What else could she do? Besides, the year was almost over and then summer would be here and she would be able to just be with Catra again. Well...except for select league practices and games, and SAT prep, and visiting colleges. It made her nervous how closed off Catra seemed to get whenever they talked about college. Adora still hadn’t brought herself to finally ask Catra to just come with her. Realistically, she didn’t think Catra could go without her unless they were like...married. She didn’t hate that thought, putting a ring on Catra’s finger...Then again, it’s not like they would break up just because Adora went off to school, even if Catra didn’t come with. They could totally do long distance -they already did it for so long now. It wouldn’t be that bad. They just had to get Catra out of that god awful house.

After three months of phone calls and long nights and endless stupid paperwork, they finally had their day in family court. Catra’s social worker had told her that even though she was a minor, and her mother wouldn’t emancipate her, Catra could write a letter expressing her desire to live under the guardianship of somebody else. Adora helped her get thoughts on paper and edit, but it was very well done and she was surprised at how open Catra was. 

It wasn’t an emotional event per say, but maybe tense is the right word. Everyone there except for Catra’s mom seemed to be in agreement that Catra shouldn’t be in her care. But it was probably the world’s biggest relief when the judge looked at Catra dead in the eye and said, “Rayna Ether is now your legal guardian until you come of age. This court is dismissed.” Smack. The gavel hit the table. It was done. Catra would be staying with them -for good. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..........................................................................................

They celebrated for a week. Razz let them have a big party with all their friends -Kyle got sloppy drunk for the first time ever and it was hilarious -and every night after that they had a big dinner together with Catra’s favorite foods. God, it was...indescribable to be back. And Adora. She had Adora, every night, all to herself. But something wasn’t quite right. It was like the shadows followed her -the paranoia never completely faded, and ever since the court hearing, everyone seemed to be watching her a bit too closely. Or, at least, closer than before. Then again, maybe they weren’t. She couldn’t tell. Maybe they were all really just that excited for her -why she had no idea. 

It was probably just because everyone was asking Adora what she was going to do, and Catra was always right there next to her, and it would be too awkward to just not ask Catra. That was probably it. Nobody really thought she would go anywhere or make anything of herself. Well, nobody except Adora, whose head was so far in the clouds she had no idea where the ground was. Catra used to think that was why they worked so well together, but more and more recently she’d begun to feel like maybe that meant they weren’t good for each other at all -they saw things too differently. 

Adora was graduating this year with her diploma and AA. It seemed like every time somebody had a conversation with her, they would ask what colleges she was applying to. She was applying to five -two private and three state schools. It didn’t matter where she went though, she was going to do well anywhere. Adora seemed to sort of skirt around the subject whenever they were together, which she was secretly thankful for. She didn’t want to have to deal with that right now, deal with the fact that she didn’t have any plans and Adora was leaving. She knew she had to graduate from high school, but she really didn’t like school so the idea of going to college sucked ass. But that could be a problem for future Catra, right? Right now she could just be with Adora -mostly. 

Even though it was summer, Adora was studying even more than she did during the school year, and she put even more pressure on herself than usual to do well on the field, even though she really didn’t have to. She still stood out -fast, powerful, agile. She was trying to save money to pay for school so she got a second part time job working as a barista in the early mornings. Catra felt like she didn’t get to see Adora any more than she did before and it blew. At least she was free to hang out with her friends again now that she was away from her psycho mother. 

Xavier, Reggie and Entrapta graduated, but they were all just hanging around for the summer. Well, Entrapta was, at least. Reggie was talking about moving down south in a renovated van, which was completely unsurprising, and Xavier was hoping to move in with one of his older brothers and his girlfriend. Catra knew that meant he was probably getting sucked further into all the gang shit, but there’s nothing anyone could really do. He had to want something different for himself bad enough to take a stand. The problem was, he couldn’t do ‘something different’ if he was dead so...it was a toss up either way. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. Catra could relate to that feeling.


	27. So Close, but Yet So Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra is slowly starting to pull away more. Adora is trying to hold them closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

As the school year started, Catra seems to be, not necessarily in a bad mood all the time, but in a bad head space. She was moody and seemed almost stressed, like she was anxious about something. Adora had since stopped asking because it would only frustrate her more and the conversation would snowball into an argument. So Adora tried to distract her more often, text her more often -and it worked but it was a bit taxing. But then when they were together and Catra was really just present in the moment, everything was great -they were meant to be together. It could still be sort of...isolating though. She hadn’t even noticed how little time she was spending with other people until they started calling her out on it. Somebody even asked if her and Catra were dating and she said no. She hated lying but they still hadn’t told anyone, so…she had to, right?

They stiill haven’t talked about what’s going to happen at the end of the year when Adora goes to school. She’d done the early application for all of the schools she applied to, three of which already got back to her and said she’d been accepted. She’s pretty certain she’ll get into the other schools too, which is good because it means she’s got options -three in-city and two the next smaller towns over. One night, she finally manages to bring it up.

They’re naked and sharing warmth in the otherwise cold room, holding hands. Catra has her head on Adora’s chest and even though they’re just as intimate as they always are, there seems to be space between them and that’s incredibly unsettling to Adora. She tells Catra that she’s been thinking a lot about it and she wants to know which school Catra thinks she should go to. Everyone else seemed to have opinions except for her. 

Catra’s quiet for a moment. Adora just lets her think. She’s examining their hands together -fingers entertwined perfectly. “I wish you could just stay at the community college.” The softness of her voice tells Adora she’s sad and Adora feels a twinge of guilt. But Catra didn’t have to be sad. They would be okay. It would all be okay. 

“Hey…” Adora kisses her forehead. “...you and I can make this work, no matter what. Whatever happens, we can handle it. You know that right?” She cranes her head to look into Catra’s eyes, which seem to harden. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. I won’t apologize. It’s true. Still, she thinks she needs to try something else to cheer her up. 

“Do you know what Kyle did the other day?” 

It worked. They talked and talked, and Catra was out of whatever dark headspace she was in. She was Adora’s -for hours. But they were up so late that Adora actually slept through her alarms and her first class, in which there was an exam. She had to do two whole makeup projects in order to earn ‘extra credit’ back to make up for part of the lost points, but it would still impact her grade. She didn’t tell Catra that part. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….........................................................................................................................

Catra can’t help herself. She always feels on edge and like she’s always doing the wrong thing. So...she might as well do the wrong things that actually do something for her. She starts smoking occasionally again when her nerves are extra bad. She goes to Lauren’s when she knows Adora will be busy and takes her first line. She gets her doubles pierced and an industrial, and barely says no to getting a tattoo on her forearm. Catra heard Adora’s voice -her responsible voice -saying ‘it will make you less employable’. Tsh. So? I don’t wanna work for a place that judges people by the tattoos on their skin anyways. 

But everyone was asking her what she was going to do this summer and next year. They wanted to know what she was going to do without Adora. Catra didn’t have the answer. She’d be angry. She’d be sad. What did they want from her? They wanted to hear that she was going to get a job and work really hard to go to college. Well fuck that. She didn’t want to go to college, so her grades didn’t matter, and there weren’t any jobs around here that she’d want to work. It was all bullshit. Not everyone was perfect like Adora. Catra certainly wasn’t. That’s why it sucked so much whenever Adora tried to bring it up. She was so painfully lovey and optimistic -it hurt. This was the real world, where people were ugly and did shitty things to each other, and Adora didn’t get it. 

Adora lived in the clouds and Catra was so far down below, half dug into the ground that she never saw one shred of evidence that there was really anything up there, so how could she be expected to believe all of it? That everything would ‘just work out’? No. Faith in things you can’t see was her mother’s shtick, not hers. Faith was for people who needed something to hold onto to make them feel better. Adora was too soft for the real world, but Catra wasn’t, because she was part of what made it so ugly sometimes. Adora deserved better -so much better. But her and her stupid savior complex. She thought she could change Catra, help her? Sorry, princess. Take me or leave me. 

Catra tried to force that decision. She pushed Adora away and lashed out. She gave Adora opportunity after opportunity to leave her, to say ‘enough’, to walk away. But Adora always stayed, chose her, supported her -no matter the cost. When she missed that exam, Catra knew it was a big deal. She felt horrible because she knew it wasn’t the first time something like that had happened where Adora couldn’t finish an assignment or didn’t do something because she was with Catra, trying to save her from herself. Adora was too selfless. 

Catra was the opposite and she knew it -she knew she was like a parasite, leeching Adora’s time and energy but she just didn’t know what else to do. Adora was the only person who calmed her and made her feel better. Xavier and Reggie and Entrapta were all gone this year. Lauren was graduating at the end of this year too, so she’d be the only one left next year. She already felt so alone most of the time. Adora was really her only person. She even resorted to talking with Kyle the other day.


	28. If You Love Me Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why, Catra?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(((((((((( You guyyyyyyys. This hurts me to write. Goddammit.

Catra has been pulling away emotionally, Adora can feel it -just like she did when she was a kid. Every time Adora tries to ask about it, they blow up and it becomes a fight. She’s acting out and she’s skipped class a couple times that Adora knew of -probably many more times that she didn’t know about. Adora just didn’t understand. Why won’t she just talk to me? Really talk? They talked all the time, but never about whatever it was that was driving a wedge between them. Instead of being happy, they were...content, just content, to be in each other’s company. And when they got physical they sure as hell weren’t talking. They were too busy biting and sucking and leaving little hickies all over where nobody would see but the other. 

But graduation is coming up fast and senioritis has kicked in HARD. Adora has been accepted into all of the colleges she applied to, which she had somewhat expected, not necessarily in a cocky way. She almost wished she’d only made it into one. Then the choice would be made for her -she wouldn’t have to suffer through the tens of different lists of pro’s and con’s for each, the charts, the statistics. Now it was to the point where she felt like she could give tours for each of the schools without ever having gone because she knew all about them, but it still didn’t make the decision any easier. What if she didn’t like it there? What if her teachers were horrible? What if her living situation got ugly? What if she didn’t make any friends? What if something happened to the scholarships halfway through? None of them were cheap. And Catra...Catra was a whole new layer. 

Maybe she could just wait. She’d thought about that. She could wait for Catra to graduate and then they could go together. People take gap years, right? That was a thing. It was true, she didn’t know exactly what she wanted to do. She just knew that she really enjoyed her civics and law class at the community college. Her plan was to get a pre-law degree wherever she went. There was a pretty clear choice insofar as her options were concerned. Arksia University had the most prestigious pre-law program that was sure to get her into law school. The only problem was that it was the furthest away -in Mystacor. Catra seemed to hate that option the most, but everyone else thought she should just go for it. 

“Follow the money, sweetheart.” Lauren was sitting back, examining her freshly painted nails. Sam and Becca were next to her -an unusual sight. Catra and Adora rarely got their friends together in the same place, but it was nice every once in a while. They all got along okay. 

“Yeah, if you go to Arksia, you’ll definitely come out making bank as a lawyer. That’s where all the really rich people send their kids. You could make hella connections.” 

Sam made a gesture with her hands, raising her eyebrows. “Yeah, co-nect-tions. All those pretty boys.” Catra scoffed from the floor. 

Adora threw a couch pillow at her and it glanced off, nearly bumping Lauren’s rock-steady hand. “Watch it!”   
“Let’s face it, you’re gonna need to make good money so you can support Catra’s champagne tastes.” Yes. That’s exactly what Adora wanted -to give Catra the world, everything she deserved. “God forbid she pay her own way for once.” 

“You’d better get a bigger suitcase if you want to fit her inside of it.” 

They were all just joking, but Adora watched their words change Catra there on the floor, as if they soaked up into her skin. She looked miserable. Is that what all this has been about? Is she just feeling insecure about herself? Does she think I’m leaving her? 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………............................................................................................

Things just seem to be getting worse. More questions. More people demand answers from her that she doesn’t have, because she doesn’t know, because she doesn’t have a future. Not like Adora does. But the truth of it all rears its ugly head one morning on spring break when she overhears Adora and Razz in the kitchen. 

“...isn’t the deadline to let them know coming up this week, love?” 

Adora is hesitating. “Yeah...but I just feel...I dunno...stuck, I guess.” 

“I thought you were really interested in the pre-law program at AU?” Catra clenches her jaw at the name. So far away...unreachable, untouchable…

“I am...but I was also thinking…” Adora stops. 

“Thinking?”

Adora gives a heavy sigh that seems to place a weight on Catra’s shoulders, even from up the stairs and around the corner of the wall. “I’ve been thinking that the community college does technically offer a pre-law associate’s degree, and -” 

Catra’s heart drops. Those words should make her feel elated, ecstatic, but they bring her further down. She can tell by the tone of voice that Razz is removing her glasses and making a quizzical face. The knowing face -the face that answers its own questions. “Adora, dear, you just got your associate’s. Isn’t the next logical step to get a Bachelor’s degree?” 

“Right but-” 

“Why would you stay and get another AA?” 

Adora was fumbling. “Well...because I really want to make sure that this is what I want to study, and so it would make the most sense to do sort of a trial...so I don’t go somewhere and hate it...and I, I mean, I really liked my law class there so…” 

“Sweetheart, look at me. I know you’re scared of change, and that’s okay, but you can’t let that fear rule…” 

Catra stopped listening. She’d heard enough. Adora was doing it again -sacrificing herself for Catra. Her education, her future - all of it could be going down the drain because Adora just couldn’t help herself. Catra was so pathetic that she just couldn’t stop from offering to give it all up just to stay a little bit longer. She should be happy. It should make her feel good to know somebody would do something like that for her, but she knew she didn’t deserve it and, more importantly, she knew Adora deserved more. Catra finally understood that she would never be anything but a burden to Adora, who was naive and blind to see that for herself. And bless her inescapable selflessness, Catra knew Adora would sacrifice her happiness every. Single. Time. 

How many times had she already done it? How many times had she done crazy things at odd hours of the night and early hours of the morning just to make Catra smile for a moment? A single, stupid moment. How many times had she put her reputation on the line for her? Lied for her? How much time had she given up with other friends just to be with her? Catra had made her life hell the last few months -maybe even longer -and she still tried with unwavering affection. Catra would just keep hurting her, keep bringing her down, prevent her from reaching her full potential. In this one moment of clarity, Catra decided she would do something good for once in her life, something selfless, something for Adora and Adora alone. She had to end this.


	29. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra runs away :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.

Adora’s classes had ended, which left the last week before graduation just to focus on seeing friends and saying goodbye to teachers she liked best, and fixing things between her and Catra. She had decided to go to AU, but she was determined to show Catra that they would be just fine, if they could just talk about things. Today was the first day she was going to be home early and she wanted to surprise Catra, so she stopped by the store to pick up a flower bouquet. After all, nothing says ‘I love you’ like beautiful flowers. Well, except the words themselves, which, of course, Adora was also going to actually say out loud today. She’d been waiting for a better opportunity when things got back to normal, but she realized that even when they were fighting, it didn’t change how she felt about Catra, so why shouldn’t she still say it? Three little words -that’s it! 

She pulled up to the house and saw that her mother’s car was gone. That’s right, she had a meeting somewhere. She’d be back soon. Maybe Adora could make them all dinner. Lonnie had the other car out too, so she and Kyle were probably off doing who knows what. She was going to miss them too while she was away -and this house. Leaving her childhood home was a hardship she’d really never given any thought to. This place was stable, reliable, but also magic. Adora could look back on her childhood and practically feel the wonder imaginations create all over again -secret passageways, enchanted flowers, impenetrable fortresses. 

The house was quiet. Odd. There was usually music playing. Adora thought she was maybe call out, but she didn’t want to ruin the surprise that she was home early. She took off her shoes so she wouldn’t clunk up the stairs, which thankfully didn’t creak at all under her weight. This was a sturdy house. She walked down the hallway, beaming. She would give Catra the flowers and Catra would say ‘aw, what are these for?’ and then Adora would tell her ‘what, can’t I buy the woman I love flowers?’ Yeah. Casual enough that it wouldn’t freak her out, but blunt enough that she couldn’t miss it. Outside the door, she took a breath in to calm her nerves, and then she reached for the handle -

It opened without her touching it and Catra nearly ran into her clearly startled. No. Afraid. Catra was afraid. “Whoa, Catra, what’s-” Now Adora was really looking at her, she noticed the duffel bag slung around her shoulder, and the tiny backpack on her back -her ‘safety’ pack, her childhood lifeline when things were hard at home. But things weren’t hard anymore. She didn’t need that. Why did she need that? “What’s wrong?” 

Catra seemed fidgety. “Nothing. I’m just going to stay the night at Lauren’s.” She felt a pang in her chest. Why is she lying to me? Adora could see passed her, where her side of the closet had been mostly emptied -into that duffel bag no doubt. 

Adora felt her throat getting tight. Running away. She’s running away. “Where are you really going, Catra?” Why won’t she look at me? 

Her hands gripped the strap on her shoulder. “I...I can’t do this anymore Adora.” What? Can’t do what? Catra’s voice was strained, but even. She had hardened herself and now Adora couldn’t see there was fear there anymore -she just knew. Catra had closed herself off again -sealed herself away somewhere deep. “I’ve got to get out of here.” Get out of here? This house? Their home? The people who love her? Has it been too much? Has she felt overwhelmed? Has it been too little? 

Adora forces the words out. “I-I don’t understand, where is this coming from?”

Catra snaps, raising her voice. “It doesn’t matter where it’s fucking coming from!” Two tears finally fall down Adora’s cheeks and she wipes them away. I can’t start now. Hold it together Adora -talk to her. “I’m not staying here without you. I just need OUT!” Catra was sounding panicked -trapped and angry. 

Adora felt that way too, like she couldn’t breathe.“Then don’t stay!” She holds the flowers out to Catra, who seems to finally notice they’re there. It’s her offering -her affection. “Come with me!”

Catra scoffed and rejected it, pushing the bouquet away. “What, and piggy-back off of you my whole life like everyone expects? No thanks.” Why? Just WHY?

Adora only had this one chance. She couldn’t waste it. Catra had to know...“Catra.” Tell her. The blonde takes a shaky breath in. “I think...I think I’m in love with you.” This was it. Saying those words out loud was like the split-second moment when you drive into a tunnel on a sunny day -the way the light flashes and then you see nothing. All you can do is wait for you eyes to adjust and hope you aren’t headed straight for calamity. Only this time, she wasn’t even the one driving. 

Catra’s voice was low and harsh. “Sounds like a personal problem.”

While Adora contemplated what exactly that meant, Catra slipped and passed through the doorway, knocking the flowers from her hand. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...............................................................................................

Catra spent hours -no, days- thinking about it. If she told Adora the truth, Adora would fight her and try to just keep on sacrificing herself. Catra had to make herself be the bad guy, but there weren’t really any clean ways to do that. Just being an asshole didn’t work, because again, Adora would just take it and take it. She couldn’t bring herself to cheat. She knew that would play too heavily with Adora’s insecurities about gender. Really the only answer -the best answer -was to just disappear. She was 17 now so the law couldn’t do anything about it if she ran away. Sure, she hadn’t finished high school yet, but she could get her GED. She would make it work somewhere else. It’s not like she had many friends left here to say goodbye to anyways. She couldn’t face Adora though -not in person. She would make a call when she got to a hotel or something. Catra knew that seemed cowardly, but this was all for Adora. It HAD to go smoothly. She couldn’t afford to have Adora stop her. She would have to disappear while Adora was at school. 

The house was empty on the day she finally worked up the courage to go for it. She grabbed as many clothes as she could stuff into her big duffel bag, as much of her makeup and perfume as she could. Then in her little backpack, she packed a few small snacks, her ipod, and the wads of cash she had stashed around the room in various places -one taped to the underside of the bed, one in an old shoe in a shoebox in her side of the closet, and in her pillowcase. She would be okay for a while. She could stay in a shitty little hotel for a bit, and then- 

She swung the door open and nearly ran into Adora. Fuck. No, no, no. “Whoa, Catra, what’s…” She’s not supposed to be home for hours! “...what’s wrong?” 

Lie. Lie like your life depends on it. No, lie like HER life depends on it, because it does. “Nothing. I’m just going to stay the night at Lauren’s.” Lying to her still hurt. 

Adora’s concern had melted into something much sadder. Catra couldn’t look her in the eyes, but she could tell by her pain-laced voice that she was hurting too.“Where are you really going, Catra?” This would hurt, but it was for the best. 

Her hands gripped the strap on her shoulder, using the rough texture to ground her in this moment. “I...I can’t do this anymore Adora.” Make this about you. It’s a you thing, not a her thing. “I’ve got to get out of here.” And it was true. She was starting to lose her nerve. Adora’s eyes were searching her soul for answers and she couldn’t hold out for forever. She had to get out -get away, fast. 

Adora’s voice is small. “I-I don’t understand, where is this coming from?”

Catra snaps, feeling like she’s losing control. “It doesn’t matter where it’s fucking coming from!” I have to save you from yourself, Adora! “I’m not staying here without you. I just need OUT!” But Adora was still standing in the doorway. 

“Then don’t stay!” Adora forces the most beautiful bouquet of flowers into her field of vision, pressing them against her. “Come with me!” Crack. The cold exterior she’s trying to maintain is going to crumble and she can’t be here when it does. She needs to be far, far away. Catra feels like she can’t breathe. Bad guy. Be the bad guy. 

Catra pushes the bouquet away. Make this a you thing. “What, and piggy-back off of you my whole life like everyone expects? No thanks.” It hurts though. It hurts so bad. She wants to fall on the floor and scream and cry. 

Adora’s voice breaks and Catra hears another crack. “Catra…” There is something desperate there in the blonde’s voice that makes it like a scream. “I think...I think I’m in love with you.” Oh, god. No...the cracks start to splinter and spread in different directions. Not now. Why now? Those are the words she’s been dying to hear -dying to say. But love is selfless. When you love somebody you let them go. This was the right thing, right? I’m doing this for her. I’m doing this for Adora. Be the bad guy. 

Catra gathers as much anger as she has left to make a convincing last last.“Sounds like a personal problem.” As she moves to slip past Adora, their eyes meet -only for a moment -for the first time and Catra knows it was both the right and the wrong thing to say. It destroyed her -destroyed them both -but Adora didn’t try to stop her. She didn’t chase her down like Catra was afraid she would. She didn’t grab her arm and scream and cry like Catra would have. 

Catra was out the door and grabbing her bike when Razz stepped out of her car. “Catra dear, I…” Her voice died off. She knows. She fucking knows. There’s a moment of silence while they look at each other across the yard, tears streaming down Catra’s face. “Be safe.” 

And with that, Catra is gone. She’s pedalling as hard and fast as she can, occasionally slowing only to adjust her bag. Her legs burn and feel stiff and her chest aches. Her fingers tremble on the handlebars and her only response is to grip them harder, forcing the bile rising in her throat back down. The wind takes the tears from her eyes as soon as they form, which she’s thankful for. But eventually, once she’s on the far outskirts of the city, the twisting in her gut forces her to throw the bike down and vomit in some nearby bushes. At that point, she just sits on the ground curled up and crying. Of course. Of course she got me fucking flowers.


	30. The Is/Ought Principle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short little epilogue after Catra has left and they're on their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catra spends the first year or two afterwards experimenting with drugs, trying to 'fill the void', etc. She does 'clean up her act' (for the most part) well before the events in part 1. 
> 
> We pretty much know how Adora's time apart goes.

It’s been a year at AU, and Adora knows what she wants to do. She’s going to finish her BA, with a double major in pre-law studies and philosophy, and then she’s going to become a law enforcement officer. Ever since the first day of her social justice course, she felt emboldened in her passion for people. Her whole life, she was told that ‘that’s just how the world works’, and they weren’t wrong. But the whole point of morality was to say, ‘this is how it IS, yes, but that over there is how things SHOULD be’. They could change. They could be better. People could strive for equity and fairness. Yes, her education taught her that the laws were meant to be challenged in this normative way. Adora didn’t want to be a lawyer -to defend the laws as they were written -she wanted to defend them as they SHOULD be. And what better way to do that than to protect people? She could stop people from being abused by their spouses. She could stop people from harming their children -mistreating them, neglecting them. If she became a detective, she could hopefully do her part in protecting at-risk communities from gang violence. Maybe she could even put an end to some of the city’s drug problems -or at least dampen them. Serve and protect. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….........................................................................

She has no idea how long she’s been here now, but it’s the most colorful night Catra has had in a while. No, a longass time. The ketamine kicked in some time ago, mingling with the tequila in her system. She’s floating on the dance floor and the flashing lights almost seem to dim in comparison to the colors she can feel. This club is the one place she’s felt free of herself recently and she hates it. People try to grind on her and she moves away. Men try to buy her drinks and she usually ends up dumping them. This particular night, blonde hair catches her eye and she turns. It’s not her. Her body is so awake, she noticed the little jump of hope her heart gave. But...this is how things should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE END OF PART 2. AHHHHHHH. Damn guys, 30 chapters -that's craziness! You know what that means...
> 
> I will warn you though that it will probably be somewhere around 2-3 weeks before I post the first chapter of part 3. I will be using this time to draw some stuff from part 2 though, so keep an eye on my IG (I know I've said that before and I like never post, but I actually will, I swears).


End file.
